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The biggest shock on the day my FI proposed wasnt the proposal but the fact that he asked my dad first! We got engaged in Puerto Rico so he asked my dad before we left. He made up something about wanting to talk to my dad about getting a job with him so I was none the wiser. both my FI and dad say the conversations went like this
DH "You know me and Allie are going to Puerto Rico and while I am there I plan on asking her to marry me, and I don't want to do that without your blessing"
My dad goes "You didn't need to ask for my blessing you've always had it, I can't picture my daughter with anyone more percect"
I just cried after i heard that i was so happy to have support on both sides
Did you Fi ask you your dad?
DH asked my Dad and my mom. He snuck out of work early to go to their office and ask them. He told them he hadnt told anyone so he would like to keep it a secret until it happened-my dad looked at my mom who was crying and said-YOU BETTER NOT RUIN THIS! that part makes me laugh.
What i think it the cutest part-is my parents have known him for year and they said they have never seen him so nervous. i think that is adorable!
i love stuff like this.
Aww that's so sweet :)
Yep, FI asked my dad! They actually plotted the whole proposal together so it would be at dinner with all of my close family there. I couldn't believe they kept the secret from me! But I am glad he had my dad's approval, even though I was pretty sure he didn't need to ask because my whole family just loves FI.
Such an adorable story :) and yes FI asked my dad before... he knew it was really important to me and I knew my dad would appreciate the respect.
:)
We got engaged in Las Vegas, and the night before we left for the trip, SO insisted on going out to the mall to get a garment bag for our dressy clothes. It took him way longer than it should have, and he hates malls, so I should have been suspicious.
It turns out that his real motive for going out that night was to swing by my parents house and ask for their blessing when he proposed a couple of days later and show them the ring.
My DH asked my dad while we were there for xmas one year! He showed him the ring and everything.
I told him in no uncertain terms that if he asked my dad that I would say "no". I said if he had to ask anyone he should ask my Grandma (who gave me her ring) but really he should just ask me.
Wow, surprising how many bees have said "yes" to this! Glad to see this tradition is alive and well. Very sweet.
Nope. Didn't even cross either of our minds. Why would I need my dad's permission/blessing? He doesn't own me. I'm a big girl, I can make my own decision regardless of what my dad thinks.
We aren't engaged yet but he said that when the time comes he doesn't want to do it without talking to my mom and dad first (:
I don't have a father to ask, but he also didn't "consult" anyone in my family. We talked about marriage together, and I actually proposed to him. After we got engaged, we told both of our families and made sure they were accepting and happy about it before we went public. It's not that if either had been upset/said no we would have listened, but we definitely wanted everyone to be happy and understand why we were getting engaged.
No and I would have been upset if he had. We had discussed before but it went something like this . . .
Me - "you know if I ever found out you did that I would just say no"
FI - "yeah why would I do that"
he asked my parents. he was more afraid to ask them then he was to ask me lol
We custom made my engagement ring from two of my grandmother's ring, so we all (FI, me, and my parents) were aware than an "offical" engagement was coming. My FI didn't ask for permission or ask my dad for my hand, but he did call them the morning he proposed to tell then he was going to ask.
Yes, he did! I was shocked that he had done it. Neither my dad or fiancee ever talk about emotions so I would have LOVED to hear how that conversation went! :)
Yes he asked my dad, I think its so sweet! Hes the son my dad never had... he has 3 girls!
@Kant: Its not about getting their "permission", bc had my dad said he wasn't ok with it I would have gotten engaged regardless.. I was asking to see if the tradition is still holding up or not. I am also a big girl who makes her own decisions, I just thought it was sweet for him to make sure our families were on board
He asked both my parents, right in front of me, and I had no idea. I remember my dad saying something about welcome to the family or something like that but I was really not paying attention LOL And he didn't say "hey, may I have your blessing to marry your daughter?", it was more a general conversation about us marrying in the future.
No... we've been living together for 4 years, dating for 7 and were planning the wedding for about a month before the engagement. Asking my dad felt silly.
I'm glad that so many of you are happy with the way your FI proposed (either did or did not involve parents).
For me, asking my dad would be involving an outside party who doesn't have any say in our adult lives, I would have actually felt intruded on in a way. My "dad" is also my stepdad who my mom married 15 years ago. Maybe it would be different if I were close with my bio-dad but I haven't seen him in 10 years so that would be ever weirder.
