firefliesinthesky: for my FFIL, it’s probably not an act at all- I highly doubt he’ll come but I think my FMIL really might come. What do you think worked best with your mother at the rehearsal dinner and wedding? When your mother left in a fit, did you try to talk to her or left her alone and ignored it?
My FMIL will probably never tell us that she’s attending or will only tell us last minute, but then she’ll probably still pitch fits and have attitude when nothing is as she wants it. For instance, partially because of FPIL cursing our wedding and refusing to talk to us, no parents were on invites, no parents will be in processional, no parents will be in program, no parents will be announced in grand entrance to reception, no parent/child dances, no parents will make any toasts. We don’t want to have to scramble to adjust things every second based on their whims or demands or flip-flopping participation or purposely give them a platform to display their drama while being center stage at the wedding.
In addition, she is likely to be vocal or visibly upset that our ceremony isnt what she’d like (she wants very long ceremony w open mic time for her friends to make long emotional speeches/prayers, lots of religion & my FI wants none of that), our colors aren’t what she wants, she wants relatives my FI barely knows as groomsmen and as bridesmaids, etc. You name it, and as long as it’s not something she should decide, she’ll likely be upset about it.
as of now, we’re planning to do what we can to prevent my FI from noticing any huffy behavior of his relatives and especially of FMIL- having my FI only come out to stand at ceremony right before the processional, having his back twds where she’d be sitting during the ceremony, seating her at reception so my FI can’t see her facial expressions and isn’t even close to her table.
And if she does sulk or throw a fit, we plan on fully ignoring it and avoiding her So we can try to enjoy ourselves.
I’ve explained this all to my parents and they understand- we have to make the wedding about the 2 of us instead of also being about our parents or families because his parents and relatives cannot be trusted to have even minimum appropriate behavior.
the only thing we’ll do is that I’ll thank families and parents in my thank you toast, but my FI does not want me to say more than bare minimum niceties abt his parents BC he doesn’t want me up there lying abt their complete opposition to the wedding and us for the past year.