Post # 1
Bees, I’m in a predicament. My wedding has passed and we chose not to have our ushers (and thier significant others) at our rehearsal/dinner. Our ushers are very close friends but we decided for simplicitys sake that they did not need to be at the rehearsal. It was hard enough trying to coordinate our BP, families and readers. DH and I decided that he would just tell the ushers what to do and it worked out fine.
Our rehearsal lasted all of 15 mins and was rushed and simple because our priest glazed over alot of stuff. We knew if would be a short rehearsal ahead of time and thought having the extra bodies there just wasn’t necessary.
Long story short, I have just recently found out that the wife of one of our ushers is very upset with us (me in particular) that they were not included in the rehearsal. They feel excluded and hurt. I understand thier point of view but I never thought that not having ushers at the rehearsal would cause so much grief. Looking back, I think I would have done things differently.
Did you or are you planning on having ushers at your rehearsal? What’s the proper etiquette here?
Post # 3
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@MrsBananas: We did, but only because they were my brother and BIL, who we would have invited to the rehearsal dinner anyway. If they mention anything to you I would just let them know that you were trying to save them the hassle of such a short, unnecessary thing. You knew they were smart enough to handle ushering 😉
Post # 4
@MrsBananas: We included them, not on the basis of how complicated their role was, but because they were doing us a service. When you think about it, they actually do more than the groomsmen, and definitely their role takes more time.The ushers are there ahead of time, escort people to their seats, make sure that the sides are balanced etc. The groomsmen, get dressed with the groom and show up only to walk in and stand there.The readers also just get up when they are called and read your chosen piece.
I think her nose is justifiably out of joint on behalf of her husband, although she should not be discussing her issues with other people..
I would phone him,, not HER, and apologize for the unintended slight. I would explain that you were given misinformation about who should be invited to the RD. I would say that it was a lesson learned and you wanted to make sure there were no permanent repercussions to your friendship.
Are you able to invite the ushers and SO’s to your home for a dinner, barbeque etc. Having them over to your home might help soothe any hurt feelings.