For a while in my mid-20s I thought i might not want children. Mostly, I was concerned about the overpopualtion of our planet and the fact that our world is so hostile to people in so many ways... what if my child were gay and had to face the discrimination of our world, the constant war, etc. In the end, the feeling that my child could help make the world a better place won out against the potential that the world is getting worse and not better and I was honestly encouraged by the election of Barack Obama in 2008. I can see a more open, loving America on the horizon. I just hope we get there. I'm due in January and it really does concern me that women still make so much less than men, that gay people can't marry in most of this country, and that we often blame rape on the woman still.
I don't have kids yet but I have always wanted to be a mom. It feels impossible at this point. I want to have kids but I don't want to have someone else raise them because FI and I can't afford for me to stay home.
Eff this economy.
For a long time I wasn't sure if I wanted to have kids but it's definitely changed in the past few years and now I know I want them for sure. Just need to figure out the logistics of which one of us will be able to stay home--I really, really hate the idea of daycare.
Until I was about 20, I was dead set against them. I wanted to be a balls to the wall career woman who spent her loads of money on fabulous luxuries and never had to worry about babies. DH convinced me, though. Through conversations with him and my own self-reflection, I came to realize that a more family-oriented life would make me happier. Changing your mind doesn't happen all at once. I'd say it took about a year for me to be convinced that I want kids. Anyway, now I'm kind of baby crazy, and I cannot WAIT for DH and I to be parents!
I think baby fever often waits awhile to kick in. I wish mine had. I've wanted babies since I was like 17 (and am luckily married to a guy who wants a baby like yesterday, so we're trying!). I wouldn't worry about it. I mean, some people never wants kids, but sometimes you can be dead set against it and then wake up one day and really, really, really want a baby.
When I was 5, if someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would answer "vet or teacher or janitor or doctor. But most importantly, a mommy."
So yes, I have always known I want to be a parent! :P
I was 30 before it even crossed my mind seriously. 32 before I decided I wanted them, definitely.
I was never ever having kids - at exactly your age. Until my then fiance (now ex husband) and I went to the hospital about an hour after his niece was born. When I held her all just born and all, I changed my mind. Best decision I ever made, now I have a beautiful 8 yr old girl. Something just changed for me in that moment, holding not only a newborn but a 1 hour old baby. Pretty sure it was all I got from that relationship LOL
@mrsSonthebeach: those things are concerning - but the thing I find hopeful is that we can be raising the generation that changes all of those things for good. It's all in what we teach them to be.
I was never one of those "I was meant to be a mom" type of people. I have friends whose biggest dream in life is to have kids, and that's great, but that has never been me. In my late teens I debated whether I even wanted to have children, and if I did, maybe I would just adopt or foster.
Then I met my SO and after some time I got a bit of baby fever. As our lives are finally getting figured out and coming together, I'm thinking about five or 10 years down the road, and I see kids. I am so stinkin' excited to have kids with him, and I have no doubts about wanting to someday be a mom.
Thoughts about having children didn't even hit my radar (or my friends) until we were 26-27 and then it was the only thing everyone was talking about. Maybe its a biological clock thing?
I was always dead in the middle (not on option on this poll). I thought I'd be happy to have kids if the right situation presented itself (happy partnership, stable mood, right timing) but that I'd be okay if that never happened.
Whereas some of my friends would be devastated not to be a mother. Now that the timing has worked out for me and I'm in a happy relationship with my husband -- I'd be upset if we couldn't have a child. But it was never the main priority in my life.
Being told you can't have kids showed me just how much I really wanted them. I never knew how much I wanted to be a Mum until the decision was taken away from me. I spent many years agonizing over not being able to have kids and not being able to give my FI the daughter or son he so badly wanted.
