Did I do somethign wrong? Cousin Issue

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
4025 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

MrsHistory-Bee:  Well it seems like you are putting most of the responsibility on them to call you and invite you out. I’m not sure it comes down to you actually doing something wrong, but I hate when friends always expect to be invited but never take responsiblity to initiate anything. I would start by doing that. Start inviting him and gf over for a random game night, to a movie, out to dinner, or for drinks here and there and see what comes of it. Maybe they thought they were bothering you by always calling or…who knows? Throw out some ideas. Maybe a casual call “Hey, I know we both have been super busy, but I miss us getting together more often. I’d really like to host a game night some time in the next two weeks. Is there a night that works best for you and gf?…” Then go from there depending on their response. 

Post # 4
Member
4025 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

MrsHistory-Bee:  Ahhh, my apologies. I must have misread parts. Well, that’s a different game then. Maybe try one more time and if declined or ignored about that ask to meet your cousin in person and talk with him. Talk about how you would love to get together more and maybe mention that if you did anything to offend him or gf you’re sorry (even if you know you didn’t…this may open up why they are doing this), but feel that you should not be ignored when you try and reach out. You don’t have to be accusatory and keeping it short and sweet may make him explain why this is happening “Cousin, I’ve really missed us hanging out. I want to apologize if I did something in the past that offended you and gf, but I don’t think it’s right to ignore when I text/call.” Sorry you’re dealing with this!

Post # 6
Member
870 posts
Busy bee

You definitely have to bring it up with them and at least put it out there that you’re aware something has changed. You don’t have to say you’re desperate to hang out, because obviously you want to be invited out of friendship not pity. But maybe if you put it out there that ignoring you and avoiding you is not cool, then you’ll get an answer as to why. I think even if it doesn’t repair the relationship (because who knows what their reasons are) it might allow you to think stuff them and move on. It sounds like it’s really upsetting and consuming for you – understandably – and it sucks to be at the mercy of someone else’s will. Try to make new friends and get involved elsewhere. X

Post # 7
Member
870 posts
Busy bee

Btw can I ask – where does your SO fit into this? Do they like him?

Post # 8
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

I think what might have happened is that your cousin and his girlfriend went back to their normal routine of hanging out with their usual friends and operating how they normally do. They didn’t decide to do it, that’s just what happened.

Basically, you were new to the area, but they weren’t, so they already had a certain way of doing things. They became a part of your normal routine, though, so when they went back to doing what they normally did, your normal routine went with them. That can happen when someone moves to a new area where old friends and family have lived for some time, unfortunately.

I don’t think you did anything wrong, nor do I think they’ve really done anything wrong. 

I think if you let this go and do other things with other people, things might circle back around to you, your cousin and his girlfriend hanging out. Sometimes that’s how friendly relationships work, even with family; there’s an ebb and flow in the relationship, a waxing and waning. Right now there’s a lull in the relationship, but it might pick up again later. 

Post # 10
Member
870 posts
Busy bee

Are their other friends in relationships?

Post # 13
Member
2245 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

MrsHistory-Bee:  maybe they felt like you were becoming too dependent upon them for socialization, got overwhelmed, and pulled back a bit? I can totally understand why you would want your cousin to be part of your social life, but he shouldn’t be your whole social life. Maybe you should focus on making some new friends, then your happiness won’t be so dependent upon whatever is going on with your family. I’ve moved around quite a bit and I know it can be daunting to make friends in a new city, but it’s worthe the effort!

Post # 14
Member
5272 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

I would try and make some friends on my own and rely less on hanging out with the cousin’s crew.  I’m not a fan of forcing things that are not naturally flowing.

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