Did you feel pressure to meet a spouse in college?

posted 4 years ago in 20 Something
  • poll: Did you feel pressure to meet a spouse in college? (regardless of whether you did or not)
    Yes, I felt like college was my best shot to meet my future spouse : (22 votes)
    11 %
    Yes, but I didn't let the pressure get to me or affect my choices : (28 votes)
    14 %
    Maybe a little pressure, but it wasn't a big deal : (13 votes)
    6 %
    No, I didn't really feel any pressure : (133 votes)
    64 %
    Other (please share) : (11 votes)
    5 %
  • Member
    6442 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I honestly never did feel that pressure. Even though I’m in the technical south, where people statistically get engaged younger, I didn’t have that many (or any) friends get engaged before we graduated. Between that and being completely depressed my first two years and dating someone long distance that I knew wouldn’t work out, I didn’t really feel the pressure from myself or anyone else. I actually did meet Mr. KM in college at work, but we were both dating other people and we didn’t start dating til after I graduated and stayed in the same town.

    940 posts
    Busy bee

    No pressure here…AT ALL! But I went to UCLA which is probably a bit different than a religious school or a school in the South? None of my friends got engaged during college.  The biggest years for weddings were 26-28.  I just got engaged now at 29.  We pretty much all settled career first.

    I had a boyfriend my senior year and we ended up staying together for nearly 5 years after college and then we just grew apart (are still friends).  You will change SO MUCH during your 20s.  Sure, you can do this with someone else (ie husband) but for some it is helpful to figure yourself out first.  I would not change at all how it happened for me.

    I’m sure part of the pressure you’re feeling is combined with graduating and maybe not knowing where to go next?  I totally went through the whole quarter-life crisis thing in my early 20s and had no idea what career to pick but it worked itself out.  

    909 posts
    Busy bee

    Yes, but I put it on myself.  So many of my friends found their now husbands in university, and/or were in long term committed relationships that appeared to be nearly marriage as we left university.  It was really disapointing at the time not to find ‘the one’ as most of my friends and I had always imagined finding our spouse at school.

    6636 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • FMM
    • 4 years ago

    Not at all!

    But at the same time I was surprised when you said there were so many engagements in your senior year. That just doesn’t happen here in Ontario Canada (that is considered to be young).

    I actually don’t know anyone who got engaged that early.

    I did meet my FI while I was in University but we didn’t get engaged until now being together for 6 years and we are now almost 27!

    7829 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I met my hubby during my first year of college, but I didn’t meet him at our college, so I never went through college thinking I needed to meet a potential spouse because I already had a great guy.

    1509 posts
    Bumble bee

    I started dating my (now) fiance in my senior year of high school, so there was no pressure here!  I had already found him! 

    6442 posts
    Bee Keeper

    … this isn’t a stereotype, but the sorority girls tended to get engaged/ married more than GDIs at my school and a couple of other schools where my friends went. I just thought about that when you said you were a member of an “organization” where alot of girls did.

    626 posts
    Busy bee

    I personally didn’t feel any pressure. But I did meet my fi in college. A lot of my friends now talk about how much easier it was in college to meet people and how hard it is now.

    1050 posts
    Bumble bee

    I was already with my fiance at that time…but I don’t think I would feel pressure otherwise.

    17 posts

    I did feel some pressure. There was a huge wave of engagements + people hooking up with one another all of a sudden during senior year. I think college is a good shot to meet your FI just because in general college is a good time to meet new people. You’re on campus, in classes, school events, going out with friends, etc.

    Still, I don’t think the pressure should be so much that you settle or affect your choices in any way. Obviously people meet other people after college; it was just harder for me to realize that back then! And I actually ended up meeting my FI in grad school!

    2223 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I didn’t.  I went to school in MA, and everyone always told me that “college is for having fun” or “finding yourself.”  My mom actually advised AGAINST getting in a serious relationship in college, and I’m glad she did.  I dated casually in college (some more serious than others), but never was in a relationship.  I travelled a lot, studied abroad, and moved away after school.  I can’t imagine doing all of those things in college in a serious relationship.  I’m in a serious relationship now in law school and the stress of both of us having to agree on where to live after graduation, finding a job in the same place, and all that is ridiculous.  I have a problem with always having to live up to people’s expectations of me, so if my parents or family were in any way pressuring me to find a spouse in college, I would have tried to and probably would have drove myself crazy!

    2267 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Definitely not.  Getting engaged at my small, northern, highly selective liberal arts college is not common.  I think me and FI are the only two engaged in the entire school!  Most people actually frown upon getting engaged at this age or ‘settling down’with someone so early, especially when it might come at the cost of your academic career or ‘self-discovery’.  At other schools in the region, with slightly different cultures than my school’s own, it is still frowned upon because so many people are still coddled by their parents at this age: it’s like they really haven’t lived at all because mommy and daddy have written out several-thousand dollar checks for them to party for four years straight. No one’s ready for marriage after four years of that!  We’re senior-aged now and only two couples from both of our high schools combined are actually engaged.  No one is married yet (both couples are marrying this year).  But FI and I have pretty unusual backgrounds/circumstances and everything just fell into place for us.

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