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Don't change it just because another sister gave you a hard time. My step-sister got married on my brother's birthday, and they sang happy birthday to him on the dance floor at one point. A friend of mine got married on her dad's birthday; they sang to him too and gave him a birthday cupcake separate from the wedding cake. So what if she has to share one birthday in her life with a wedding? It's, like, the biggest birthday party she can have!
I'm getting married on someone's birthday, and she got so mad at me she said I've ruined the idea of her birthday. But we aren't changing our date. Granted it is different because it's your sister but you have already said your options are low. If you can get a hold of your sister see what she has to say about it and go from there. = )
It's your sister and she seems upset. I would def try my hardest to change it, because she'll hold that agaisnt you for the rest of your life...and for what? cuz you got married on her birthday. I don't think that's a good reason...until you have tried talking to your boss to see if you can switch weekends, try getting married on a fri instead of that weekend, or look for another venue. If you really, really, really unable to come up with a different plan, than tlak to your sister...but if she is avoiding you already I think it has really offended her.
I would change it to avoid problems.
Will she be 30 on her birthday? Can you call and let her know you want her to help you pick out the birthday cake for her that will be part of the desserts? That may warm her up to the idea. Personally I would love it. My aunt and uncle were married on my 3rd birthday and I was the flower girl (except I didn't walk and bawled). However, I loved that and felt so connected to them my entire life because I felt they choose that date for me :D... Isn't that egotistical?
Are birthday's really that important that you won't answer your sister's phone call? Personally, I really wouldn't care, but maybe that's just me! Nevertheless, if it is her 30th birthday, maybe she had already considered doing something for "her" day.
Have you thought about having the wedding on April 3?
I would be honored if you wanted to get married on my birthday!! It'll always be a celebration we could do together as a family!
What? This is insane! Your sister sounds spoiled and ridiculous. It would never even OCCUR to me to be mad if someone got married on my birthday! Thats a total sister-zilla move to pull and I'd tell her so. The world doesn't revolve around her and her birthday. Unless she's 6, I thought birthdays weren't a huge deal for adults anyway.
Oops- she'll be turning 29, so it is not the big 3-0 and she hasn't even gone out to dinner on her last 2 birthdays. Changing work schedules only means working the 3 weekends in a row before or after the wedding and Friday night doesn't work because everyone, including myself and the groom have to travel to the wedding. We live 8 hours- in opposite direction from each of our families. Not to make me sound wonderful, but I went home multiple times for her wedding planning and did several DIY projects for her wedding (granted she didn't get married on my birthday).
I do like the idea of a cake and happy birthday singing idea, that is if she is speaking to me by then!
How old is your sister? If she is older than, let's be generous and say 21, she needs to grow up and get over herself. Seriously. Don't change your date if it's not convenient for you - it'll be a learning experience for her! You could do something special for her at the rehearsal dinner, like a cake or something, and if she continues to pout slap a tiara on her head so she feel special :)
I don't understand why she'd need to be upset. I think it'd be great fun if my sister got married on my birthday. You could even do a little something special for her - a toast or mention in your program or something along those lines.
Hmm, that's kind of hard for me. If this was a friend or cousin, who cares? But a sister? Well all of your anniversaries will be on her birthday too. So if she likes to hang out with you on her birthday, you'll have to choose her party or your anniversary dinner everytime. (Although it doesn't exactly sounds like she does that much for her birthdays... So maybe she shouldn't get bent out of shape.)
Well maybe she was planning something fun for this one. I'm kind of on the fence. But I think if it was me, I'd try to avoid her birthday, unless it was absolutely necessary. Otherwise you could offer up a little of your reception for a fun happy birthday song and cake.
I think if changing is a possibility at all, you might want to consider it, but I do think that your sister is overreacting.
my cousin actually got married on my 25th birthday. i was helping her a good amount up until the night before because she had a short engagement that i actually forgot it was my birthday until my bf and some of my cousins who were downstairs playing games came up to wish me a happy birthday at midnight! on the day of, i was really excited about the wedding that i forgot again. i think it would've been nice if everyone sang happy birthday to me, and my cousin said that was their intention, but with all the excitement for the day, they forgot too! well, like they say, it's the thought that counts! i think changing it would depend on your sister's whose birthday it is. for me, it doesn't really matter. people are still going to celebrate my birthday next year, and the year after, and the year after. i did get to go to disneyland that day in between the ceremony and the reception!
while i don't think it's a huge deal, your sister obviously does and i don't feel like it's worth it to hurt your relationship with her. i would try to change it.
