Post # 1
My husband is in the army and has been on a 10 month long deployment. Finally hes coming back in the next few weeks…
This deployment was our first (and hopefully last – he might be getting out) and I tell you this has been the HARDEST thing Ive had ever gone through my entire life.
I just want to know if any of you who have gone through this sort of thing and also felt like i do … I mean Ive often felt VERY inadequate and very doubtful of myself. Over so many silly things like doubting his love for me and if he even misses me and I often felt very ugly and unworthy and stupid and that he will see it and not love me anymore.
It sounds so silly but its like I cant help it! Sometimes I wonder if hes ever reminissed about his ex’s and “what would have been” if he wasnt with me and then I feel even worse for thinking that! A couple of them are very pretty and very smart (one has a degree already while im sitll in school) and I guess it just really hurts my confidence in myself for some reason like if he wishes he could have had them instead of just plain old stupid me.
(they were the ones who broke up with him fyi)
I just dont know. Does anyone get what I mean or am I crazy???
I just cant wait unitl hes back again…I feel like when Im with him all this doubt is instantly gone and the world is good again.
(also we’ve been maried just under 2 years now)
Post # 3
my Fiance is not in the military but i understand what you mean! i worry heaps about whether he wishes he could have been able to date more women (he has only one ex, but he and I were each other’s ‘first time’ – both virgins when we had sex for the first time) i worry that he will miss his ex, that he will wonder what could have been.
don’t worry you’re not alone, just remember, you are the one he married, the one he loves, and in his heart he knows he couldn’t find anyone better because you are the one for him 🙂
Post # 4
(hugs) I don’t have a military situation, but Fiance and I are LDR and have been for years. I worry sometimes that he’s going to find someone local, or that his day-to-day contacts will take over for my role in his life, so I get some of what you’re saying.
But, all your feelings of inadequacy are unfounded. I’m sure he has given you no indication that those things are true, and if you hold on to them and believe that you’re not good enough, he’s going to see that. It will show through, and that in itself is unattractive. Show him what he was overseas fighting so hard for. Show him the confident, strong woman he married. Trust in his vows to you and his love for you. Like PP said, he picked you.
Post # 5
My fi and I are both veterans and when we were active duty one of us was always on deployment…your concerns are ungrounded but completely normal!! Stay strong and trust in the love you both have for each other!! (((hugs)))
Post # 6
When we were dating, Darling Husband deployed for 6 months. I was convinced he’d realize he didn’t want or need me aroud and would break up with me while he was gone or shortly after he got home. He ended up proposing two weeks after he got home, so you can see how accurate I was…
The second deployment we were married for and things were a lot better but I’d catch myself wondering why he didn’t call or email or whatever. Was he enjoying his time away from me?
So yeah, I think your feelings are definitely normal, but remember, he married YOU, not one of his ex-girlfriends. I hope the next few weeks fly by for you!
Post # 7
You guys are all so helpful!! Thank you for being so encouraging it really helps : ) <3
Post # 8
My Fiance isn’t deployed, but he’s doing basic training, and has been away for almost 4 months. We had been together for a year before he decided he wanted to join the army, and deciding to stay with him was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make.
A lot of the time I feel like he musn’t love me as mch as I love him, because he took up a career that will mean he has to be away from me, and I could never do that to him.
It’s hard being apart, but I love my Fiance, and I know he loves me, I just lose sight of that sometimes because I miss him and I don’t often get the chance to talk to him.
Not sure how helpful this post is, just wanted to reassure you that everyone feels like this sometimes
Post # 9
I feel ya girl!!! My SO was deployed for 7 months and it was so difficult. He also has some GORGEOUS ex’s, like easily could be models, have perfect bodies, etc. I found myself facebook stalking his exes while he was gone and would start crying because I didnt have a flat stomach or perfect hair or know how to put on makeup like a celebrity. It really ate me up. Once his mother told me “they were all just arm candy, but he’s learned that its the inside that matters…” I know she meant well, but that actually made it worse!! I felt like she was agreeing that they were prettier than me. I tried talking to him about it while he was deployed, but communication is so difficult while their overseas and e-mails and IMs dont cut it. I was also really worried when he got home that he wouldn’t find me attractive. I tried crash diets to lose weight while he was gone (all unsuccessfully) and stressed over the perfect homecoming outfit. It was awful!!!
I don’t know if it helps much since it is your first deployment, but I will say that for me the look on his face when he saw me for the first time when he got home made it all worth it. All those feelings and insecurities just melted away as he ran to me and held me in the tightest hug ever. It really was the best moment of my life and the feeling I had when I saw him for the first time was all the reassurance I needed that he was “the one” and we were meant to be together. This will be one of the hardest, if not THE hardest thing you both will ever go through.
Just remember, your love is deployment strong! If you ever need any reassurance or just need to vent about the struggles with the military, I’m here for you!! I know how hard it is and thats why we have to stick together.
Post # 10
I was worried the last week before he returned. I worried that during our time apart he might forget the “real” side of me. I worried I might not be as pretty or funny or as supportive as he thought I was while he was deployed. The thing was.. the moment I saw him walk in, I went weak, the minute they were dismissed, tears ran and I knew.. I knew.. it had changed it was better. We had gotten through months apart and I still loved him more and he still loved me
Post # 11
Tons of times! My Fiance hasn’t been deployed but his tech. school kept us seperated for 6 months. I couldn’t sleep while he was away and having nothing to do all night only gave me time to worry. I doubted myself a lot and often feared him coming home and worried he would see what an unworthy person I am. Good news is that it was my mind playing tricks and none of it was true. You’re not alone with the insecruities or concerns that come with having a absient man! Stay strong!
Post # 12
I cannot tell you how relieved I am to read this post. My partner has been deployed in Afganistan for 3 months and is due back in 25 days for r&r. I have been driving myself mad with insecurities, I am usually such a confident person so this is very new to me. All of a sudden I feel insecure as to why he does not ring me, wondering if he is avoiding calling me? Feel like I have been a terrible girlfriend, literally waiting for him to come home a leave me……..it has been a terrible few months of anxiety I am so glad to hear I am not alone! Why is this happening to me!
Post # 12
AmyR21: Hey just wanted to say I really related to yours and wanted to see how you guys are doing now I feel the exact same way you did like why would he pick a career to leave me I would never do that