Post # 1
So we’re having an engagement party next saturday (yay!) with about 50 people coming but I am worried that I may have sent out an invitation that will cause some needless drama.
My FI’s best friend was engaged to a great girl that I became good friends with and who I really like- we’d text and hang out without the boys etc. Him and this girl broke up more than 1.5 years ago but i’ve kept in touch with her and have seen her a few times.
Right now he is living with his new girlfriend (not so new as they’ve been together for about a year) who is also a great girl. So I invited FI’s best friend and his new girl, but today let it slip to his ex about the engagement party. After I had said that, I told her that she would be more than welcome to come but that her ex and his new girlfriend will be there.
The funny thing is that the ex responded immediately saying yes simultaneously with the new girlfriend confirming they will be there.. that’s when I realized what I had done, and how uncomfortable it might be for FI’s best friend and new girlfriend. FI had told his BFF before that I might invite her – one night when they were having a few drinks (months ago) -and asked him if he’d be uncomfortable with it and his BFF said no whatever… However, although his BFF is nice guy he can be a bit emotional sometimes and I don’t know if he’ll remember that we asked..
I told FI to contact his friend and tell him that I invited the ex but am worried that his friend might decline to come then.. and it would be all my fault! Do you think this will be as big a deal as I’m making it out to be?? Any advice bees?
PS I’ve already had a bunch of problems when it’s come to planning just the engagement party – I’m terrified what it will be like when i get into the details of the wedding what might happen haha
Post # 3
Since they have been broken up for over a year and a half I think it should be fine. There will also be 50 people there so it should be pretty easy to avoid each other of that’s what they want to do.
TBH I would be more worried about the girl (who definitely knows her ex will be there) than the guy. The guy has been seeing someone else for a year so I think it would be safe to assume he’s over her.
I don’t think you should worry about it 🙂
Post # 4
I had a few issues like these and eventually had to just hope that people would be adult enough to realize it was about us having people we care about around us. Unless it was some horrible … she cheated on him with his brother and then had his father’s baby type scenario. .. he should be able to get through an evening without drama.
Post # 5
@lilac_glamour: They’ve been broken up a year and a half. They’re also adults, and should be able to be civil or just ignore eachother 🙂
Before dating me, my BF had been seeing a girl a few months. They were not anything serious or official, and he waited a few months before going out with me, in case she heard about it: he wanted to spare her feelings, even though everything was casual.
Well, his friends had girlfriends/wives that kept hanging with her, and it started to become an issues on the invites front. We had no problem being around her…but she was still pretty butt-hurt. His friends started having to invite us to events she wasn’t attending, and vice versa. It was so ridiculous.
Bottom line: everyone *should* be fine.
Post # 6
I would imagine that they probably have come to expect a run in like this to happen with your wedding and knowing y’all have stayed close friends. I wouldn’t sweat it!
Post # 7
@lilac_glamour: I don’t think it will be a big deal. BFF is in a different relationship and has obviously moved on. If he refuses to come if the ex is there then it’s on you to uninvite her, but I really doubt it will come to that.
Post # 8
thanks for all the replies! That leaves me with one last question – should I even let him know she is coming or should I just wait for him to find out at the party??
Post # 9
@lilac_glamour: You might want to give him a heads up. Especially since now he can expect to see her at the engagement shower and the wedding.
Post # 10
Etiquette Snob here… lol
When it comes to a Regular Dating Relationship (ie NO Engagement, Living Together, Abuse, or Cheating say with the “new girlfriend”) a year is a fair expanse of time… where things get messy are when a couple were actually more comitted and things went off the rails… Broken Engagements, Leaving someone at the Alter… Marriages that have ended in Seperation or Divorce.
From your basic description here, I think you are good to go. They’ll probably be quite civil to one another.
As for heads up, at this point, I think you have all the bases covered… everyone knows that the other’s being there is “a possibility”
So you cannot do much more than that… stop fretting, and over analyzing other’s relationships.. to do so will give you an unneccessary headache… lol.
They are adults they’ll figure it out. So let it go… and enjoy your own relationship / Engagement (CONGRATS by the way)…
This is a special time in your life… savour every second.
Hope this helps,
Post # 11
At my wedding there will be 2 guests the FI has made out with and 1 guest I hooked up with. True we weren’t in relationships but still. We’re all adults. It’s okay