Weddingbee boards

I caught a lot of flack for not asking my only sister to be in the wedding. However

1)we just do not have a good relationship

2)she has never been supportive of my relationship with FI

3)she never mentioned ONE SINGLE WORD about the engagement besides "yeah, Mom told me"

4)she is an attention hog which I've ignored our entire lives because I don't care, but this is the one day where the limelight is mine

It just seems like there are so many posts about sisters who are being difficult or not living up to their role or are just not being supportive....yet there's usually a statement about how they've never gotten along.

So my question to you is :) Did you feel that you had to include a difficult sibling? 

Me fi and I decided to have 2 people each in our wedding party. This was a no brainer. I asked my two sisters however, I am not chosing a MOH. Instead, everyone in our wedding party will be "best people." My FI can't decide on a best man and hate to point one person out so this works with us. Fi decided to have 1 additional person. I then asked his sister because I felt like I should. Also, all of my friends are still in college and completely broke so it wasn't fair to ask them.

I'm not really close with my sister (7 years apart) and didn't originally make her a BM but my mum kept making little comments and so I caved in. So now my MOH is my best friend and my sister is a BM. I didn't include FI's sister though (long story short- she is not someone I can trust with anything). We've got an uneven wedding party though now because I've asked my sister to be a BM (I always envisioned an even wedding party)... ohwell. Better this than my mum being forever snarky.

I'm not having either of my sisters as bridesmaids for several reasons.

(1) They hate being bridesmaids and have complained about spending money on dresses, showers, bachelorette parties, etc, on multiple occasions, (2) my sister who is already married didn't have us as bridesmaids (I sang, and other sister read a verse), and (3) if I had them, I'd have 7 attendants.  

I love my sisters dearly, and they will both be doing readings in the wedding, but knowing how much they hate the bridesmaid stuff, I'd rather them just sit back and enjoy themselves.  I'm planning on hiring a babysitter for my niece the night of the wedding so my sister and BIL can have a great time without the stress of wedding party stuff.

Interesting reading everyone's take!

For the record; I don't "hate" my sister, but at the same time, I absolutely don't believe that blood = close. It's unfortunate, and I'm always downed when I'm reading about friends, etc who are super close to their sis. But there's just sooooo much water under that bridge. So many things that she's done to me in these 31 years that I'm like, ugh. No more. You're my sis and will always be and I will always love you...but I don't have to allow you to mistreat me. So, while my parents/siblings wouldn't dream of pressuring me (they know the scoop), extended family has had tons to say. To which I respond...you did things your way, I'll do things mine.

And, to show the 36 year old maturity level...she sent a text to everyone that she's "not coming to the wedding since she wasn't included". Bleh. So my sister, and 4 nieces and nephews are going to be absent because things didn't go her way. I'm kind of over it but very intrigued by those who kind of step into the drama but then seem all exasperated by it.

I'm with you, Ms. Charisma! You basically just described my relationship with my sister, to a T.

My sister and I arent super close and have very different personalities (which often clash), so I had originally planned on just asking her to do a reading for the ceremony or something, but after a lot of consideration decided that there were more reasons I should involve her as a bridesmaid than reasons not to - I'm pretty sure that I am not naming a maid of honor (it would just be too hard to choose & I think would hurt some feelings). 

I def. understand the pressure (my other bms were shocked by my original plans and by the fact that my sister wasnt automatically MOH), but I think that only you really know what is right for you/your relationships. My sister is very dependable and doesnt crave attention so it is fairly risk-free in that respect for me, we just tend to have different perspectives (ie - I think she can be kinda critical and judgmental, but she thinks I'm a little sensitive or that I read into the tone or voice or phrasing she uses, but we've both been working on it). The point is, I can really relate to reasons 1 & 2 that you list in your post, but reasons 3 & 4 would really bother me... if I were you, I would probably ask her to greet people at the guestbook or something other than be in the bridal party, but just make sure you are ready to deal with other people's comments about "why arent you including your sister?"

I felt obligated to ask my sister and I have regretted it ever since.

My only sister is 15 years younger than me (13 at the time of the wedding), so no, I didn't feel obligated to ask her to be a bridesmaid. I asked her to do a reading instead.

See, @MaggieGirl - So not worth it

I'm glad I found this thread.  I have asked my (only) sis to be MH because she is my "sister".  We were very close when we were young but going through the teen years, we are not close at all.  We are polar opposites.  About one month ago, we got into a bit of argument and have not spoken since.  I still feel like if she is not going to be my MH, then no one will.  I decided not to have any MH and/or BM.  My closest friends are supporting my decision and will be there for me.  

This makes me really sad.  Our mom passed away when I was 9 and dad passed away recently.  This joyful time & planning process nothing but getting me (physically) sick.