Did taking a break or moving out help or hurt your relationship?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Did the break help or hurt the relationship?
    Helped some : (5 votes)
    13 %
    Helped a lot : (18 votes)
    45 %
    caused some problems : (2 votes)
    5 %
    caused a lot of problems : (10 votes)
    25 %
    other-explain below : (5 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    3702 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    For me a “break” was just a way to ease into a “break up.” I put “other” because the break itself didn’t hurt the relationship, it was already broken. I think that wanting to take a break is a sign that something is already wrong and it usually doesn’t end well.

    Post # 3
    Member
    2580 posts
    Sugar bee

    My ex wanted me to move out after living with him for a year. He said he needed his space, he said he wanted to still be together. That lasted a couple of days broke up right after.

    Post # 4
    Member
    6525 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    troubleinparadise777:  DH and I have been together 11 years, we only moved in together 2 years ago. 

    We broke up 8 years ago for about 5 months and it was the best thing for our relationship. We completely broke up, didn’t speak. He called me to tell me that his grandmother had been diagnosed with cancer and she wasn’t doing well, it progressed very quickly. My father died of cancer when I was 13, so I know what its like to have someone close to you get sick and see them suffer. He told me that he needed someone to talk to that would understand. Thats what got us talking again. She ended up passing away, and I was there for him. He has never lost anyone close to him.

    We got back together a few days after that after speaking and him pouring his heart out to me. He knew how I felt. I just needed to give him his space. He said that he realized how much he loved me and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, he just wanted to take his time. And I told him that he was crazy for thinking that I wanted our marriage to start right then and there (we met when we were 18! and were 20 and 21 when we broke up- we were no where near ready to settle down). 

    He freaked himself out, but I am glad it happened because we appreciated eachother so much more after that and we love eachother like crazy!

    Post # 5
    Member
    1287 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    troubleinparadise777:  My DH and myself broke up for about 3 months, 6 months into our relationship.  We did not take a break, or time apart per se (well, it was not initially set-up that way), but severed all ties.  It was a long, trying and horrible 3 months to say the least for me, because he was the initiator, but it ended up being a wonderful learning curve for us.  In that time, he realized he had made a big mistake, and slowly but surely – when he finally communicated those feelings to me – we started a relationship once more, and eventually got married (3 years later!)  

    I think planning to ‘take a break’ is too much of a grey area, even though I had asked for it as a way to ‘hold on’, but looking back would have been just as awful.  I would have still communicated with him, with an unknown of what was going to happen. I am not sure I would have as easily moved past that, rather than the alternative we went through.  Because, in that three months, where we had no contact, and it was finite (as far as I knew), I grew really strong. I re-learned the value of ME, but also realized how much I appreciated him.  I dont know…maybe my take is wrong, but across the board, I hate the old ‘taking a break’ thing.  Are we dating other people?? Do i wait for you to call me??  I would go crazy!!!

    Post # 6
    Member
    1435 posts
    Bumble bee

    Took a break and I feel like it was just confusing and pro-longed the actual break up unnecessarily. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    100 posts
    Blushing bee

    I voted “Helped a lot”. My SO wanted to live separately after living together for 5 years. (We had our ups and downs and he “moved out” once before but spent almost every night at our place so I don’t really count that) I was very hurt at the beginning. He had already admitted earlier in the relationship that he didn’t realize what a big step moving in together was (we moved in together after a year of dating) and to be honest I don’t think he felt that he had enough time to be independent. I was very co-dependent and I think that bothered him as well. He ended up moving in with a guy from his work and I moved into a studio apartment. I think it helped me because I HAD to be self-reliant. At the beginning we would usually hang out once during the week and on the weekends. After a while he didn’t want to come over during the week because of “traffic”. I told him that I didn’t feel that he was making an effort and that I wanted to break up. That was the first time in our entire relationship that I was the one who wanted to walk away and I think it really stunned him. Living on my own helped me develop a backbone! After a few days we talked and he started to show me that he was making an effort. About 6 months after that we started our househunt and in another 6 months we were living together again, this time as homeowners!

    I don’t think breaks and moving out work most of the time, but it helped us 🙂

    Post # 8
    Member
    1336 posts
    Bumble bee

    We actually had a few breaks during the course of our relationship, and while everyone else around us swore it spelled doom for us, in reality it helped our relationship.  Each time we took a break, it was the time we needed to take a good look at ourselves and change the parts of us that needed healing and growth.  I never expected my FI to change as much as he did (he feels the same about me) because I accepted the fact that people don’t change easily.  But the same dedication I put into my own personal development each time we took a break, apparently my FI did the same.  We have come a long ways from who we were when we first met, but it’s one of the biggest reasons why I feel very confident that we are truly meant to be together.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3195 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    troubleinparadise777:  

    My husband and I took breaks while we were dating. He would initiate break ups and then beg for me to return about a week later. I initiated our final break up. Our break ups helped because they helped me see what I was willing to tolerate from my then boyfriend. When I told him not to call me back until he knew what he wanted, I think my then boyfriend gained a lot more respect for me. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    418 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    My break ended up in a breakup, which is a positive outcome in my eyes.  My ex wouldn’t acknowledge an unhealthy relationship with substances and would lie to save face.  We took a “break”, he moved out and I met my now fiance 4 months later.  Not living together allowed me to realize how unhappy I was with him.  That break is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.  

    Post # 11
    Member
    1917 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    My FI and I took a 5 month break from each other. He wasn’t ready to commit at the time and was feeling like he was missing out and needed more guy time. Well, he got it by his own request. During our time apart I had dated several different men and it gave me the opportunity to really know for sure what I was looking for in a relationship and how I wanted to be treated. My now FI though, he went through major depression being apart, he barely ate, never went out, and barely talked to anyone but his cousin. We didn’t talk at all during our time apart and although it hurt, it was a little refreshing to clear our minds. He realized he couldn’t stand being apart from me and I realized how I couldn’t get over him no matter how hard I tried. Our relationship grew from the break in the long-run and he has a lot more respect for me and our time together.

    Post # 12
    Member
    579 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    troubleinparadise777:  I don’t know whether or not this counts but we broke up for 4 days about 5 months into our relationship. Was the best thing we could have done. It literally saved our relationship. We hadn’t learnt to argue and so 5 months worth of differences exploded into one disagreement, no yelling or anything just a disagreement… We split up and realised really quickly we had made a mistake and worked out how to communicate because of it…

    Post # 13
    Member
    3702 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    I will say that there is a difference between breaking up and ending up back together in the end and “taking a break.” The first option isn’t really a planned break, it’s more organic, and in that case, it can turn out ok if you chose to get back together after a while(as it has for a few PPs), but it isn’t an expectation. In my opinion, “taking a break” as in, we will not talk to eachother for 2 months as see where we stand, doesn’t tend to work out as well and is usually just a way to ease into an actual break up. It’s to ambiguous and doesn’t allow anyone to grow as a person because they are just stuck in limbo.

    Post # 14
    Member
    406 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    troubleinparadise777:  This is so different for everyone; just because it helped or hurt someone does not mean it will do the same for you.

    I took a break during my last relationship (he cheated, I needed time to process before I made any calls) and ended up meeting my FI, so my break ended up pretty nicely, I’d say. 🙂

    Post # 15
    Member
    637 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2017 - Ceremony and Reception: Historic mansion on the water

    We took several breaks before becoming engaged and it worked for us.  After each break we can back stronger and our feelings deeper than ever before.  During the breaks we both took time to focus on ourselves as well as time to think about each other and whether we were better apart or together.  

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