(Closed) Did you come up with your own Bail Date?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Kind of…my last relationship was almost 5 years and after it ended I told myself that I would not date anyone for much more than a year ever again.  My current SO knew that from the beginning (not the first date or anything, that would be weird! but within the first couple months).  I wanted him to know upfront that I am looking for marriage and babies sooner than later.  

Post # 4
Hostess
11174 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I did, twice. Christmas 2009 and Christmas 2010.

Thankfully I stuck it out, he proposed NYE weekend 2010/2011. I waited nearly six years for that proposal. I certainly wouldn’t recommend that every gal wait around that long. We had a plan in place and it took time.

Post # 5
Member
529 posts
Busy bee

I have a date but it isn’t a leave him date so much as it is a tell him that I can’t wait any longer without a timeline kind of thing. My date is actually the day after v-day. Waiting does suck especially the uncertainty and not being able to talk to your SO about it. If anything else in my life was causing me so much pain and anxiety I know my SO would be right there by my side helping me through it but this we have to do alone. Seems unfair.

Post # 6
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Yes. I told DH that if he didn’t propose in one year I wouldn’t be with him anymore. I told him I wanted to start mylife with someone and I wasn’t willing to wait longer than one year after that date. I was 24 and we both had just graduated college, and had good jobs. We had only been together for a year at that point. I didn’t want to be dating for the rest of my life so I told him my timeline.

I didn’t bring it up agian. I didn’t question any spending on his part, or what he was up to. There were many trips where he could have proposed where I was so disapointed nothing happened. I kept it together though 🙂 9 months after my talk we got engaged.

Post # 7
Member
1211 posts
Bumble bee

My date is our two year mark. Its not a bail date, but one where I would seriously start to question his motives in our relationship and need to have that discussion. I’m pretty sure it will happen before then as we have talked about it, but he seems to like dragging his feet, and that is the date I have decided we would need to re-evaluate.

Post # 8
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee

@fingerscrossed:  You know I’m right there with you. My date is Christmas but I really hope it’s sooner than then. I think you are being totally reasonable and your timeline is fair. Hopefully he will come through long before your deadline. Hang in there.

Post # 9
Member
364 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My first marriage talk with SO didn’t exactly go as I would have liked. When it ended I gave him 6 months (not that I told him this) to get serious about a future with me or I was walking. Three weeks later he agreed that he was in it long run. We promised each other the next 5 years together and either I get a proposal at the end or we part ways. Well he has since determined that he wants forever together not just the next 5 years but all I know is I’ll get my proposal sometime before that deadline. (Only 4 and a half years left to go.) But our 2 year anniversary is on the 28th so I’ll let myself dream a little.

Post # 10
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee

my time line in this comming 31st of august ..right after my birthday and 4 months after our 2yr …. yes it is a bail date of sorts. i told my SO that we would no longer be exclusive that we would date other people… we talked about it as soon he told me he wanted to be in a monogamous relationship …. so i’m on count down 

Post # 11
Member
1716 posts
Bumble bee

Yup, and he knows it. Before I turn thirty.

Post # 12
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I really wanted to be engaged by our 2 year anniversary, but it didn’t happen.  I had a long serious talk with him about how I couldn’t wait forever and I gave him until our 3 year anniversary in May. Fingers crossed!

Post # 13
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee

We’re currently just past our second anniversary and I only want to wait till our third anniversary. But I’m willing to give him an extra few months in case he wants to propose at Christmas, so my “bail date” is around 3.5 years. I don’t know what I’ll do at that point, as realistically I can’t afford to move out unless I have a much better job by then. I guess I’ll cross that bridge if / when I come to it!

Post # 14
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

I’ve made a promise to myself that I will have one last talk when our lease is up in February if I don’t feel things have changed at all…I don’t believe in ultimatums, and I’m not saying I’d break things off, but I told him how I feel, and told him with his uncertainties, and how insecure I feel, if we cannot start talking more openly about our future plans, I may need some space while he figures out what it is he wants.

Post # 15
Member
1417 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I will never leave my SO. I love him and want to be with him forever. Altho in my head I keep saying IF by our 6 year anniversary I am not engaged, I will prob. tell him I’m leaving and go from there. But I know he is planning to ask me sometime soon(2 weeks/2 months? I have no idea) I don’t want to tell him I’m leaving because I feel like that will hurt our relationship. We tell each other everything so he knows how I feel about it and when I want to be married by.

 

Post # 16
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I told my SO I am NOT tying William and Kate. He knows how I feel about marriage, we’ve had some arguments about it in the past. At 7 years in the next 2 weeks, he should be able to figure out his shit in the next year I think!

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