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Those of us in waiting talk about timelines etc. After you and you fi' had the initial talk of okay we're getting married one day, did you have a timeline for when you'd be getting engaged? M refuses to give me a date or time because he wants everything to be a surprise. He is even mum on if he has chosen a date or time period yet.
FI said he was going to marry me after we only knew each other a couple of months ;o) Over the next four years before we got engaged, we talked marriage but never set any sort of timeline. We knew we were going to get married someday and I knew we'd get engaged eventually. The actual engagement came totally out of the blue for me.
@hotchild: it is looking like mine will be out of the blue as well... i am sooo jealous of the ladies who know the month or season!!! i wish. i know we'll get married but that's about it. we have a general timeline (poo or get off the pot type) but it is dec. of next year... oddly enough today (after the removal of the iud) i could care less about when.. well not THAT much, we're older after all lol... i don't want to wait a long time, but maybe my IUD was making me anxious about it? I know I was having several mood related issues that I am attributing to it after reading the side effects because today I just feel happy as a clam lmao!
Absolutely no talk about timelines . . . just a talk about whether we both saw marriage in our future (to each other of course!), and that I would not be his live-in girlfriend forever (and that only happened once-right after I agreed to move in with him at about the 2-year mark . . . he proposed almost a year later). Our third anniversary was in August (of this year) and he proposed October 31.
My personal timeline was approximately 5 years - from first date to wedding (or at least engagement with a wedding in progress).
He somewhat confessed this weekend that he had been wanting to propose for a while before he actually did . . . he was waiting for a few things to line up that just never would, and he said that we had gotten to a point that the proposal *just needed to happen, whether it was *perfect* or not.*
But it was perfect, to me. And I try to tell him that with every little sappy smile I give him and everytime I laugh with him. I wish I could tell him just how much it means to me that he picked *me* . . . not any one of the many other lovely girls that have been part of his life, but me.
We didn't discuss timelines for getting engaged. He did ask if I preferred long engagements or short ones..that was about it. He asked me to marry him a couple of months after our first conversation...LOL. He told me that he knew I was the one after the first week...and started designing my ring about a month before he proposed.
Subtract one from the "no" vote--sorry (I voted before I had a chance to think about it). At first we thought that we would be married within our first two years together, but that fell to the wayside. As we approached our 2 year mark with no real solid talk of WHEN, I started to freak out. I was mad at him, and really hurt--to be honest I felt a little bit betrayed. We sat down and had a long talk (acutally, a few looong talks) and I got the point across to him that "I know you don't want spoil the surprise, but for my sanity's sake, I need to know." We have a timeline set now, and it's made a huge difference. I'm back to being in love, and concentrating on myself.
We do not.
He says kick him in the butt, get things rolling. I'm not a butt-kicker. Ok, maybe I am. Maybe I should make with the butt-kicking so people stop telling me to move to places I don't care to work/live so I can find a job. Bah.
We talked marriage from very early on in our relationship but we were both 21 when we got together so we knew that it would not be until we were at least finished school.
The serious wedding talk came from me ~4 years later but it wasn't until we 5 years later that he actually gave me a timeline. The first timeline was April 2009 because we were expecting a big tax return as it was the first year we were submitting as common law... but it wasn't as big as we had hoped and so he extended the timeline to the end of the year. You can imagine my disappointment when I found out that he hadn't even started saving!
Luckily for me it happened Aug 15th so I did not have to wait as long as he said!
I think he gave me that timeline to make it a surprise but we are both soooo bad at keeping secrets from one another I knew it was going to happen sooner!
When I got into grad school I was told by my fiance he'd propose when I graduated. He managed to wait til the March before graduation, a leap of faith since I wasn't sure I'd be graduating that May (just made it!). Then I had to wait for him to get out of school to start wedding planning. Guess it was a fair exchange lol.
i didn't want to know, so i didn't bring it up much. we talked about our future in general, and marraige, but not the actual proposal. other than little hints i would give him when we saw other proposals on tv, like super public proposals so i could make sure that mine would not be like those.
We had a timeline for when we wanted to get married but not for when we'd get engaged because I wanted to be surprised and have him make that decision, although I did tell him I didn't want to be engaged while we were long distance.
