Post # 1
There’s all this talk on the Bee about what’s appropriate to wear to a wedding as a guest. Obviously white is a tad on the inappropriate side, and it’s never good, as a guest, to make yourself stand out.
A few weeks ago I was discussing the wedding with my BM’s 15 year old daughter – who is beautiful and built. She mentioned she was going to wear her homecoming dress from last year. This dress was a huge topic of conversation a year ago b/c it was purchased by her step mom and looked better fitted for walking the streets than wearing to homecoming. My BM HATED it, but her daughter was so excited to wear the super short, super low-cut, super sexy bright purple dress, that she couldn’t say no.
I just laughed it off when she told me she was going to wear it b/c I thought she was joking. So a few days ago I asked my BM if her daughter was really planning on wearing that dress to the wedding. She said she didn’t know, and I asked her to please have her daughter wear something else. Today my BM freaked out on me and asked if I had discussed the dress code with every other guest, and how rude it was of me to say that her daughter couldn’t wear that dress.
I didn’t know how to react. I didn’t do it out of spite and there wasn’t any evil intent behind it — I honestly just didn’t want her daughter wearing that dress to the wedding. I’ve been to weddings where there’s always “that girl” who dresses like she’s at a night club trying to pick up guys and it becomes the talk of the evening. My mom would have made a big deal out of this dress, as would have a couple other older female relatives — and honestly, I don’t want to deal with that.
Obviously I was wrong to do this, but, what would you do if you knew a young guest, or any guest, had the intentions of wearing an inappropriate outfit to your wedding?
Post # 3
@kimberlyr22: “what would you do if you knew a young guest, or any guest, had the intentions of wearing an inappropriate outfit to your wedding?”
I’d do nothing. Even if my FMIL wanted to wear a while ball gown, I’d let her… because she will look like an ass, not me! I do think in this case, if it’s something that is more age-inappropriate, it is the parent’s responsibility to make sure that the minor child is dressed accordingly. Beyond that, it’s not anyone else’s business to tell anyone else how to dress.
Post # 4
I don’t think you were out of line. It sounds like that dress is inappropriate for a wedding. You can’t control what every guest wears, but I certainly think you’re well within your rights here. You knew it was inappropriate and you told her. I’d do the same thing in that situation.
Post # 5
The one who is wearing inappropriate clothes is the one who looks silly, and it doesn’t at all reflect on you as a bride. Also, she is FIFTEEN. It is most likely the nicest dress she owns and wants to wear it again. If she ends up looking silly, well, she looks silly and it has nothing to do with you.
Post # 6
I think what you did was fine! I don’t understand why some people dress like they are hookers at a wedding – had it happen at mine and we clearly stated smart dress!
Post # 7
I would say nothing. I think you really overstepped here. I understand you want people appropriately addressed at your wedding, but unless you’re going to every guest and telling them what they can/can’t wear, you shouldn’t do it to one particular guest. Not to mention, she’s not going to be taking away from your day at all. If anything, she’ll get a few comments from the older guests, but not your problem to deal with.
Post # 8
I think your BM took offense because, even though it was not your intention, you basically called her out on allowing her daughter to dress like “she’s at a night club trying to pick up guys and it becomes the talk of the evening”. She maybe felt like you were callng her a bad parent since clearly her daughter has worn the dress before..
I really do not care what people wear to our wedding or if they are wearing a dress a little too short or a little too tight. I would be a little peeved if someone came in their PJs or something, but it sounds like the dress is dressy enough for the occasion.
Post # 9
I know you weren’t trying to be mean, but unfortunately, brides cannot dictate what other people wear – so I agree that you overstepped your bounds. If it here me, I wouldn’t do anything about it. If asked, I would give my opinion and say that the dress is pretty but not appropriate for the wedding. But otherwise I would refrain from giving any unsolicited advice.
Post # 10
In my judgemental world (I have no issue saying I am judgemental, b/c I am)….I see a 15 year old wearing a super sexy dress and a ton of 20-25 year old single guys (FI’s side is all men, as in no women/mothers in the picture) with no other females in their age range as being a bad combination.
And my mom would make it my problem if my BM’s daughter wore this dress. She is going to stand out in anything she wears b/c she’s beautiful — I just want her to stand out b/c she’s a pretty girl, not b/c she looks like she charges by the hour.
The only reason I brought it up is b/c the BM’s daughter brought it up first, knowing that me and her mother both hate the dress. I wouldn’t have said anything if she hadn’t mentioned wearing it.
Post # 11
@kimberlyr22: I totally understand why you would not want her to wear it, your looking out for her and there is no shame in that! Unfortunately though its ultimatley her mother decision whether or not she allows her daughter to dress that way, and I can see how she took offense to that =/
Post # 12
I think your BM probably took this as an insult to her parenting. The ONLY person telling a child what they should or should not wear – is the parent. And, if the BM is fine with ehr daughter wearing the dress, you should have left it alone. Obviously the mom is okay with it if she left ehr wear the dress somewhere else, and didn’t see a problem with her wearing it to the wedding. So by saying something about, all your BM heard was “I can’t believe you’d let your daughter wear that.”
You need to do some damage control. Call your BM or invite her to coffee and just say that you are sorry, you only wanted to make sure her daughter would wear something that she would be comfortable in – since there will be adults there. But of course, if she is happy that is all that matters.
Post # 13
I think you way overstepped here. Her mother can tell her what to wear, you can’t.
Post # 14
I don’t think it’s appropriate to insinuate that this dress would make a 15 year old girl look like a hooker! Seriously, people? Do you remember what it was like to be 15 and be so excited about your first homecoming/prom dress?? She clearly just wants to wear the dress again because she loved it. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. She’s attending the wedding with her mother! She isn’t going to be picking up men at the bar, sheesh! Personally I think you were way over the line. if a guest showed you a dress they chose for your wedding and you didn’t like it, would you tell them to pick something else out? Doubtful. Just because she is 15 doesn’t mean you get a say in her clothing. I would apologize to her mother. Obviously if she let the girl out of the house for the dance, it can’t be that bad.
Post # 15
@kimberlyr22: I would have done the exact same thing that you did. It’s YOUR wedding, and you have every right to make sure people are appropriately dressed. For other commenters saying that you had no right, I think they’re wrong. If you told people the dress code was black tie, no one would criticize you for talking to someone who planned to wear khakis to your wedding. If the BM is so offended, perhaps her daughter shouldn’t come. At 15, she’s certainly old enough not to.
Post # 16
I think you were out of line for two reasons: 1) you can’t tell people what to wear to your wedding; 2) you can’t tell other people how to parent.