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I wanted a boy so bad and ended up with a girl, I had dreams upon dreams of having a boy. But I love my little girl more than anything. I think once baby gets here you won't really care, he is your baby and you will love him more than anything! It isn't like you can take him back and order a girl lol Just try to get used to the idea, go look at all of the cute boy clothes and enjoy your little mister :)
I'm sorry that you're feeling this way. Honestly, I had similar fears before we found out our baby's gender. I felt as though since I'm a woman, I would probably best relate to a girl than a boy, not only in terms of physical body parts, but with what it's like to grow up female.
But I realized that there's a beautiful challenge in learning something new and in learning how to interact with a little boy. You have a wonderful opportunity to shape his life in a way that no other mom (or dad) can, that's uniquely yours.
And it's true, you will love your baby, no matter what, no matter what you wanted, or what you thought you wanted. Once he's in your arms, you'll forget all about what you thought you wanted.
@cyndistar3: that's partly why I had the need to find out the sex, I'd need time to adjust ;)
Your feeling are your feelings- so they are valid. This is just the first of many things that will turn out not exactly as you anticipated with having children. If you had a girl, she might not have been the girlie girl you were expecting. Our friends wanted a boy because the dad is super into sports... but the little boy is NOT interested at all. We kid them that if they have a girl- they might get the athlete they were expecting. Anyway, it is ok to be disappointed, but you can still do lots of the "girl" things with boys- my nephews still want to go roller skating and they still love the glitter with the arts and crafts!
Don't worry, I think a lot of mothers go through this :) I don't have any kids myself yet but one of my best friends had a little girl last year. She was terrified of having a girl for all the reasons you listed above and was really hoping for a boy. She didn't want to raise a daughter to make the same mistakes she did and she was afraid that if she wasn't confident and didn't feel good about herself that she'd never be able to instill confidence and a strong sense of self in her daughter.
Needless to say, all her fears melted away after she had her daughter. She couldn't imagine having anything but a daugter now and becoming a mom has given her the self confidence and self respect that she didn't have before. It's important to remember that each kid is different and unique. My friend ended up with a sweet, spunky little girl who is bursting with self confidence and attitude. You might end up with a quiet little boy who likes to get his toenails painted with you as much as he likes to play with cars. Either way, he'll be your son and you're going to love him no matter what :) In the meantime, it's okay to be disappointed and nervous and let yourself grieve for the daughter you pictured in your mind. Once your son gets here none of that will matter.
@miss-spunkin: You may feel like this now, but it's your child and I think you will love him in a way you never thought you could love, as soon as you first set eyes on your newborn.
Boys can be dirty-er and smelly-er (lol) than girls... but just think, a lot depends on your parenting. You can raise him to be a gentleman and dream-come-true for his future wife. Your baby boy will be a lot like your dear Husband. <3
I think it is perfectly normal to feel like this. I have two brother who have disabilities so I really was indifferent to the sex as long as they were born healthy. Also I had a really traumatic labour and the whole time I was having contractions the heart rate was going down as the baby was in distress, so all I desperatley wanted was my baby to be healthy. I had an adorable little boy and at the beginning it was difficult, I didn't even really know how to clean his nappy properly and what not but now I can't imagine having anyone else but him and I wouldn't change himfor the world. It only seems like a big deal now because you don't know what you are having but after just a few weeks of being a mummy you will forget you even worried about it.
I'm hoping for a girl and DH wants a boy, so when we get pregnant, either way, one of us will be happy and one will be disappointed. I told him we're going to keep having them until we have at least one of each!
I actually hope to have another boy next because I think 2 little brothers is lovely, but either way a wee girl will be nice too. Whatever is meant to be will be :)
I had my heart set on a girl and ended up with a boy. DH knew how much I wanted a girl and when we were told the sex he leaned over me and even apologized that it wasn't a girl. I felt similarly to you in that I knew nothing about boys and what they like and want and how was I going to do this? As it turns out, it just comes naturally and you love your little boy just as much. Sure I still wander over to the girls clothing and think about how cute this outfit or that one would look on a girl, but other than that, I don't miss having a girl. You'll get there, even if it takes until you hold your little boy for those feelings of acceptance and love to take over.
@Garnety: I do agree with that. And thank the Lord my husband has incredible hygiene, and always smells good.. though he's pretty messy..
We're not TTC yet, but I think this is completely normal and a natural adjustment a lot of people go through. I've seen some of my friends go through it and when the baby was born, they were always ecstatic either way.
I'm sure this will be the case if I end up having a boy...FI and I always talked about having a little girl and I've never pictured myself with a son. I think part of the advantage of finding out in advance though is that you have that time to mentally prepare yourself.
You have a while to adjust; give yourself time to come terms with it. Gender disappointment is real thing, and it happens to a lot of women. There's nothing to feel guilty about; what you're feeling is perfectly normal. :)
Also, babies are really gender neutral for at least the first 6 months, so you have plenty of time to jump on the team blue wagon!
I was worried about that too. I'm the girlyest of all girls, I love all things pink ans sparkly. So before we found out I had to convince myself that I also wanted a boy too. For me, a lot of the excitement was about little things like decorating the nursery. So I just researched stuff like that, found some cute ideas, and then got on board with having a boy.
