Did you ever ask a bridesmaid to step down? Why?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

yes my 16 year old niece she dyed her hair blue… blue with plum purple dress would clash so bad. plus i had a feeling she didnt really want to be there- she was a flower girl in my first wedding, no hard feelings bout it… my 17 year old niece turned down the offer of being a bridesmaid a week after i ask her. that relationship is good too… people can be ugly during the wedding plans and thats just what these types of events do people go crazy

Post # 4
Member
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

I have been severely tempted by one ‘zilla whom I have already discussed on here. However, as of now, she has not been dropped.

She was difficult and uncommunicative from the off, rejected every BM dress I suggested (I spent about 7? 8? months looking for BM dresses because of her… and I am paying for it all!), made a huge fuss when I finally picked a dress, tried to make me rearrange aspects of my wedding (the food, the alcohol) to suit her better, and complained to mutual friends about my inconvenient wedding location etc etc. She has also complained that I am forcing her into an inappropriate and revealing dress. The dress in question has capped sleeves and is slightly above tea length. In comparison, one of her suggested dresses had a low cut corset with a miniskirt made of what looked to me like crepe paper streamers. It was the sort of thing that you wear to camp at Glastonbury. Not that there’s anything wrong with that… but there’s a time and a place.

She has also tried to make me redo my table plan so that she can get the exact table she wants, refused to sit near pregnant women and children, made a fuss about transportation and then refused the lift I offered her with my father, complained that she can’t leave her pets overnight, moaned about the fact that I am inviting child guests, and tried to insist that she wear nude shoes when the rest of the wedding party are wearing navy blue shoes. When I finally bought some navy blue shoes for her, she just moaned and whined some more.

To be honest, I’m taking bets on whether or not she’ll show up at all. She refused to give me measurements for the bridesmaid’s dress, so I had to guess her size, and she isn’t even coming to try it on before the actual morning of the wedding. I’ll say this though… if she’s late, I’m not waiting around for her.

Post # 5
Member
2620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Rachel631:  would have dropped her like a hot potato… some people just are debbie downers .hopefully she doesnt ruin your day

Post # 6
Member
756 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I wanted to because she was really pissing me off. she was taking forever to order her dress which was holding up the others. when i would ask she said she was waiting to save the money even tho shes the richest one and the dress is only $110. finally i had my sister (MOH) ask what the hold up was and she said she wasnt ordering cause she was afraid her size was going to change and she thought i might change my date again. she could have told me the truth. anyway it really made me mad. i got over it tho. but now she might be dropping anyway cause she just found out shes having twins a few months before the wedding. she still hasnt ordered her dress so that would have to wait till after the birth. she already has a 2 yr old. so with a 2 yr old and 2 new borns shes going to be pretty nuts so i gave her the option to drop. she said she would let me know when its closer

Post # 7
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Unfortunately, yes.  I have a friend with a history of mental illness. She had one episode 9 years ago, it was horrible, and I helped her rebuild her life after she recovered from the episode.  Unfortunately, she had another episode 9 years later, about 6-7 months before my wedding. I won’t get into the details, but suffice it to say that she was hospitalized when we went BM dress shopping, and when we placed the order, I made the difficult decision of not ordering a dress for her.  I just did not know what her mental state would be on my wedding day.  I did not invite her to my shower, because she was in the process of getting herself back together after the episode.  I ended up inviting her to the wedding, after she specifically asked me whether she was invited. I extended the invitation under the condition that she would bring one of two friends of hers whom I trust.  Basically an adult sitter. Most of my family and friends strongly suggested that I should not invite her.  I’m happy I did, but it broke my heart because I know that she was very guilty and sad to not be in the wedding party. She feels like she let me down by not being there for me. I’ve been very clear that my #1 concern is her health, and I do not feel let down.  I’m just happy that she is alive and getting treatment.  

At the end of the day, you have to do what works for you.  Sometimes, it’s easier to just take the high road and choose to look beyond petty or unsupportive behavior.  Mentally unstable behavior, on the other hand, can be disastrous.

Post # 8
Member
324 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@Liss13:  I came very very close. Long story short: she’s been my best friend since 2nd or 3rd grade, and seemed excited when I asked her to be a BM, but for a few years it’s been like pulling teeth to get her to hang out with me or talk or anything. I’ve seen her twice inthe last 4+ years. Well, I brought it up to her finally, fully expecting to ask her to step down….we mostly worked it out, it seemed to be miscommnication and she said she really wants to hang out. I believe her, except a couple days I asked her to hang out and never got a reply, so I have NO idea wtf is going on!!! If it keeps up I’ll have to ask her to step down :/ hope to not have to go through that…

Post # 9
Member
1464 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Yes, she pretty much lied to me about being able to attend the wedding (said she could when in actuality could not afford the travel expenses), and said that none of the styles that were available for her dress would work for her. I let my bridesmaids pick their own gown from a dress line that we picked out together, and was paying for them, and she refused to give her input on any of it, other than none of the gowns would work for her.  The end, no discussion, no seeing if the designer would accommodate her demands.  Then she was pissed at me for dropping her, claimed that her husband and her decided to undergo IVF and wouldn’t be able to attend the wedding, then demanded that I send her an invite anyway so she could send a ‘nice gift’, because that’s what friends do.

 

Post # 10
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Rachel631:  Please tell me she’s out!!!! That seems unbearable

Post # 12
Member
8282 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I was just told by the bride that she’d ask me to step down if I happen to get pregnant (which I am not trying).  She doesn’t want anyone to be noticed more than her. So I guess people just have their reasons :-/

Post # 13
Member
1226 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

If I had more time and hadn’t already paid for the dress, my sister (a BM) would be out. I’ve got friends who are incredibly excited just to be attending and my sister has just complained the whole time, even though I’ve tried to make things as easy as possible and she hasn’t had to pay for a thing.

Post # 14
Member
1226 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Rachel631:  LOL at refusing to sit near pregnant women! Does she think pregnancy is contagious?

Post # 16
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013
Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors