Post # 1
So…. FI said “It would be nice if you’d ask my sisters to be bridesmaids. They might not want to do it, but you could offer.”
Long story short- I love my FSILs desperately but they are a BEAR to coordinate anything with. Some of you might remember my Thanksgiving fiasco– that is the case EVERYTIME we try to plan the simplest of things. While I want to include them in wedding prep, the idea of coordinating dress fittings and rehearsals and such with them gives me hives. So I told FI this and he totally understands.
But… it did make me wonder how common it is to ask your FI’s sisters to be in your bridal party. So, bees, did you include them?
Post # 3
My husband wanted his sisters in the wedding, so I asked them to be bridesmaids. One of those sisters, I hadn’t even met until the day before the wedding. I had met the other 2, but I can’t say we were best buddies, sit around and talk for hours types then (we are now).
I figure it’s my husband’s wedding too. He should have some say as to who is in it.
Post # 4
@MexiPino: Hi Lia! I’m going to include my future SIL, even though I’m not close with her. We get along.
But, I have no expectations for any of my bridesmaids other than getting ready together on the actual wedding day. They don’t need to come to a bridal shower or bachelorette party, just show up to the wedding with the right dress.
I think that’s where people’s feelings get hurt, is they have expectations for their bridesmaids, and then bridesmaids don’t live up to par.
So… up to you 🙂
Post # 5
Yes, but it’s his brother’s FI. We see them all the time, FI’s brother is his best man, they are getting married a month before us and asked both of us to be in their wedding, and their daughter is our flower girl so it just felt right to ask her. I don’t have many close girlfriends, no sisters myself, I grew up around all male cousins, plus I love her, she’s awesome and easygoing.
I think you should only ask if you really do want them in your wedding party, rather then an obligation.
Post # 6
My FSIL is a bridesmaid along with my 2 sisters. It means slot to my FI but I chose her of my own accord – shes a wonderful girl and we see each other as sisters already. My FI is only having 1 groomsman and even though I have two brothers I wouldn’t expect him to ask them to be groomsmen because they’re not close (no bad blood, they’re friendly just not close). I don’t think it should be obligatory to choose in laws to stand up for you, but it is a nice gesture – it just depends on your relationship.
Post # 7
@DJones69: I agree. I let it simmer and then asked him later how important it was to him that I ask them. He said “Not very”. When I said the whole “coordinatting with them is difficult” thing, he totally got it. To be fair, he also asked if he should ask my sister’s BF to be in his party and I said no.
@chic_and_fabulous: Yeah, I would have no expectations of them other than to show up at rehearsal on time (if we even have one) and buy whatever grey dress they want & show up on the wedding day in it, on time. But considering it takes WEEKS and multiple begging/pushy texts to get them to agree on when we’ll see each other on the holidays, I just imagine it would not be easy. Also, I did ask one sister to sit down with her (ill) mom and figure out more or less who we need to invite (FI is really bad with names and was sure he was forgetting people). Well, she ended up NOT writing a list at all, but informed us on Christmas that she had verbally invited their cousins’ friends, whom FI doesn’t know. When he said they weren’t invited because he doesn’t even know them, she said “Well I know them and I already told them.” Um. Well it’s gonna be SUPER uncomfortable FOR YOU when YOU tell them you screwed up and they aren’t invited, huh? So, yeah…. I can’t deal with them as bridesmaids.
Post # 8
@MexiPino: oh yeah, I remember that total Thanksgiving nightmare now. Ugh!!!!
If it will make your FI happy, just invite her, in my opinion. No harm no foul. Send her a link to the dress with a deadline of when it needs to be purchased, and tell her when to show up for rehearsal/wedding day.
Don’t really need to have any other communication other than that?
If she doesn’t pay attention and doesn’t get the dress, or dilly dallys around, then it’s on her. You can at least tell your FI you tried and made an effort to include her.
Post # 9
@MexiPino: Here’s what I don’t understand. You said he said “It would be nice if you’d ask my sisters to be bridesmaids. They might not want to do it, but you could offer.”
Well, if he said that, I’m not sure why you would ask him how important it was to him that you ask. He already made the request, unless you guys were in the habit of discussing nonimportant things during the planning of your wedding, I’d guess that if he said it, it was important – but that’s me. I don’t have to ask a bunch of follow up questions. If my husband says something like that (as opposed to… how would you feel about a purple trash can), then I’m guessing that if it came out of his mouth, it was important so my NEXT words would be… let me call them and extend them an invite.
TO ME saying something like “how important to you is it that I ask” sounds like… “if you tell me it’s important, than I’ll ask, but otherwise, I really don’t want to” and men aren’t going to put up much of a fight about it because that’s just the way they are. His sisters may one day say… well, we weren’t even asked to be in the wedding and he’s going to say, well, I brought it up but she seemed like she wanted to go in another direction and guess where that leaves the relationship between you and his sister(s)?
My husband and I picked our wedding parties together and it was always FAMILY before friends because in real life? It’s FAMILY before friends.
Post # 10
I’m not that close to my FSIL and she’s quite the feminist. I suggested to FH having her on his side, but I wouldn’t really have felt comfortable having her on my side. We’ve gotten more comfortable around each ohter over the past year (basically she & FH were really close growing up & used to spend a lot of time hanging out at home, I was his first girlfriend and he bought a new place and we moved into it only 9 months after we’d been dating so I think that made things a bit awkward). I only have a couple of friends, feel socially awkward around those I’m not close to and I just wanted my two besties by my side on the big day. FH was fine with that (and chose not to having his sister on his side).
I wasn’t a bridesmaid for my sister-in-law either, she had four friends (didn’t have either of her two sisters either).
Post # 11
No I lucked out on this one!!! I’m marrying an only child! 🙂
Post # 12
HELL NO!!! haha she and I are not friends and barely even speak. She’s usually either too drunk or too busy being a complete selfish b***h!!!!! It’s such a long story, but my 1 and only, of course, FSIL has caused so much drama and problems in my FI’a family and I just cannot stand her. But, I am having FI’s 2 first cousins as bridesmaids. They’ve become really good friends of mine. I’m also having my 2 first cousins as bridesmaids too. I think it will make it a little more fun for the families to have both sides involved. Plus, they really are close with me.
Post # 13
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
I’m not having a bridal party at all. If I were, FSIL wouldn’t be on the list; I just don’t know her well enough!
But my brother’s wife is going to be my witness. It solves the problem of me having to choose between my two sisters. Plus she’s one of my best friends (he “stole” her, lol) and I was hers.
Post # 14
I guess I should be clear that she isn’t FI’s sister. She is recently married to his brother…which is another whole long story of its own lol. FI and I have been together 6 1/2 years, engaged for 1 yr…his brother got engaged to this “plague” as I call her 6 months after knowing her…not to mention it was his first girlfriend that he’d had in like 7 years. Errgghh I dont even like talking about it. But, I just want to be clear that it’s not his sister, but his odd brother’s wife.
Post # 15
My DH has two sisters, but I didn’t ask them to be in the wedding, because my DH has two daughters and a daughter-in-law, and I asked all three of them to be in my bridal party. We did ask one of DH’s sisters to sing at our wedding, however.
Post # 16
Nope. We’re not remotely close.