I agree that your sister is overacting, but at the end of the day she is your sister and she is upset. I wish she would talk to you (as I'm sure you do too!). You really need to find out why this is so upsetting for her. Is it really solely because it is birthday and there already considered HER day? The particular day of birthdays and holidays aren't really important in my family - meaning if we celebrate Christmas four days early or late because that's when everyone could get together, that's fine. But maybe birthdays and holidays are a big deal in your family or especially to her for some reason. I think you need to do what you can to figure out why this is so problematic by talking to her and the rest of your family and in the mean time try to look for alternatives. I would rather change my wedding date (especially so early in the planning process - you just got engaged on Sunday) and have everyone happy on the day and not tainted for the rest of my life rather than sticking with a date. However, this is just my opinion and everyone's experiences are unique!
I would say talk to your sister, and find out if it's possible to have another date. From the sounds of it, the sister that layed into you isn't the birthday girl. Make SURE that the birthday sister is or is not upset before making another move. If she is, it would probably be in the best interests of family unity to move your date. My parents, who got married on my uncle's 21st bday (necessary due to my dad's military schedule) were stuck going to family bday parties for my uncle on their anniversary for years. If in the end you can only do that date, it might not be a bad idea to have the DJ announce her bday and wish her a good one, or something to that effect.
She probably wouldn't have had a problem with it until the other sister made it a big deal. I would call her and explain that the venue etc. only had that date open. Could you do a Friday or Sunday wedding instead? Oh and btw your profile says 4-17-09 not 2010. When I first saw the date I thought this was an old post that your wedding had come and gone.
I think bdays are overrated - but many people dont. Personally, I think she probably thought it was inconsiderate that you didn't ASK Her before you scheduled it. But, you can't go back in the future, so I would honestly just ask her if it it really a big issue (maybe phrase it better than that lol) and also look into alternate dates. It is your sister after all.
You've gotten some really great advice, I just wanted to chime in and agree with those who said to try to change the date if possible. I see that a lot of people think getting married on someone's birthday isn't a big deal, but honestly I'd be a little miffed if my sister opted to get married on my birthday.
How she reacted is more important than whether or not she "should" be upset about it. If it's important to her, try to change the date. If it's not possible, it's not possible, but she should at least see that you made the effort to change it but couldn't.
Here's the update...she says she isn't mad but states since I always go on vacation for my birthday (3 times in 34 years) she might want to go somewhere on her birthday. My other sister used the exact same words, so I figure they've spoken. I know I'm upset about this, but she has been on one trip- her honeymoon 4 years ago and refuses to travel any time we've tried a family or sister getaway. While everyone other than my sister have tried to talk me out of it, I am moving the date because in the end, there will be a grudge held- until this, the two sisters were barely on speaking terms since they both got engaged about the same time- and it will make me sad on our special day. Once the family peace keeper, always the family peace keeper. Today, it really sucks.
I can guarantee it that there is a birthday on the day of someone's wedding. Please don't take this the wrong way but I think it's a little silly. I'd love if someone got married on my birthday. And you can do something special for her at some point in the reception (singing happy birthday), etc.
I agree with the wise bees above! Explain it to her...hopefully she'll understand.
I wouldn't change it!! She should be excited to be attending such a "party" on her birthday!
My cousin got married this year on my grandma's birthday and next year I am getting married the day before both of my grandmas' birthdays. She felt honored that she could celebrate her birthday on her granddaughters wedding day, surrounded by all of her family.
I love my sister dearly and I know you do too. BUT if they love you just the same and they know your work schedules and such they have to understand that this is what's going to happen. Put your foot down. I'll be the sister, I wouldn't be happy that it's on my birthday. But who cares? All it is is a day celebrating the day you were born. Personally I'd think of it as an opportunity to let my *hair down* and live it up a little like it really was my birthday party.
Thanks so much for all of the words of support. Birthdays and holidays have long been celebrated when they can be in my family and there have been no family birthday celebrations since we were younger. I realize we have only been engaged a week, but we feel it took us many years to find one another and don't have a need for a forever long engagement. That being said, I can't keep losing sleep and crying about this; it's supposed to be a happy time. No decision yet, but the idea of getting married in a ceremony with just the 2 of us on a date of our choosing before the celebration at home is being considered.
