Did nightmare in laws attend the wedding or not? (POLL)

posted 3 years ago in Family
  • poll: What happened for you?
    FPIL did not attend wedding : (1 votes)
    10 %
    FPIL did attend wedding : (8 votes)
    80 %
    FMIL OR FFIL attended wedding, but not both : (1 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    2826 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    My parents were the dramatic in-laws. My mother did threaten not to attend. Essentially, she was trying to bully me into delaying my wedding –because SHE wasn’t ready for me to get married–by withholding her love and just generally acting out (a well-documented tactic of hers). I didn’t bat an eyelash, told her to do whatever her spirit tells her. She did show up afterall. Actually, she ran into some of my girlfriends in the Miami airport during the layover and they called to warn me [amazing friends, I have]. She came to my welcome party a few minutes early and pulled my husband and I aside to “patch things up” and give us gifts she bought in the airport gift shop. Before that, we hadn’t spoken in months. My sister did take their side, yes. But she also attended.  My husband was moved that my mother tried to make peace. However, I’ve known her longer and knew she wasn’t being sincere. I learned not long after that it was all part of her plan to represent to other relatives who attended that she was a true mother-of-the-bride. In all honesty, she’s really been behaving herself since the wedding and trying to keep in touch and whatnot. I’m not interested in being close with her, but I must admit that it’s very refreshing to have her finally behaving toward us with some respect.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2826 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Yes, I did include my parents and my sister in the venue headcounts, but I did not include them in the ceremony, plan for them to give speeches or give them any other roles that would have caused a problem if they chose not to show up. Yes, my mother’s behavior in general (and not just her threat of boycott) did cause me not to invite any of her relatives because I figure if my own mother would turn against me, why put myself to the trouble of inviting others she could easily influence. Just as well because I have a huge family and wanted a small wedding. I insulated myself pretty well from my mother, so if she had a stank face, I don’t know about it. I didn’t invite her to get ready with me, I didn’t arrange her transportation to the venue (because I didn’t want to receive a call from a limo company last-minute telling me that I’m out a deposit because my mother is causing a scene and won’t get in the car) and put her at a table behind me (quite nearby, but out of my line of vision). Honestly, it worked out great. When I arrived to the venue, I was taken to a little room where my Dad was waiting to walk me down the aisle, which was a nice (and admittedly welcome) surprise. I was prepared to walk by myself. I barely even noticed my belligerent mother was there. Bonus, she’s only in one photo and doesn’t appear once in the video. I have almost no memory that she was even at my wedding. Some people think that’s sad, but it’s a good thing for all of us. My making it so that she was unable to ruin my wedding is the only reason I can be civil toward her today. I would never have forgiven her for making me cry on my day.

    Post # 6
    Member
    2826 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Shkragoldfish:  Head tables are for people with functional, supportive families. Lol. I knew that there was absolutely no place for one at my wedding. Yeah right, so my mother’s scowl could be on display for hours and ruin everyone’s appetite. As I said, where I had her seated, I have no idea if she was scowling or smiling and I didn’t think about it once.

    As for my sister, she took my parents’ side because she’s closer to them than I am (she’s my stepsister, she and my mom were BFFs and then my mom married her Dad). I never had any kind of talk with her. She just kinda…got her life together. She and I are cool, but I wouldn’t have missed her if she didn’t show up. 

    My parents and my sister stayed with relatives, I think. They didn’t reserve under my room block or use my airline discount (actually the streets told me that my mother complained that it was only a 5% discount, smh). 

    Last piece of advice: do NOT spend any of your energy trying to force disagreeable people to be in a good mood. That’s not your job. If you need/want to say anything, let be something along the lines of “I want you all to come and I want you to have a great time. I understand you’re not happy about x thing and y thing, but I’d hope that you can put that behind you for one night. If not, I understand if you’d rather not attend.” Basically make it clear that you’re not here for any stank faces at your wedding and that no one has a gun to their heads. If they can’t play nice for your wedding, you truly don’t mind if they just stay home. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    128 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    My wedding is planned for September, 2014. So far, FMIL did not come to our engagment party. She caused a massive blowout fight with FI a week before, and he just couldn’t handle her there. She attacks me all the time, I guess she’s jealous of me, thinks that she should be more importnat in FI’s life than me.  He’s trying his best, but every once in a while, he can’t take it anymore. FSIL isn’t speaking to FMIL anymore, for at least 8 months now, she thinks we shouldn’t have FMIL at the wedding because she will ruin it. Even though this woman has been awful to me, I’m pretty sure she’s mentally ill, bipolar, and knowing my FI, he would regret not having her there. I’m trying my best to be as tolerant as I can be, although it’s been really tough. We’re still tyring to figure out how to handle the whole thing. Hopefully we can get her into therapy before the wedding.

    Post # 10
    Member
    457 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    My mother threatened to not attend the wedding because of my father. You know, after tickets were all bought and everything. Lo and behold, it was just an overdramatic ploy to get me to try and side with her about an issue they were having. She dropped that act pretty quickly once I said, “Wow, well that’s disappointing you’re letting this get in the way of coming to my wedding, but that’s your decision.” No worries, she did make a show at the rehearsal dinner of dramatically holding back tears and leaving in a huff.

    It was fairly embarrassing having the ILs ask me what was wrong with my mother. I simply said she was having a smoke, and tried not to feel distressed that she was putting me in a really awkward position.

    Surprisingly, she was able to swallow her problems on the day of. She was there, my dad was there, and everything went off without a hitch.

    Post # 13
    Member
    128 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    Shkragoldfish:  Congratulations, I’m happy that you were able to enjoy your wedding and keep the drama to a minimum. I’ve been going crazy with my FMIL. We are less than 8 weeks from the wedding, up until about 2 weeks ago, my FMIL continued to be a total nightmare, including screaming at me and my entire family at a separate small ceremony we did at our house. In the last couple of weeks she has been better, and all of sudden FI and his sister seem to have forgiven her for everything and want her at the wedding, I don’t believe that anybody can change that suddenly, and the idea of having her there freaks me out, she’s expressed nothing but pure hatred to me since she met me 2 years ago. I don’t really know how to deal.

    Post # 15
    Member
    128 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    Shkragoldfish:  We’ll probably have about 100 people at the wedding, I’d be okay with more or less ignoring her for the night. The problem is she has a history of making scenes and yelling, that often end up with my FI devastated, it would kill me if she did this at the wedding, after what I’ve seen, it’s a definite possibility of her doing something awful and people ending up in tears. My FI keeps saying he understands where I’m coming from and he sympathizes with me, but I can tell he wants her there anyway.

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