BUT I was recently told that I almost definitely could have kids!! Best news ever! So even though I'm not actively trying yet I am still charting and have my fingers crossed for the future :)
I voted yes, but in my late twenties I went through a period where I questioned whether I would have kids. I was in a LTR with a guy and it wa so dysfunctional, lots of arguing, and I tried to break up with him a hundred times and he would always find a way to convince me to stay....
anyway, I only wanted kids if I was in a happy, healthy partnership. even as non-traditional as I am, I always wanted to be married first before having kids. I guess I wanted to feel like someone was really committed to me, and me to them, before we took the huge step to start a family.
when I got pregnant by accident with aforementioned guy, I had an abortion. It was emotionally hard, but I felt so much better after, and never regretted it. I finally left him a year later, when I fell in love with another woman, and realized I needed to take a risk to be happy.
We got married this past summer, and we've been together for over four years now. My ex and I are still on good terms. My wife and are will be TTC this winter- we already have a donor lined up. That's my long story to stay, I always wanted to be a mother, but not at any cost, only if the situation was right. Now i'm older, wiser, and happily married, so nows the time!
It's probably going to sound cheesy but for as long as I can remember, I've wanted nothing more in life than to be a mother. I honestly feel like it is a part of my purpose on this earth. I can't wait to play a role in creating a human being and shaping them into the man/woman they will become.
I have always had a deep maternal instinct and I honestly can't recall a time when I DIDN'T know for sure I wanted to be a mom.
NO, I did not want kids. Even as a teenager I would tell people I didn't want kids. I babysat a lot and loved kids, but didn't want my own...flash forward to 2012, and I have 4 kids. I LOVE them and was born to be a mom. I am a sahm and wouldn't trade it for the world!
I've always wanted have kids. I'm only 22, but I guess it hit me when I started wanting to be married at 17. Now, I'm married at 22 and it's hit me even harder that I want a family. I guess I could just picture a little boy or girl that takes just after his/her daddy.
I feel like I should have been born when ladies got married when they were still young, and had kids at a pretty young age, too.
@Lovemelovemyhorses: I have wanted to be a mom since I was three years old. Lol! I just knew that it was in my destiny and I want it more than ANYTHING <3
I also have animals who are my babies, which helped me keep my baby fever at bay when we were engaged =) lol
I've always wanted kids, so did DH. Our cats have become our babies until our baby comes next year! Totally guilty of mothering them and spoiling them silly.
DH has ALWAYS wanted to be a dad, but I was the opposite. Having kids was always sort of scary to me. I didn't start coming around to the idea until about the time we started dating, when I was 20. I'm an only child, and had never really been around kids that much. I started working with kids more around age 20-21 (in a school clinic, and a nursery) and realized I LOVED them. When we got married (I was 22) I was definitely looking forward to having them in a few years (I was thinking 5-7 years). Around our 1 year anniversary, I first got a touch of "baby fever". It was so weird. Fast forward to now - I'm 25 and baby fever is raging!! I can't wait to be a mom. I'm in graduate school, so we probably won't try for another year at least, but I can tell you that my attitude definitely changed with time. I think this is due to several factors - my priorities (I used to be VERY career driven, but not so much now), maturity, and a growing relationship with my DH.
I didn't always know that I wanted children, but then again, I wasn't sure that I ever wanted to get married, either. Then I met the right guy and suddenly, marriage and children seemed like the way to go.
I always figured I would want kids, but I never actually felt like I wanted my own until I was about 26 and knew who with. It's totally normal not to feel like you want kids now when you're 20, in fact most people probably don't. If you feel the same way in 10 years, then maybe kids aren't for you.
It's funny, when I was about your age (I'm in my early 30s now), I still wanted to have kids. But when I got to about my middle and late 20s, I was okay with not having them on the horizon, at all. I think that that was around the time that I was stable myself: I was done school, I was starting my career, and was travelling whenever and wherever I wanted to. And having friends with young kids really emphasized that drastic lifestyle change.
Now that I'm in my early 30s, and newly married, I'm thinking about kids again. I'm back to the state of mind that I had always imagined myself with children.
Don't ever let someone else tell you whether or not to have children, because at the end of the day, you are the one that has to raise them.