I don't want to have a talk with a specific month or season, but I do plan on having a talk about a certain year with the Boy the beginning of next year (if not sooner). We have not had any discussions about a timeline so far and really only seriously discussed marriage before we moved in together, so we both understood what our expectations were. I kind of worry that a talk will ruin the whole proposal thing and that we'll both be like, "okay, well, let's just do it then." While I don't think it's bad to do it that way, I could kind of see a timeline conversation leading that way.
my post got ate :( i didn't realize so many women only had general proposal timelines.. i am a crazy control freak lol!! i'll sit back and relax and just vent here then.. i don't think M would give me one even if i tried. he gave me a mock timeline to make me happy (and prefaced it by saying, this is not the real date, but i'll give you one since you want one: may 27)
If he had a plan, he didnt tell me.
At the time we were houseshopping, so if we had found one before we got engaged, there would have been a deadline since I was adament about not living together without beng engaged. As it turns out, we bought a house a month after the proposal, so it all worked out.
we have lived together for a year on saturday (DOESN'T FEEL THAT LONG I SWEAR!!) I cannot believe it's that long?! this must be what it's like when you are with the right person, months and years just fly by and you look up and it's been a year and a half when it feels like you met and fell in love yesterday...
@Crebre: LOL! You get ((hugs)) for being too cute!
I know what you mean about the time - Mr. Fish and I have been together for over three years and the time has flown by! Now I know why my parents chose *Time In a Bottle* by Jim Croche as their song. *light bulb!*
He had a timeline but I didn't. He told me about it a couple of months ago, when I asekd him. I had just assumed we were going to wait a while but that marriage was in the works eventually, but he had it planned down to the month. (He is rather big on having a plan A, plan B...plan F, etc).
We didn't have timeline so much as we had a requirement. The requirement being that we both be done with school and financially independent. He proposed 2 years after we met that goal.
At first we had an expectation of when marriage would happen, but since we began dating at 17 we knew that we would have to at least graduate from college first.
He gave me a timeline when he found out his graduation date. He wanted to be able to provide for us before he proposed.
So, when we first started dating we agreed with how we both were in this to see if MARRIAGE was the future. If not than fine, but we were heading with the end goal to be possibly marriage. We then discussed timelines etc... my response, well, you'll know when you know and if there's major implications a few years in then maybe it's not meant to be. But if we KNOW it's meant to be, I don't want to be the person dating for years and years. 2-3 years is my limit, especially if we "know."
I kinda regret that now... cause while I haven't mentioned it since that first week (:-) he's apparently been feeling rushed lately as we're approaching 3 years... i kinda wish I had left well enough alone.... .
Diva - Know exactly what your saying! How have we been together 3 years (almost)!
Nope, no time line. I wanted it to be natural and no pressure on him. We didn't have a full discussion about possibility of marriage before he proposed, but we both know we each wanted to get married one day. When he proposed, it meant so much more to me than me or anyone else nagging him about it, etc. It came 100% from him, and I felt better that way. :)
When C and I first got together, I told him that by our ages we should know by one year whether we want to get married or not, and that I basically expected a proposal around that time. It's been 17 months now with no proposal. We've talked about it, though, and how the best times for a wedding that work with my school schedule are either next summer or winter. When I told him how long it took to actually plan a wedding, he was shocked, so I'm hoping he'll do it soon now that he knows. :)
No timeline for us - we never discussed getting married in specifics before he proposed - we would talk about the future (together), and about having a child, but always very vaguely.
The only semi-timeline thing was that he bought my ring around Christmas of last year, and told his best friend that he planned to ask me in the spring. She told FH "don't be stupid, ask her now" - and he came home and did! But other than that timeline (which had no reason / point to it lol), we never had a timeline.
The proposal was COMPLETELY unexpected! (We had been together about 2.5 years when he asked).
I feel that he may be pressured but I am older, 29 and hello tick tock lol!! I think his family has already added me to the family. I mean they sent a shower invitation with Mr. and Mrs. H on it... I was like ummmm baby, can you let them know we're not married!! lol!! I love his family...
@Afish ((HUGS)) right back atcha!! you're still wearing that newly engaged glow!
@KLP: I think we said about three years (I'm just early, well actually he was, he is the one that said he wanted to get married soon back in June)... I just didn't understand what his concept of soon is LOL!! I think it is within the year and mine was OMG engagement is imminent!! Now I am more relaxed and well happy.. He's a great guy!
Not at all. We knew when we wanted to get married (late summer/early fall 2009). We started talking marriage in May or June 2008, started looking at rings in September 2008, and we got engaged February 4, 2009. I knew it would happen sooner rather than later.
No - I didn't want to pressure him into it. When we moved in together we talked about the fact that we were only doing that because we saw our relationship leading in that direction. Neither of us had lived with anyone before.