Except we have a little girl... so my problem changed to making sure my husband was ok with having a girl instead of a boy :)
@miss-spunkin: I wanted a boy, and I got a boy. I can assure you that little girls can be just as gross and dirty lol i grew up with only sisters so this is a fact darn it! also, girls have their own set of "issues" like that, such as being moody and dramatic and a bunch of other things. I was of the camp though (bottom line) that as long as i had a healthy baby I would manage. And even if i didnt i would manage but dont we all want our babies to come out healthy and happy? Also, as some PP's have pointed out, you can have a daughter that wants no part of girly things and it can turn out to be just as much of a "new" thing for you as raising a son. Enjoy this time and try and remember that none of us truly know what we are doing in the beginning and its all a learning process no matter what gender you have :) btw congrats!
DH and I both wanted a girl, and we got a boy. Now I'm thrilled we have a boy :)
It is quite common to want one and get another. I wanted girls and I got boys. I wouldn't trade them for anything, but yes there were a few moments of disappointment with each pregnancy. You adjust and trite but true as long as they are healthy that really is all that matters. :)
Sorry to hear you feel this way. I do know people who have had gender disspointment but it was different for them because they already had 3 boys and wanted a girl, and the last one turned out to be a boy too. Since this is my first baby I just want it to be healthy, maybe I'll care more about the gender next time around.
@bells: Yeah... I have to admit that's a worry now that I have one boy. They say that the father determines the gender, and a lot of times it's genetic. Well my FIL had THREE boys before having a girl, and my DH's brother has two boys. So I'm worried I will just keep having boys too!
@stardustintheeyes: yes, I do understand that. I was actually a tomboy until I was a teenager, and had my fair share of issues as well. I think because I was a particularly difficult teenager, I felt more prepared to deal with a girls issues than a boy!
@Mrs. Spring: THANK YOU so much for not making me feel so alone, and somewhat normal! Maybe it's something never talked about because other moms would feel guilty like I do?
Hun, you are not awful AT ALL! I think what you're feeling is completely normal! It's hard not to get your heart set on something and then it changes inside of 2 seconds when an u/s tech tells you "it's a boy!" Time will change these feelings but please don't think for a second that you're a bad person.
@miss-spunkin: As you're already discovering, there's often a lot of unnecessary guilt that goes along with parenthood. I think a lot of women don't talk about gender disappointment because they feel others will think of them as selfish or a "bad" mom. It's totally normal, though, and definitely not anything to feel ashamed of. :)
I wanted a daughter so bad. When the u/s tech said it was another boy when we were having our second, I cried. Then I felt like a jerk because I cried! A few years later I got preggo again, and I got my girl! She was the first girl grandchild out of 8 grandkids! I guess I just want to say that even though I didn't get what I "wanted", I was SO happy and LOVED my babies like no other. Don't worry, when you see that little face, you won't remember you wanted anything other than a baby boy!
Quick story: I used to say I wanted a girl sooo badly. Then I realized that it's not all it's cracked up to be as my little sister ages...she's SO girly, it's almost disappointing. She won't ride her bike, she doesn't like to be dirty, and she doesn't play outside. Nothing there I could really relate to. So now I've started to become indifferent and figure, no matter what I get (if I get one), they will be their own little person and will surprise me every day. :) That being said, my youngest sister is 7, so I feel more like her aunt than her big sister most days. I know it's different, but just the knowledge of HOW girly one can be is kind of overwhelming. Can you say pink princess and manicures? Lol.
I think what you are feeling is totally normal. I don't know of all that many people IRL who DIDN'T have a preference, or at least some vision of their future kid. It doesn't change their happiness or excitement if it's not the gender they pictured, it just means that their view of the little one in question changes a bit. :) Good luck and congrats!
Oh, and one of my brothers has a very interesting personality. He likes to shop (and dress well), he likes to read, he likes to talk things out...but he's captain of the soccer team, plays video games, and plays outside all the time. So who knows. :)
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I feel like a terrible person and a horrible mother for saying this, but I need to be honest and just tell SOMEONE!
All my life, when I thought about having kids, it was always a girl. I am SUCH a girly-girl and had/have so many things I want to share with my daughter. I love little girls so much, and little boys have always freaked me out and made me uncomfortable. they are dirty and loud, and like things I don't know the first thing about (trucks, dirt, dinosaurs, aliens etc), I just don't get them and everybody else's boys have always drove me CRAZY.
I thought for SURE when we got pregnant that I'd have a girl, I couldn't imagine anything different. Everytime I had pregnancy dreams, it was a girl, EVERY TIME! I was convinced and SO sure.
And then the ultrasound tech said it's a boy. I was stunned, shocked, speechless. I litereally could say nothing. I don't know what to do! I acted happy, and still do when I tell family/friends, and say I couldn't imagine it any other way and I'm super excited, but all the reasons I give (a boy first in the family, my sister has a boy so we'll have cousins together etc etc) is just me trying to convince myself it'll be okay.
I honestly don't know what to do! I don't know how to be a mother to a boy and I'm so scared! I keep wishing it was a girl. But I know it's not going to change and that I'll have to deal with it. And I've heard everyone says you love them just the same when they come out, but do you really, when it's not what you wanted?
See, I sound like an AWFUL person. I sound so immature and childish and I hate it! I don't want to be like this. Any advice?!?