Post # 1
I’ve been dating my SO for approximately five months. We knew instantaneously that we found “the one”, and after some beating around the bush we expressed just as much within that same week. I know I may be among friends here, but I feel the need to explain SO is quite a successful professional and 29, and though I will be 26 soon, I have had plenty of LTRs in the past which have ended in disappointed. I am not disillusioned and seeing things with rose colored glasses. This was completely different for us, and God pretty much slapped us upside the head to prove it with a series of coincidences in the first week which still continue to this day.
He openly told me he knows he’ll marry me, and I’ve gradually allowed my insecurities to subside enough to believe him. I have become a constant in his social circle and his family. His brother recently got engaged to the woman he had dated for nearly eight years, and as soon as that happened SO grilled me for information on what, theoretically, I would want. He asked for my ring size, the style of ring, the carat, and ran the gammit of “what if you don’t like..” or “what if I don’t get the right size” and if I would prefer to pick it out (I replied a hearty no, my engagement dream was to have the ring picked, bought, sized, and thrust upon me while I cry like a child).
We have quite frequently – only when he’s brought up the topic – discussed the cost associated with a wedding and reception and how we would pay, what type of food we would have catered, which venues we would consider, what dress I would like, and how many guests we should invite.
I feel nervous now because with the constant discussion, it’s almost as if this is going to happen soon. My only concern is being disappointed because it will not. I spend most weekends out of the month with SO and his parents, as my family lives out of state. He happens to be traveling to the city which they live in the early part of next year, and although he has never met them, he has agreed to take them out to dinner on his own without my presence to get acquainted. He has also been joking about my “dowry negotiation” which he will present to my father. He jokes about it so much when we discuss the trip that I am beginning to think he may actually make his intentions known to my parents.
It has been a slipperly slope on my side because the more I listen to this, the more hopeful I become. Has anyone else gone through this, and if so… how long as the time generally been before they pop the question?
Post # 3
I had about 2-3 months of the intense him talking saying that he is going to get together with my dad etc.
I was on pins and needles and constantly got myself worked up for disappointment and I could tell you not to do this but you will do it anyway LOL!!!!!! What was great though was when it was happening I thought I was just getting myself worked up again for disappointment and so I didn’t truly know it was happening until the moment but all I can say is that all the anticipation made it a really fun experience (I try not to think of the days where the disappointment made me moody LOL)
It’s an exciting time – enjoy every minute of it!!!!!!
Post # 4
Yay for finding the guy you want to share your life with!!
After my FI and I started talking marriage, picked out the ring, & got engaged– it took about a year of conversation. I got my ring a little after the 3 year mark.
You’ve been together for 5 months, so you definitely don’t want to get your hopes up too much yet because if can cause a lot of unnecessary stress in your relationship. I found myself getting annoyed with him when he didn’t propose when I thought he would or when friends who’d been dating less time than we have got engaged, I’d secretly be upset with him! It was insane…
Honestly, I think the best thing to do is to put it out of your mind. You still have a long way to go… he could propose tomorrow or he could propose in 2 years from now. Don’t let the waiting take away from your time together 🙂
Post # 5
Squeeeee!!!!!!! I love love stories! 🙂 🙂 🙂
It IS super hard to be talking about marriage but not really knowing what kind of timeline you’re on — BF and I are doing the SAME, and it’s driving me bonkers. (We too have both been in LTRs before and knew within a week that we want to be together forever; I’ve been pleasantly surprised by how well people have accepted our decision, even early on – hopefully you’ve had/will have similarly positive reception!).
Can I just say… now that you’ve joined WeddingBee, you have to be INCREDIBLY careful or you’ll be ADDICTED, haha, and get an even worse case of Wedding Brain before you know it…
I know it can be hard to bring stuff up, sounds like you’ve been letting him direct most of the wedding related talk, but it will probably save you a TON of trouble and set your mind at ease if you ask him WHEN he is thinking. At least if you have a general time frame in mind, you know how to better protect your own heart. 🙂 He may not have a time frame in mind yet, but ask him, let him think about it, then discuss it together. Knowing a time frame will also allow you guys to start talking about things like preengagement counselling, if you want to go that route, etc., which my BF and I are finding completely WONDERFUL for our young relationship – just because we’re meant for each other doesn’t mean our relationship was born perfect haha 🙂
Good luck, and congrats on finding the man meant for you!!!
Post # 6
It sounds like at the very least, your guy is pretty ready to take the next step in your relationship. My husband’s theory is that most guys don’t even start thinking about their weddings and wedding planning until they’ve already decided that they are going to get engaged. I know in our case, we started vaugely discussing plans (dates, locations) maybe 6-8 months before we actually got engaged! We’re both big planners and we kinda had to make some long-term plans with respect to my grad school and our living situation. I remember a specific conversation where we actually started working on a guest list in October and we didn’t get engaged until the following April.
