Did you and your FI have a similar childhood?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
5285 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@MrsPanda99:  My husband and I had almost the exact same upbringing and same morals and values! Granted we are from two different cultures and religions are parents are eerily similar. The only difference is that I had a sibling and a bigger family presence around me then my husband and he is an only child and didnt have much of an extended family

Post # 4
Member
2962 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

DH and I couldn’t be more opposite. First of all, DH is the SECOND product of an affair. Yes that’s right, he has an older sister that was a product of the SAME affair! His parents were never in a relationship (well, not one that they were solely together). My parents were together awhile before they had me and married almost a year after I was born. He has 2 brothers and 4 sisters. I have 2 brothers. He grew up living from home to home, he was even placed in Foster care for a little bit due to his mother’s negligence. His father ended up taking him and his sister and raising them but that wasn’t until he was 9. My parents struggled to give me and my brothers the best. They didn’t let their lower class show. We went on family trips once a year. They worked 2 or 3 jobs each to give me and my brothers the best. My mother went on to get her degree to become an RN when I was in middle school. We became middle class. DH doesn’t even UNDERSTAND classes! We couldn’t be more different but we do have the same morals and values and our love for each other is the same.

 

Post # 5
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

FI and I are both only children which I think works really well…we cater to each other but also know when to draw the line lol.  We more or less had similar backgrounds socioeconomically growing up too.  Niether of our families is into organized religion and we have the same morals/values.

Post # 6
Member
9220 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Not really.  His family was super-religious, mine was not.  Mine was affluent, his was not as much.  However, both sets of parents were stable and provided healthy guidance for the most part, so in that way it was similar.  We knew our boundaries and how to treat people with respect.

Post # 7
Member
2851 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Not at all.

I was raised in a stable home. We had our issues; dad with anger issues, money issues when he lost his job… yada yada yada but all in all it was a safe and loving childhood.

FI was raised in a very unstable home. Drugs, physical and emotional abuse. His parents did not know how to manage money or ensure that their children were instilled with the proper life skills.

It has been a long road getting FI where he is now; I have had to teach him many things such as responsibility and money management.

Post # 8
Member
1584 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@MrsPanda99:  I would say we had completely different upbringings.

I am one of two children, both girls, and was mostly raised in the country. We always had pets, and my parents didn’t have too many friends that they were close to. They also split up when I was 11. My parents are quite liberal.

FI is the youngest of 4 boys, always city raised, no pets, had a large group of family friends that he was surrounded by growing up. His parents are a bit more conservative than mine.

Post # 9
Member
1111 posts
Bumble bee

Our childhoods were pretty much opposite in every way.

Me: Both parents together, one sibling, no money issues, no religious affiliation, lived in the same town for 20 years.

Him: Parents together but separated, five siblings, always struggling with money, very Catholic, always moving around. Plus, his mom is from the Philippines so he is bi-racial and has to deal with an entirely different set of issues.

But we make it work. We bond very much over similar interests: cartoons, video games, silly internet memes, etc. We don’t always see eye to eye on everything, but I think it keeps us balanced.

Post # 10
Member
3777 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Not really. I grew up with a very young, single mother living with my grandparents and great grandmother. I was an only child until 14 when my Mom married and had my siblings. While my mom was un-wed til I was 12, she has never divorced. I went to private Catholic school for 12 years. I grew up on a not great side of town, with financial sacrifices made so I could get a private school education.

 

DH has an older sister, and lived with his Mom and Dad until he was about 10, then they divorced. Public school education, not religious at all, and his family was wealthier than I was. He traveled with his family and did things I never could growing up because we couldn’t afford it.

 

Post # 11
Member
1696 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Huh. Not really. 

 

Him: Military brat, moved all over the place, Irish Catholic family, upper middle class with a stay at home mom and a sister close in age.

 

Me: Moved once when I was little. Extremely religious Jews. Went from upper middle to lower middle to middle middle (my parents sucked with money). I was a latchkey kid. My brother is 8 years younger than me, so I was an only child and then a built in babysitter.

 

 

Post # 12
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Ours was fairly similar! Both middle class families with no divorce.

I’m one of four, he’s one of two!

The only difference it that my parents put a higher value on paid work (we all started working by 10–babysitting, working on farmstands, walking dogs, etc), and his put value on work around the home (they lived on a huge piece of land that required a LOT of upkeep) and education. SO he didn’t work until he was 18, and didn’t work FT until 22! (I worked full time by 18, while attending college)

Post # 13
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

We were both raised pretty much exactly the same. Both had 3 siblings, both the oldest, both had very christian conservative parents. The only real major differences: His parent’s didn’t get divorced & mine did, and his mom was a health nut & my mom was a frozen dinner kinda gal, his family moved around alot & mine has lived in the same town since I was born…. Otherwise pretty much the same! 

Post # 14
Member
865 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Couldn’t be more different.

Me: Father a diplomat.  Childhood travelling the world, private education, finishing school, Oxford, big houses, servants…the whole ‘lots of money’ ball of wax. Parents ended up divorcing (very nasty) haven’t seen Father in 25 years, I live on other side of the world from mother (by choice).  No contact with extended family.

FI: Solid middle class upbringing, has only lived in one country.  Father a accountant.  Only child, state education, state university.  Huge extended family as father one of 13, mother one of 9.  Parents still together, he has a good relationship with them.  

Despite the differences, we get on fine.  I sometimes don’t understand his point of view and vice versa, but we work it out.  His father on the other had doesn’t like the fact that I’m so different.  

Post # 15
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@MrsPanda99:  God, no.  I grew up in the suburbs in a middle/upper middle class household (blue collar but we never wanted for anything).  We were not spoiled but went on vacations, went shopping, went out to eat a lot.  My parents were and still are together.  FI grew up in the city, a neighborhood which in his earlier years was safe and family oriented but grew to be extremely dangerous during his teenage years.  His dad was on disability and his mother worked her A off to make sure they survived.  Their vacations were much shorter and more modest than what I grew up with, they never ate out, he wore hand-me downs, and got beat up a lot in a rough neighborhood.  His parents split up later, and where my parents have made sure I got through college debt-free (I am eternally grateful), his parents were unable to help him with college finances in any way, so he has lots of student debt that he hates. 

Despite our families’ differences, it’s so funny how they’re so similar in the basic things: morals, values, and outlook on life.

Post # 16
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We have some similarities in our background, some differences:

Similarities:

Parent’s married, lived in small towns, public school education, played sports, went to church regularly, middle class (his was better off, but still middle class), stable & safe homes (no abuse, drugs, etc>, sibling(s)

Differences:

DH moved a few times, I lived in the same house my whole life

My parents were always around – my mom was a SAHM when I was little & had flexible jobs after that, father was teacher. DH didn’t see his dad much – general surgeon, on call for ER a lot.

DH’s family travelled more (cruises, Antigua, etc.), while my family vacations were more typical beach trips to NJ or NC

My parents are very frugal and careful with money, his parents are better off, but still live outside their means at times. (Actually, it’s our moms in both cases, not parents. Our dads are more moderate.)

I have a large, close extended family – DH’s extended family is tiny and not very close.

 

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