Did I screw up?

posted 4 years ago in Money
Post # 3
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@MsGinkgo:  I think you were thoughtful and sweet in that conversation..I don’t think you said anything rude at all. 

Post # 4
8477 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@MsGinkgo:  I don’t think you did anything wrong.  You clearly didn’t ask for the money, and even when it was offered you explained that they were under no obligation to give you the money.  I would still discuss it with your FI, but I don’t see a problem with what you did/said.

Post # 5
2781 posts
Sugar bee

@MsGinkgo:  I don’t think you did anything wrong, it’s not like you asked for help. 

Post # 7
1911 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

If he wants to talk to them about having an issue with it, he needs to do that.  You were gracious and it’s not your place to say something among the lines of thanks but no thanks….

Post # 8
1336 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MsGinkgo:  She offered to help, with a set budget in mind, and you graciously thanked her.  So, no, you did not do anything wrong.  In fact, I think it is wrong of your FI to assume that they cannot afford their gift, because I have to believe they would not do it if they could not 🙁

If he is that worried/upset about it, my suggestion is offering to his parents to pick the rehearsal dinner venue, and for you both to keep it as cost effective as you can, so that they are not spending ‘all’ the money they budgeted. However, I think regardless of what you decide, you will end up being gifted the amount they had in mind!! 


Post # 9
8044 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

You didn’t do anything wrong!

Post # 11
1286 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

You didn’t do anything wrong. It sounds like you FI is sensitive to his parents financial situation and feels awkward about accepting money from them. My mom definitely doesn’t have money, but still saved up to give us a generous gift, even thought I felt bad, I had to graciously accept or risk hurting her pride. You FI is probably just dealing with that, so don’t take it personally.

Post # 12
2118 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

No, you didn’t do anything wrong; however, I would talk with your FI and hear what he has to say/what he thinks. Nothing wrong with a conversation.

Post # 13
3743 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MsGinkgo:  No, you didn’t do anything wrong. Give FH some time to dwell on it. I thought you were awesome in your approach.

Post # 14
9697 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@MsGinkgo:  I would have been honest about what I was expecting to spend rather than accepting “extras.” I also would have discussed it with my partner before deciding to accept anything from his family.

Post # 16
12262 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@MsGinkgo:  Congrats on the sweet/generous in-laws!

You definitely did the right thing by accepting the gift politely and graciously! Turning it down would have been rude, IMHO!

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