I like that idea too! Almost considered that ourselves, then we realized it wasn't such a great idea, besides the fact our mother's would KILL us! 
I think this is so stupid people getting mad because you put the date on there birthday I put the date on my moms boyfriends ex wife birthday an he tried to get me to change it. Who cares she is an ex I never knew her I don't care. Its just selfish and silly.
Thats a toughie.. but I guess it wouldn't be too tough for me because I can't figure a freakin' date out! LOL
I'm sorry that this has happened to you.. i know how it goes with difficult work schedules and trying to figure out what you'll do with open venue dates.. i guess i would sit your sister down and explain as sincerely as you can that you really don't have a large assortment of dates available and unfortunately her birthday is the best date for you two. If she really loves you and wants you to be happy then I think she'll be understanding (though mind you i dont know her at all)! Is this a landmark bday for her? 21? 30? That kind of thing? Or Is she going to be in IN your wedding? A bridesmaid? That can be a bit of a daunting task for her if it the big day lands on her birthday so maybe you could offer/promise to get her something extra special ..i'm really not sure what else would help her to understand that people only get married once (well, most people) and she will have many birthdays to come.
I will keep my fingers crossed for you...good luck!
My FH's brother got married on his birthday. It was no big deal, we dont make huge deals out of birthdays. If it was a sinificant b-day i would be more understanding... 16th, 21st etc. My FH was happy to have a huge party on his b-day.
i will give you a perspective from the other side-
My sister set her 1st wedding date as my birthday when I was a teenager. It was terrible. As a middle kid I get lost in the shuffle all the time, as I am neither of my parents' favorite. That year NO ONE remembered my birthday. I got no cards, no presents, no special mention at the wedding. Nothing. When I mumbled about it being my birthday to my parents, I was basically told it was my sister's day and to shut up. It really upset me and made me feel like no one loved me. I still resent my sister for choosing that date, of ALL the dates available in the while world, for her wedding.
I can understand your situation, but frankly, having been in your sister's shoes (even if she's an adult and I was a teenager), I would see if you could pick something else. You don't want your wedding to be a lifelong sore spot between you.
I just wanted to add that that birthday was my Sweet 16. I was hoping it'd be somethign special, and it was, but not for me. For me it was a nightmare, since I was the MOH and my birthday was totally ignored.
I am super close to my sister. And Birthdays are a huge deal in our family. I would never ever plan anything on or even near her birthday. So if you don't have lots of plans set (deposits and contracts) I would say change it. Something like this could cause tensions for along time after the wedding. But thats just me.
wow, I'd be super pissed if my brother got married on my birthday.
That said, your sister may not be like me -- can you call, tell her you're having second thoughts on the date, and ask if she'd rather you not get married on her birthday?
It might help to also remember that this isn't just going to be a one-year conflict: not only are you getting married on her birthday, you will also have an anniversary on her birthday every year - does your family get together for stuff like that? Will you and your husband constantly have to be choosing whether to go out/away to celebrate your anniversary, or be with your family to celebrate your sister?
Change the date. Be the bigger person. I can understand how she would be upset if out of all the 365 days in the year that you, her own sister, had to pick her birthday. At best it's an unintentional mistake, at worst it’s kind of lame & somewhat disrespectful of her feelings.
Yes you are both adults but adults should be respectful of one another. I've heard of other cases like rabbit's above and although you have the best intentions now, we all know how easy it is during the hustle & bustle of a wedding to forget things.
If it were me, I would pick another date.
haha unless your sister is 5, you can just go ahead and have the wedding whenever you feel like it. I love birthdays, but come on, we are adults! If you really are stuck on that day, don't feel bad about it. I don't see the big deal.
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I need help- one of my sisters just laid in to me because we have chosen to get married on my youngest sister's birthday. My youngest sister is not returning my phone calls, including the one saying that our original date, April 24, would not work because I had miscalculated our weekend work schedule and were looking at the 17th, which is her birthday.
I got engaged on Sunday, and I didn't set out to get married on her birthday. As we started our search, we realized our options between May and July were extremely limited due to previous bookings. We work every other weekend, which also limits options. At this point in our lives, we aren't looking for a long engagement. My sisters and I range in age from 29 to 34 (I'm the oldest) and we live in 3 states so don't see each other often. I didn't realize this would create such a fuss...should I stick to the date or change it? What would you do? Would you be upset?