Otherwise, I didn't say a peep. However, I wasn't planning to renew our lease at the one year mark unless we were engaged or sat down and talked about it - which I never mentioned to him. luckily he proposed in that first year!
hmmmm i am honestly really surprised by the number of women who had no timeline!
I have a timeline - 2010.
I'm sure I'll still be surprised because of the broadness of my timeline.
@accorn: i have abandoned my timeline, but he thinks it's still by december 31, 2010 (which was a timeline we'd agreed upon together sometime last year).
crebre - I was a big proponent of enjoying every phase of our relationship because I knew pretty early on he was the guy I was going to marry. Getting engaged was amazing, and putting all the pressure on it and knowing when would have - for me - taking some of the specialness away. There are so many girls on the waiting boards here spending so much time worrying about when, and looking for the ring and signs - but if you know you are going to marry him, why not just enjoy this period of time with all the anticipation and joy it brings? Its such a special wonderful time...
maybe i am having an epiphany? but i am sort of agreeing with you. now don't get me wrong i have sent him tons of pictures and he teases me because he says they are the same ring (they aren't but they are the same style lol)... but honestly i don't know if he knows that it's just that i want to be his wife. i could care less about the ring and the wedding and all that other crap... it is so strange.. i am not as moody as i was since i had the iud i feel so much better and more like myself.. problem is i didn't know i was being nuts lol!!! i teased M the other day and asked him if he thought he'd like the normal me and he says i dunno i never met her (lol)...
@Janna19: I know what you mean, but I think it's also kind of hard to not want it to happen NOW. For me, I feel like since we already operate like we're married, there is no reason not to be engaged. And life is so short. At the same time, I do think we should all try to enjoy this anxious unknowing time as much as possible.
No real timeline for getting engaged. We've discussed when we'd like to get married and I told him 1.5-2yrs to plan anywhere nice (there don't seem to be many nice places around here, the good ones book up really quickly). I told him that it's up to him, if he proposes later, then the wedding is highly likely to be later. He said that he wanted to get married in 2011. He is more than pushing his luck with that now.
@curlydreamer: i totally agree... i think i'm going to really go mum's the word this time.. lol every other time i only half-heartedly agreed. it was sort of hmmm i need to find this and this and this and this out and then i'll be quiet about it lol! instead of finding everything out up front.
I voted "yes" but the real answer is "kinda."
We never had a real talk about us getting married. We went from talking about marriage individually ("when I'm married someday...") to ifs ("if we get married some day") to whens ("when we're married someday") kind of fluidly without any real discussion. Since we started dating though I always told him that I would not live with a guy again until I was engaged. In spring 2009 I started talking about trying to buy a house in fall 2009. FI told me that he'd like to have some input on the house since we'd be living in it together at some point and suggested we buy it together. His lease is up in Feb 2010, so we decided we would starting looking for a house in early 2010. Thus--- I figured that he would propose before the end of 2009 because he knew I wouldn't start house shopping w/out a ring. :)
Yes, we sort of had a timelime, but it was dependent on me. The agreement was that I would finish grad sch and find a job. Less than 2 months after accepting a full time position he proposed. We played no mind games about it. I kept my end of the deal, and he kept his. I ended up not being surprised, but that's okay!
Yes, we did. It was important to both of us for a lot of reasons, including the fact that we wanted to move in together but both weren't comfortable with that situation if we weren't engaged. It's funny because none of our parents cared which is what one might assume, it was us who felt uneasy.
I had a more strict timeline than FH, he was a little more open-ended, but felt the same way so it ended up being 1.5 years at the end of the day. I guess that's a little earlier than a lot of people wait, but for us it made sense. At 1.5 years we were living together, had met each other's families and treated our relationship like a marriage. there was nothing else to wait for.
I told FI (somewhat in jest), that if he didn't propose by my birthday this year I would cry through the entire dinner and cry day after day until he proposed. We both knew the proposal was coming, so this wasn't any sort of ultimatem. He ended up proposing about 3 weeks prior to my birthday.
I didn't come up with the timeline- he did, I was expecting earliest 2011 and up to 2012.
I'll just say I like his timeline much better than mine.
Crebre- haha, what's the point in abandoning your timeline if he still thinks you have it?
@accorn: LMAO cuz i'm not bringing it up anymore.. LMAO!! we'll just drift past it. shoot he may not even really remember. he knows that I think he'll propose next fall or winter (because it gives him time to get everything situated and it's right before the "deadline" and I think he'll wait to the last possible minute)...
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