For us, the perfect thing was to have it be a private and personal proposal.
My FI asked my dad - not for his permission, but for his blessing. Of course our fathers/mothers don't own us, but some families see it as respectful to get the parents' blessing. I can see the preference for both ways (asking and not asking).
FI and I have been together for over 4.5 years, so it wasn't a huge shock that we were getting engaged, but my dad appreciated the gesture and was happy to be asked for his blessing. I thought it was sweet when I found out that FI took my dad out for a beer to ask him!
@Lexy: I agree with the "intrusion" sentiment. Also I would hate to think that other people knew he was going to propose before me. That just seems wrong. ETA - I started thinking about this part and I probably would have been okay with him telling his friends/family before the proposal (which he didn't) but I wanted to be the one to tell my family.
But, I am glad that so many bees were able to get the kind of proposal they wanted, parental involvement or not.
Nope, I was almost 30 at the time and we'd been living together 2 years. Sure, it's a sweet gesture, but we're both very grown adults and already living our lives as completely independent people. I'm pretty sure my parents would've been surprised to have been asked anyway. At the end of the day, my parents love him a lot, and he asked me and I said yes and that's all that matters.
FI asked my dad about three and a half months before he asked me. We were in Ohio visiting them, and he knew it would be the last time he'd see them before he popped the question, so he had to do it then. Depending on which one you talk to, you get a very different story of how it happened.
Here's my FI's story: "On the last day there, I carefully planned a time when I would be alone with your dad so I could ask him. When he asked if I wanted to ride with him in his Benz to the fair, I knew that it would be the perfect time. He asked if I wanted to drive, and of course I did because it was a Benz! So I had to pay attention to the road and not as much on the conversation, like I wanted. But your dad and I talked about music and cars, and it went well. Finally, I craftily steered the conversation toward our relationship, and I told him how much I loved you and how much you meant to me. Then I asked for his permission to marry you. He said yes. After that, there wasn't much left to say, so we were pretty quiet until we reached the fair a few minutes later."
...And my dad's version (you won't read it correctly unless you imagine a really smug smile on his face while he's telling it): "I knew your FI probably needed to talk to me since we wouldn't see each other again for a while, but by the last day, he still hadn't, so I decided to throw him a bone. I invited him to ride with me on the way to the fair because I knew he wouldn't turn down a chance to drive my car, and it would give us a good chance to talk. Crafty, eh? He never suspected that I organized the whole thing. Anyway, FI drove, but he was mostly quiet the whole time. I could tell he was really nervous because he kept laughing, and every time he did talk, it was really fast. Man, hejusttalkedlikethisnonstopforacoupleminutesatatimeandthengotquietagain. Let me tell you this, when I asked your mom's dad for her hand, I was a lot smoother. Anyway, I could see the thoughts going through his head with no problem: "Oh shit, oh shit, it's got to be now, oh shit!" But he was nervous and couldn't. I didn't say anything; I just let him enjoy the Benz. Anyway, we finally saw the turn-off for the fair, and that's when he realized that he was out of time. So, suddenly, with no warning, he just blurted out, "HeyIreallyloveyourdaughterandcanIhaveyourpermissiontomarryherplease, Sir?" So I told him that it was your decision, and he didn't really have to ask, but that I was glad he did. I told him welcome to the family. Then, since he waited until the last possible second, we were already there, so he ran out of the car with his tail between his legs and avoided looking at me the rest of the day. He's wonderful for you, honey, but he wasn't smooth at ALL when he asked."
Makes me giggle every time.
Like some others have said my fiancee asked my Mom and my Dad (which I was very happy about - my Mom is just as important as my Dad!) for their blessing (not their permission). I know it meant a lot ot my parents, not because they expected to be able to make any decisions for me, but because they were so excited to be able to share in this wonderful time in our lives with us. And it was all just a formality done for mushy, feel-good reasons anyways - my fiancee knew my parents would give us their blessing a million times over, they adore him!
My parents had made it known over the 2½ years we had been together that they like him and approve of us, despite the age gap.
Maybe if I were younger, or living at home; or had lived at home in the past decade, or were financially tied to my parents.
But like several of the PP's I would not have taken well to hearing that he had consulted with my father first regarding my hand in marriage.
