Post # 1
I’ve just been noticing a lot of posts about breaking up or taking a “break” (which I assume is not breaking up, but not being 100% together). How many Bees have with their current SO/FI/DH or former? Did you get back together? Did it help the relationship? FI and I broke up for about five months, but when we got back together, I swear it was the best thing that could have happened to us.
Post # 3
@jwdesiree: I did with my ex and it was really just delaying the inevitable. After repeating the break up/make up cycle a few times, we called it quits (well I did, for my sanity).
I suppose it depends on the reasons you take a break, but in general I think that wild horses shouldn’t keep you apart, so something is clearly very wrong if you willingly decide to be apart.
Post # 4
I have never taken a break with any boyfriend, FI and I have come close a couple of times, but we have never taken a break and are still going strong.
Post # 5
I was in a long distance relationship with my now fiance. We broke up at our 3 month, another time, beacuse I wanted to move closer and he freaked out about it and then we were on a break the 2 weeks before he proposed. After he proposed I moved closer and the last 8 months of being together have made the biggest greatest difference.
Post # 6
I left DH (before we got married) for a brief period because his drinking had gotten out of control. This caused him to finally take a good honest look at himself and realize that he was drinking way too much and that his “party habits” weren’t worth losing me over. He went and got help and our relationship did a complete 180! It was the most devestated that I have ever been in my life, but he’s happy, healthy, and has his drinking under control and I truly don’t believe that would have happened if I hadn’t walked away from him for that time period. Best thing that ever could have happened! 🙂
Post # 7
@jwdesiree: in the 2 year of our relationship we broke up because i felt lonely. he spent too much time studing and in his acadamic activities and didn’t pay any atention to me, despite the fact that i also had academic activities and studing to do but still managed to squise some time to him and us. we were apart for one month or so, and then we decided that we wanted to stay together and we should work in our problems and not give up on us. so we did… 🙂 we are still together today.
Post # 8
@canarydiamond: Hmmm, never thought about the back-and-forth couples… Should’ve included that in the poll! I agree that doing it more than once is probably going to be detrimental to the relationship, because it always seems like it’s an option/easy out. I also agree with you, though, that if you’re meant to be, “wild horses shouldn’t keep you apart.” Good points you’ve raised. Thank you.
@SweetMelissa429: Beautiful story! I agree that sometimes it takes losing you for them to change.
Post # 9
Nope. We don’t believe in breaks (personal – no offence to anyone else). Weve made it through middle school, high school, and university without a break. Our rule is to never threaten a break up in a fight unless you truly mean it. We take that very seriously.
Post # 10
I don’t personally believe in breaks. Once it gets to that place it’s time to move on and be done. I don’t believe in breaking up and getting back together either – unless significant amount of time has passed. I know there are plenty of relationship success stories that entail breaks or break ups, it’s just not for me.
Post # 11
We broke up once, about a year and a half in. We argued all the time and refused to communicate. He broke up with me, and we stayed apart for about two weeks. I did try to text him but he didnt reply. He did reach out to me a few weeks in and wanted to just talk without thinking about a relationship.
Our attraction was so strong that we were back to being sexually attached the first time we met after the breakup. Things were so bad before the breakup that it took about a month or two for both of us to really feel good about getting those *titles* back.
We never looked back. We communicate so well and rarely ever fight. I think the breakup saved our relationship. I was so devastated, ya’ll, but the end result was so worth it.
Post # 12
@WannaBeeMrsB: WOW! Good on you two for staying together for so long! Seriously, that is an accomplishment!
@MrsWBS: I totally agree(d) with you… Now-FI and I broke up with no intention of getting back together. We didn’t speak to each other, saw other people, and it hit us like a freight train: “What the Hell are we doing?”
Post # 13
We broke up for almost a year and never planned on getting back together. But I had moved across the country, and grew up quite a bit, and it helped our relationship when we eventually did get back together.
Post # 14
- Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI
I have never taken a break from my FI. We have been together for just over a year and at this stage in our lives I think we both have grown up enough to know what we wanted and how to work out any issues together.
In the past with former SOs it was a little more difficult because it was a time in our lives where there were lots of changes (high school to college to grad school) and a lot of growing up to do. My HS boyfriend and I were on and off for years but things never got any better. My college boyfriend and I almost broke up once and then decided not to but a year later things ended anyway.
Most of my SOs couldn’t deal with my career path and getting a higher level of education than they had. I had one ex tell me it was not a woman’s place to be higher educated than a man. He also had grand expectations of me not only working but doing all the child raising alone! He said he would like to be one of those “Dads” who just sees the kids for 15 min/day. Yeah, so happy he’s now moved across the country!
All of these on and off again experiences taught me to know what I want, know what I am not going to change about myself, and that I need to find someone who is accepting of those things. In the end I was lucky enough to find someone who loves me without me having to give up who I am.
Post # 15
@jwdesiree: My SO (soon to be FI) and I broke up about 6 months into our relationship. He ended it. We, after he realized he made a huge mistake, got back together 2 months after that. We went to a counselor to discuss the issues, which was the best thing we could have done. I made the decision to stick by the man whom annihilated me, because I knew in my heart of hearts he was the ‘one’. I knew he was worth the fight, and he needed a bit more time to get there as well. It has made us stronger, definitely. Our story is not perfect, but I am not ashamed to tell it either. He needed to grow up, and/or needed distance to figure out what he wanted.
Today, I have no regrets about my decision to ‘try again’, and although he regrets hurting me, he has no regrets about taking the time to ‘figure it out’.
Post # 16
@jwdesiree: yes. We broke up for 2 years 🙂 it was the best thing to ever happen to us. We got together young and had a lot of growing up to do that needed to happen independently of each other. The kind of growth we had as individuals during that time apart was necessary for us to be successful. It was never a question of love or desire to make things work. We just weren’t capable of it without being able to get our own footing. the thing is, we broke up with no intention of getting back together. It just happened that way and we are both incredibly happy these days.