Did the proposal make a big difference?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
1377 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Mrs.N:  FI and I talked about marriage for a year before he actually proposed. It did make a big difference to me whether it was official or unofficial – felt very different. I think it was because it was a difference of the answer to the question ‘are you getting married?’ – one was a ‘yeah, probably, I mean we talked about it and want to’ and one was ‘yup! planning a wedding right naow!’ I think it just felt more real and permanent. 

Post # 3
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I knew a proposal was happening and marriage shortly afterwards over a year ago (I think December of 2012 is when he started talking about it in a real let’s-do-this-in-the-near-future sort of way). I joined this site in early 2013 and became a waiting bee. Even though FI made it no secret that we were getting a ring and we talked about what we wanted for our wedding, I still felt that the proposal and having the ring were important. That happened in March of this year. We’re getting married in September.

It was important to both of us to have that official symbol of a ring, and while it didn’t change much, it did make things feel a bit more real – and, of course, I felt like it was finally appropriate to talk about it with family and actually begin to put money down on things.

I spent more time waiting for the proposal than I am for the wedding! : ) It was a good wait, though, because there was nothing angsty about it. We both knew what was going down.

Post # 4
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee

My FI and I had talked about marriage for over a year before he proposed and went ring shopping together multiple times, so I KNEW a proposal was happening. Being engaged doesn’t feel all that different (we were already living together and were planning on marriage), but having the proposal was a really wonderful moment. He actually cared much more about an actual proposal than I did. Looking back, I’m really glad we have that wonderful moment where he got to do something romantic and meaningful and surprise me, that moment that solidified our commitment of sharing our lives together (even though that had long been decided). It was like, “Okay, we’re really doing this”. I always thought it was cliche when people said this, but it was the happiest day of my life so far (and I already knew we would one day be married). 

Post # 5
Member
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

For us, no. We had talked about how we wanted to get married a LOT before we actually got the ring and he proposed, so it wasn’t a huge deal for me mentally, but he really REALLY wanted to get down on one knee and give me the ring and so he did, and I’m glad he did, because it was wonderful and so much fun to share the news with everyone afterwards. I had known it was coming for over a year (we talked about timing re: I wanted to meet his parents first before we did it) so the wait was fun and stress free and AWESOME.

So in short, it didn’t make a big difference to the way we felt, but it was totally fun to tell everyone. We had been talking marriage for sure for almost a year so it was not a surprise for me at all.

Post # 6
Member
6 posts
Newbee

My fiance and I talked about marriage from the moment we met.  And then it didn’t get serious until this year.  Our anniversary was March 31st and we talked about getting married and we bought my engagement ring and band.  It sat in my jewelry box for five days until he proposed on Easter.  Me personally I didn’t need the proposal but the way he proposed was very simple and honestly romantic.  It was very us, there weren’t any flowers or a dinner.  We were sitting in the dark (because we had just finished watching a movie) and he told me how much he loved me and quite a few other things but I was crying through the entire proposal.  and that’s all I needed.  When people ask I tell them the story, but honestly, he could haev just given me the ring and I would have been fine.

Post # 7
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Villa Celeste

I was very surprised when my fiance proposed. When I first met him, I had just gotten out of a serious relationship and wanted time to myself to regain my footing. A year later, we started dating when I was 25 and still in grad school. We dated very casually for the first two years, and in fact saw other people throughout. It was just sort of a right thing-wrong time type of deal. It wasn’t until I was 27 that we decided to become exclusive. I had made it clear to my FI that I didn’t want to get married until I was 30. (He’s a few years older than me, and was eager to seal the deal). He completely blindsided me when I was 28 and proposed. Given that I had told him I wanted to wait a few years, I was absolutely shocked. However, he said he would wait as long as I wanted, he just wanted the commitment to be in place and his intention to be known.

Nearly 5 years later, we are finally getting married this September. Most people I know on this site, had made it clear and were pretty sure that marriage was upcoming. I guess if you already know and have discussed it, then the proposal doesn’t matter as much. For me the proposal was great, but it was what it meant behind all of that. 

Post # 8
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I was with my FI 4 years and lived for about half before he proposed, so it wasn’t like it was out of the blue. Because we were together so long, I thought it will not make a difference when we get engaged. But it kind of did. It was the day after it happened that it actually hit me that I’m going to spend my whole life with this person and there’s no backing down. It was a weird feeling, almost as if I lost me freedom 😀 :D. Of course, I’ve never considered myself “free” in this sense before, so it was super unexpected to me. The feeling(s) passed shortly after and I started feeling more confident and inclined to make plans for the future for both of us. So, yeah, I guess it did change a little bit for me. 🙂

Post # 9
mswallabyBee
2070 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012 - Oak Tree Manor

We talked about getting married within a few months of when we started dating. I swear, we both just *knew.* I love that man so, so much – and I couldn’t possibly imagine myself with anyone else. Ever since we first started dating, I’ve felt committed to him – my heart has been set on that since way before we got married. So no, I don’t think the proposal really changed our relationship at all. Getting married was awesome, to seal the deal and to pronounce our love in front of all our friends and family – but we were committed to each other before the proposal and the wedding, so that didn’t change.

Post # 10
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

It mattered to us. Even though we talked and marriage, and even looked at venues, etc it mattered. My FI said even though we were both on the same page, and some point he’d ask me, and I couldn’t take that away from him. He said he knew he was 100% all in when he asked the official question, despite all our talk and planning. He was a nervous wreck that day (as was I) even though he knew I’d say yes. And when he asked, there was a sigh of relief when I agreed immediately. We’d lived together 2 years and it was still a huge moment. I’m glad I have the memory, and I’ll never doubt that hes all in, I didn’t rush him or coerce him. 

Post # 11
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Yes! It mattered. We had just moved in together, and had agreed that we’d give ourselves 6 months to make sure we could bear each other (as we’d been long distance the whole 2 years prior). Well he jumped the gun and proposed after a month. 😀  It made a huge difference to me.

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