Post # 1
I am having a little trouble at the moment with the fact that I made my sister a BM, My FSIL is my maid of honour which was my choice as we are quite close and my mum got upset that I did not want my sister if I was having FSIL and I ended up caving.
That in itself is hard for me to swallow I am very much vocal in not allowing someone to dictate to you that your family must come first but yet I went back on it myself. My sister and I are not very close, she infuriates me and she has not shown any interest in the wedding at all only to demand that she is in the bridal party, actually part of that is not true she has made a real effort to pay for the cruise we are going on (destination wedding) despite not having much money an for that I am very greatful, however besides that she is not the nicest person to me mostly.
I advised my FI of my conserns and he said that he is glad she is in the bridal party and thinks its good we are having all our siblings. I am not really asking for comments on my situation was just giving some background to it my real question is clear in the title , have you ever felt obligated to have someone.
Thank you 🙂
Post # 3
@MissAtoMrsV2014: When I got engaged (even before) I knew wanted my brother and SIL in the wedding party. After we got engaged, my mom told me I *had* to have them in the wedding party, which actually made me want to *NOT* have them in it lol. It was the child in me that hates being told what to do. lol
Post # 4
Yes. I’ve been forced to have my bipolar sister who bullied me my whole life and has never shown me any respect, as my Maid Of Honour. Not just a bridesmaid, but MOH. Because she would be hurt if she wasn’t. Because she’s my sister and that’s the roll of the sister, and in my mom’s eyes if I chose someone else, I’d be ruining the chance of my sister and I ever being better friends. Never mind that I have friends I’d love to give that title to.
I could rant about this for a while. There’s a very real chance my sister will end up ruining my wedding day because she doesn’t like things to be about someone other then her, and it’s actually terrifying to me.
Post # 5
@memo: Haha the last line you wrote made me laugh haha I guess I feel that way to.
@DelilahDiamond: 🙁 I really hope she doesnt ruin your day, my stance is your sister is your sister not your friend, just because you are related does not mean they mean more to you then your real friends.
Post # 6
Not obligated, but I chose to. I’ll have my sister as a BM and I asked FI to have my brother as a GM. He has a sister, but they don’t have the most stable relationship. I told FI that if he wants her to be in it that I’d be happy to make her a BM, but that it’s up to him. Right now, he has her as ring bearer bearer, carrying our cat down the aisle.
Post # 7
My mom felt like I should have my much older-than-me older sister as a BM (I say much older in the respect that to me, we have an aunt/niece relationship as opposed to sister/sister), but in the end I just listed her as my personal attendent in the wedding program, even though she didn’t do much attending! But I had her two kids in my wedding, and I don’t think that she expected to be a BM, it was more my mom thinking that she should be.
Post # 8
All my BM’s were obligatory family… My sis (I would have had her anyways I guess…), his sis, my cousin and his two cousins… Lovely girls all of them… but none of them ever stepped up to the plate in terms of actually helping me. I could barely even contact my sister in the days leading up to the wedding… I wouldnt have chosen a single one of them had they not been family.
It was pretty much just assumed: “oh!!! you guys are engaged! I’m so excited to be a BM!! *squeeee*!!”, and I never had the energy to say anything about it, and even if I had… well I only really had one person I would have asked (who I couldnt ask because I had way too many BM’s as it was… 🙁 )
Post # 9
My younger sister was never, ever going to be at my wedding at all. My older sister is my MOH for a variety of reasons, and my FSiL is a BM, not because I felt obligated, because there was literally no one else I wanted to front my bridal party but those girls. If you aren’t close to your sister/cousin/FSiL, don’t put them in your party. I never felt obligated, and neither should you. Best of luck, lovely!
Post # 10
I have no siblings, and we are only have one person each stand for us.
Initially, FI wanted his son as his best man. I was not keen on the idea at all for a couple of reasons: a) his son contantly lies to him, and so I feel he is unreliable (he has since gone on to prove just how unreliable he is, but that’s another rant) and b) i would feel obligated to include his daughter, therefore increasing the size of our wedding party (because she was studying abroad, is only 20, and I certainly couldn’t ask her to take on MOH duties all by herself).