I have a friend that always said she was never getting married, and never having children. She was the one that got married first, and is trying to have her 5th child.
On the other side, I know people who never wanted children, never had them, and never regretted it (they are close to retirement age)
While I was always terrified of the prospect of giving birth, I always assumed I would one day have children. In the past year I have really gotten baby fever, and I like WANT children, asap. There is a difference, but I always knew that I would be a parent one day in the distant future. :)
@Lovemelovemyhorses: I think that if you don't know by the time you're 35, you probably don't. Some people aren't sure but take the plunge and absolutely adore parenting. Other people have known they want kids forever. It varies from person to person.
I've never been one of those born to be a mom types, but I think I always assumed I'd have kids. I went through a period where I didn't want them, but now I am thinking about having them again. I'm 27. I suppose I haven't given it any real thought until the last couple of years. I was busy being young lol. My last relationship was a disaster and nowhere near marriage so thinking about kids was pointless. Now that I'm more established financially and I'm with the guy I hope to marry, I am considering it. It scares me but at the same time I think I might regret not having a kid. A couple of weeks ago we visited with my SO's friends and their new baby and I was smitten. I've never really been into babies before.
You're 20 so I think that you have lots of time to decide. The fact you're scared of hurting a baby is a good thing in my books.. shows you do have a nurturing instinct. Same w. your pets! I baby my cat.
I don't know... I am not sure anyone is 100% ready/prepared to have a baby. It's a huge thing. I just think that you really shouldn't have to think about this sort of thing now if it makes you anxious.
I grew up being told that the point of getting married was to start a family .. but I've never wanted children lol!
I never wanted kids (or to get married). I was never around kids as a kid, except at school (where I hated everyone). Even in my first two relationships, I didn't want kids. Then I met FI.
ETA: Obviously it doesn't work that way for everyone, and that's okay. :)
I think it really depends based on where you are in life at the time.
I always knew I wanted to be a mom, all growing up, and wanted to be a young mom (as in, early - mid 20s). Then, when I got to my early/mid 20s I realized that while I still wanted kids, and would have been fine having them then, I actualy really valued my freedom to do what I wanted. Now, at 27, baby fever has defiitely hit. Most all of my friends have kids (on just had one today!!!) and being around so many babies is just making it crazy hard to not have one asap..lol.
I knew from the time I was like 10 that I wanted kids and I always said I was going to have twins, I've even had all my kids names picked out since I was 10 or 12. I've only modified the names a little (middle names different than what I picked out then :) ). People thought I was just being a 10 year old (twins do not run in my family or my exes). At 16 I had a lot of health issues and was told by 2 different doctors that I was probably never going to have children. For whatever reason I just didn't believe that. I just KNEW I was going to have children and this set of twins I always said I was going to have. At 21 I had my oldest boy and at 24 I had TWINS a boy and girl :)
I have always wanted children, but the thought of being pregnant and giving birth scares the crap out of me! I just don't feel like my body was built to bear children. It's really quite irrational and I hope to get over it soon. As I have not been able to talk my SO into getting a seregate. Anywho, I don't think we will be ready for another 3 years or so anyway.
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I'm curious I guess.
I am only 20. I'm not planning to have a child for the next 5-10 years if at all. I don't feel like I have a 'mothering' instinct. It could just be because i'm young, but I wanted to see if there was a time for you guys when you developed that, or if you always knew you wanted children.
FH and I have lots of animals, and I think of them as my babies (i know that's a pet peeve for some people, but that's how I see them, I love them with all my heart). I don't get all gushy over babies, i'm more worried that i'll accidently hurt them, or that they'll puke all over me, but show me an animal and I squeal like a kid at christmas. My friend has a baby, and I have fed and held him before, but I just don't get clucky! Any time I tell someone I don't know If I want children, they tell me i'm nuts or think i'm some kind of cyborg! I told my mum about how I wonder if i'll ever want kids and she said at my age she felt the same way, but eventually wanted children a lot. Was it like this for anyone else, or did you always want kids?