In our case, I have a feeling (although I haven’t asked him) that he had already picked out and ordered my ring, but was in the process of paying for it–which is what took so long. So, it’s possible that it might take a little while before you actually have the ring on your finger. If I were you, I’d try to relax and just let things happen. It sounds like you two have a good relationship and you’re at least on the road to getting engaged. 🙂 Hang in there!!
Post # 7
Yes, this happened to me. About 6 months after we started dating I went to visit my FI for New Years (we are about 3 hours apart so I usually on see him on the weekends) Everyday I was there he said something about us geeting married. By day 5 (it was a long weekend) I finally had to ask him to pinch me and make sure I wasn’t the one bringing this up. In March we went to a wedding together and on the ride back he started asking me about who would be in our wedding party and our colors. This went on until he proposed on our 1 year anniversary. I finally had to tell him to stop talking about us geting married if he wasn’t going to propose soon. He had been teasing that he’d let me know if he was going to marry me by 2013.
Post # 8
@noornoor, I know exactly how you feel! I could tell from the start that my current boyfriend would be it for me. We’ve been talking about rings/marriage/kids/the rest o’ our lives for several months now (have been dating for about ten…when did that happen?!), and we have a sort of implied timeline. He knows I’d like to get married in the spring. I’m graduating next spring. I’ve played it cool and acted like I don’t think anything is going to happen…
“So Minutiae. Where do you see yourself in a year, sweet tart?” [/loaded question]
“Well, I’ll be graduated, so I guess I’ll be job hunting then. I’d like to move out of my parent’s place as soon as possible, so I’ll be looking for my own place too. College debt, big life changes. It’ll be a big year! Ha ha ha!”
“Oh…*surprised* Well…we’ll see what happens…you know I’m here for you, OK? Don’t worry about what will happen. It will all work itself out, I’m sure. Ummmm…yeah, so how ’bout that weather?”
We’ll see what happens alright! Haha. Here’s to hoping our engagements happen SOON! You know I’ll be cheering for you as soon as you post a picture of that e-ring! 🙂
Post # 9
How sweet!!! I don’t know what happens before you get a ring lol!!! But I do know that it sounds like he’s bursting at the seams to give you one!
Post # 11
Haha my boyfriend started in with that late this spring. My response:
him: i think we shoud do x and y and we should blah blah blah
me: no ring, no wedding talk, mmk? 🙂
Post # 12
Thanks everyone, I was half expecting a huge barrage of “it’s too soon” and “you’re crazy”, but the input and warmth here has been phenomenal! I’ve been accustomed to my previous LTRs with strained talk of marriage, so this soon and this real was a huge shock (but pleasant) to me. I will be sure to check in often and will let you know how it goes. Funny how when you meet the right person, everything seems to fall into place. 🙂
Post # 13
My boyfriend started thinking about it 3 weeks ago and I’ve been addicted ever since. No joke. It’s kinda sick, actually. Just take a deep breath and let it happen!
Post # 14
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
Um, yeah my fiance was driving me CRAZY in the few months before we got engaged talking about wedding stuff. My best friend is getting married and I am her MOH, so I already had “wedding brain” (as he calls it) a few months before he proposed. However, I wasn’t the one bringing up wedding stuff – he was! I finally had to tell him to stop, because he was getting my hopes up and I didn’t think there was any way he was proposing.
Of course, it’s almost impossible not to think about it/get excited about it. I am very glad he ended up proposing or else I probably would have killed him.
Post # 15
lately, it hasn’t been the wedding that my (live-in) bf and i have been talking about as much, which i really like and makes me feel better that things are moving along. it’s been the registry! and it’s getting ridiculous! my bf is a big foodie/home-chef, and it used to be a little joke, like, “no, no le creuset now, hahaha, wait ’til the registry.” but now it’s getting out of hand. like, no! stop talking about the g*dd*** fancy knives you want and how we need new glasses or cutting boards etc! everytime he brings it up i’m like now “hush. not. until. the registry.” it isn’t funny anymore, it’s like i’m nagging him every time he’s cooking dinner (most nights, i’m lucky ) and the knives aren’t sharp enough. like i’m holding out on what he wants until he proposes, or like he’s only going to propose so we can stop using our second-hand pots and pans. it’s so materialistic and gross. gahh!
okay, vent over
Post # 16
This happened to me too! We started dating in March, were talking marriage by June and picked out rings in August…..and we got engaged in April. The wait almost killed me, but as soon as I put it out of my mind and just focused on our relationship, lo and behold-we were engaged!
It sounds like he’s 100% ready, hang in there!