Post # 1
We don’t have any inner envelopes so we were very specific on the envelopes we do have. I’m not worried about kids because we invited everyone’s kids anyway, but I am worried about plus ones. We did invite people with their SOs by name but we did not give out plus ones for people to bring a random guest. I wasn’t worried about people writing down ‘2’ when we had only invited one person, however, last night Future Father-In-Law mentioned that his family is known for adding guests to their RSVP cards.
I wish I had known this earlier- I would have rethough doing inner envelopes (at least for his side) to prevent this. However, we haven’t designed the RSVP cards yet. Should I indicate “___ seats have been reserved in your honor” or “___ of ____ can attend (or some variation of can attend)? It wouldn’t be too much extra work to do this since I’m planning on putting a number on the back of each just in case I can’t read someone’s writing.
Did any of you bees actually have problems with someone assuming that a plus one was invited? Should I just leave the RSVP as is (____ attending) or should I change it to one the examples I gave previously.
Post # 3
I’m thinking of doing “— seats have been reserved in your honor” has anyone else done this?
Post # 4
We addressed the outside envelope to the people invited and no one added guests that weren’t invited. However, I think some other Bees have had different experiences.
Post # 5
@celticbride: I’ve seen a few other bees complain about it but I’m curious if it’s common or not. Thanks! Good to know you didn’t have extra people added!
Post # 6
I think if FIs family are known for adding people, you need to make it clear somehow.
In our case, we’re giving our guests 4 different menu choices, as well as 5 different drink choices, and our venue needs these numbers prior to the day. So, we plan on including the options on the RSVP cards, and asking each person to select their option. We hope that if a) the envelope is addressed to x/x and y by name and b) there is just one set of options to tick, it will be totally clear that the invitation is only for those named on the envelope.
Post # 7
I’d do the “# of seats reserved in your honor” thing.
Post # 8
I kind of feel that as many of those complaints as I’ve seen about people adding random guests of their own, it should become the standard to to the “X number of seats have been reserved in your honor” thing.
Or, heck, people are really freaking dense now about etiquette. Maybe there should be a checklist on each RSVP card with the exact names of the people actually invited and spots to mark yes or no.
Post # 9
We’re not doing inner envelopes either and I think we will be doing the # of seats reserved in your honor bit….
Also, if someone DOES RSVP with an added plus 1, call them up and tell them NO.
Post # 10
We didn’t have any inner envelopes, either, and we only had one instance of guests being added. We invited a couple who are friends with FI’s family, and we gave their son (a childhood friend of FI) a separate invitation because he lives on his own. He’s unable to come, unfortunately, but the couple decided to add both of their college-aged daughters to their RSVP. Fiance intentionally didn’t want to invite them just because they were never close, but we’ve let it go since our numbers were lower than we expected. I’m sure FI’s sisters will be glad to see them there!
Post # 11
We only had one person bring a plus one when a plus one wasn’t given to her. everyone else who wanted to bring a plus one asked me first.
Post # 12
@strawbabies: lol I briefly considered doing. Then I figured I don’t want to take the time to do it and if people are really that dense then I’m not sure that will even help 🙂
Post # 13
@mrshollinger: I’m so bad at telling people no but I know that’s definitely what I need to do if this occurs. Thanks!
Post # 14
We are doing “– of — attending” because of the RSVP troubles my friends have had. Kids and significant others are invited, but teenagers’girlfriends, a playmate for your child, and your sister’s family aren’t. My FI’s family is wonderful about including people for all events, but we have capacity constraints and are trying to avoid additions.
Post # 15
Heh, I just got an earful on another thread because I got upset over a friend asking if he can bring his (to us unknown) girlfriend and then saying he’ll chip in for her if our finances are still stretched due to ongoing unemployment. I flew into a bit of a rage over it, it took Fiance about 8 hours to talk me off the ledge. I just figure that if the bride and groom don’t give you a +1 it’s their call – I’ve never argued with it! Do whatever you can do avoid confusion, it’ll help in the long run.
Post # 16
We did “We have reserved X seats in your honor” and no one added an extra person. We didn’t offer random plus ones, either, and still no one tried to bring someone not on the invite.