In my (opinionated) opinion: I am not my father's nor my family's property to be bought & sold, given away, or veiled.
My FI asked both my parents for their blessing - and apparently he asked them so far in advance that after a few weeks they thought he'd changed his mind! :P
FI was so cute when he did this. We went to visit, and he knew it was important to me. Unlike some of yall, we are younger, I still consider my parents house home because I live in a sad little rental that won't be home and it was important to me that he ask my parents blessing. He got up early one morning to talk to my dad, and my dad started talking about his tomatoes. He grows like 20 different types and enjoys it a lot, but I think he knew what was coming and was stalling. I'm the baby and it was really hard for them! I was glad he did it.
Nope! We got married a l-o-n-g time ago. It just wasn't done then. I think it's very interesting that it seems to have "come around again".
Haha...yes, my FI did ask my parents. Although I didn't ask him to, FI is pretty traditional so I always kind of expected that he would whether I wanted it or not. My dad's response was the best part, though. "You didn't have to ask permission! You're a good s***." And then beer was had by all to celebrate. I laughed so hard when FI told me this story later on...because it really is exactly what my dad would say.
All my life my Dad has always told me that when I get married, he will pay for a wedding only if my husband talks to him first. Now, I'm not engaged yet, but my SO has been told this by my brothers and knows darn well that my Dad expects it to happen. Personally, it wouldn't matter to me either way if he did or not, but because of my Dad's conditions of paying for a wedding, my SO is planning on talking to my Dad first.
FI asked my whole family (mom, dad and sister) for their blessing. When I asked him why afterwards he said "because I'm joining your family, and they'll be my family too, and I wanted them to know their opinion and blessing matters to me".
My mom cried, my dad cried....then they both threatened my sister with her life if she told me :P
Yes.
I swore I would hate this, that it was sexist/old-fashioned etc, but I feel totally differently now. Like others have said, he didn't ask for permission; in fact, he didn't really ask for their blessing as such, more just told them he was planning on proposing. He spoke to both my parents, as he said he felt it sexist to only ask the dad. The main reason he did it was tradition: he actually spent time researching proposal and was told he should get the parents blessing, so he did.
I thought I'd be gutted that I didn't 'know' first; but I wasn't. We had spent a long time discussing marriage, both together and with our families, and I knew a proposal would be on the cards in the very near future, so him telling my parents first actually didn't bother me. I found it very sweet that he'd put effort into researching everything, and my parents were really chuffed; I'm very close to my parents, so this makes me happy :-)
If you think that's bad, my mum said that when he said he wanted to talk to them, she thought he was breaking up with me; charming! lol
My FI did when I was at school. I guess he was really nervous, but he just asked me dad if he could get his blessing to marry me, and my father said he would be honored. I didn't picture it at all! My FI is a shy guy and gets really ackward in situations like that. So I am really surprised he did!
No way! I hate this tradition. I can see how people think it's sweet, but I just can't get over how arcaic it is. The only permission he needs is mine! We did go to my parents after we got engaged and asked them for their blessing on our up coming marriage however we also asked his parents the same thing. At the wedding it will be similar, where both parents give their blessing to our marriage opposed to "who gives this woman to this man?".
I'm the kind of person that gets hung up on these kinds of things though...
My husband asked my father. He knew it was important to me. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall during that conversation though! Aparently my dad drilled him about his finances and how he was going to "take care of me". lol
@allieluvs21: Thats lovely!
My FI took my dad to a bar and brought him a beer when he asked permission. He said I guess you know why I brought you here, my dad said the same reason I took my girlfriends father to a bar 30 years ago.
FI is very traditional and knew it was important to me and both my parents were so stoked. He told me he would never tell his own parents when he was going to propose as I am close to his mum and she would tell me but he ended up proposing in front of my parents and his and they had both known for weeks! Cheeky bugger got me good, couldn't have been more of a surprise!
We're not officially engaged yet but I know definitely SO will not as my father and I are estranged so it would a) be weird that he figured out how to even contact my father b) actually probably be insulting to me.
Now as for my mum, well I think both of us are more interested in surprising the poop out of her by showing up at her door with a ring on my finger! He hasn't told his parents either, that will be a fun surprise as well.
I'm sure I've said this before but HELL NO. I would downright refuse to marry any man who asked my dad's permission (or anybody for that matter). To me it's one of the most insulting things he could possibly do.
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