So, while of course I didn’t tell my FI his son could not be his best man, I did suggest that he didn’t have to make a decision for quite a while (he asked his BM in June, less than 3 months before the wedding). Like I said, his son has become increasingly unreliable and evasive, so he sort of made the decision for us. I would frankly be surprised if he even shows up to the wedding.
Post # 11
Not really. My FSIL is my matron of honor, while my 3 stepsisters aren’t in my wedding at all. I do get the impression that they wonder why my FI’s sister is in it and they arent, but we arent super close and I’m not just adding them in for the sake of including them.
Post # 12
@MissAtoMrsV2014: Nope, the people who are closest to me will be in the wedding party. That’s not necessarily family.
Post # 13
@MissAtoMrsV2014: NO ONE in my family was part of my bridal party. My sister was supposed to be my MOH but she decided that she wanted to start to be difficult and give unwanted opinions, so I put her out.
My BFF who was a BM (along with my husband’s sisters) stepped in as MOH and I never replaced my sister. I can’t say this enough. It’s YOUR wedding day, you do with it what you want to and have standing for you who YOU want to. If opinions aren’t asked for, then tell them you don’t need them.
Post # 14
@DelilahDiamond: I feel like I just wrote that post. My sister is exactly how you just described yours. I stay up at night stressing about her ways and how awful she may make my day.
We went to buy bridesmaids dresses, she knew for a MONTH…$150. She didn’t buy it because “she didn’t have money”…..she had a month of notice that we were going!
Anyttime the wedding is mentioned it has been all about her. “I want a flower my hair.” “I want to be the only one with my hair down.” “I want a different dress.” “People need to know I’m special and the maid of honor.” I cannot make this shit up. I jokingly said “Are you getting married or am I!?”
She also complained that I was taking up her day when going to look at wedding dresses (for the first time) barely driving 15 mins after her complaining non stop I finally say “can you stop being a bitch? You’re making me really anxious.” She asked to be brought home. So I did. Ruined my whole day.
Last week she dropped out of my wedding saying she doesn’t want to deal with bridezilla and the stress a wedding brings.
Ladies and gentlemen, my one and only sister/sibling!
As much as I felt obligated to have her in my wedding, I’m really hurt that she could do that to me. I have been really easy going about the wedding and the farthest thing from bridezilla. Hair? Whatever you want. Dress? Whatever you guys like as long as it’s the same color (they did end up agreeing on the same dress though). Shoes? Pick ’em. Bridal shower? Wherever. So I’m not really sure how she could turn around and say she doesn’t want to deal with the “stress” of her only sisters wedding.
She’s only 20 so I don’t know if that’s a reason why she’s so selfish. But I have desire to have her I my wedding anymore even if she comes crawling back. She’s not dependable and makes everything about her. I just need people who will help me remain calm on my big day, not add more stress.
Post # 15
@BLynn: wow it’s probably a good thing then that she isn’t in your wedding anymore she sounds selfish… Can I just ask everyone what a bridal shower is haha , i see everyone on here write about it and I have never heard of anyone where I am from having one and then a friend asked me if she could throw me one ?
Post # 16
@BLynn: Our sisters sound like they could be best friends.
My sister really doesn’t like it when things aren’t about her. She has made it very clear in her actions on my birthdays, graduation celebrations, and other life achievements that when I’m successful, she feels bad and then needs to make everyone else feel bad about not paying attention to her.
She’s like that kid who gets a birthday gift on someone else’s birthday you know?
My sister’s older then I am, but she never grew out of that selfish phase. I really thought being excited about her only sister’s wedding would make her change at least while helping me plan it, but instead it’s all about her and her choices.
I’ve gotten pretty good at standing my ground and letting her flip out and then making her do what I want her to do anyways. I just let her pout in the corner. She hates my bridesmaid dress choice, I told her too bad. I bought the dress, and said if she wanted to be in the party, that’s the dress she’s wearing (it’s not bad, it’s a super cute purple dress that the rest of my girls love, she just hates it because she’s being as difficult as possible). She wants to stand out (I don’t want her to, because she really hasn’t done anything as a MOH). We’re having our mom’s sign our liscence because we were both raised by single moms an we think it’s a nice way to incoorpoorate them- she freaked out about that, but again we’re standing our ground.
Anyways, enough thread jacking about awful sister