Did you know your FI/DH would be a good daddy before you got pregnant/had kids?

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
  • poll: How did you feel about your FI/DH being a dad before having kids?
    I always thought he would make a great dad! : (73 votes)
    84 %
    I figured he would be a great dad but was nervous, just like you. : (14 votes)
    16 %
    Didn't put too much thought into it. : (0 votes)
    Didn't think he would be that great of a dad. : (0 votes)
    Other (share below) : (0 votes)
  • Post # 2
    Member
    6525 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    tattiibee:  I have been with DH for 10 years, married for 7 months and so I only started noticing how he would be as a father when I actually saw him a child, especially his nieces and nephew. We were 18 & 19 when we met, so I didn’t think about how he would be as a dad til years later because at that age, I was not even thinking marriage or kids LoL. But seeing him with his nieces and nephew and our other baby cousins, it makes me heart melt. I can’t wait to see him with our own kids. He is going to be amazing.

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  .
    Post # 3
    Member
    8425 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I actually never intended on having children of my own (I thought about adoption later on down the road, but wasn’t 100% on that either).  However my husband is the only person I ever even considered having children with.  When we first started dating, I was teaching pre-school children and he would often help me with story time and art projects.  The kids loved him.  Now that I’m pregnant, he’s been absolutely amazing; he’s supportive, calm, level-headed and super enthusiastic about becoming a father.  I think a few factors that help are: we’re a little older (34 and 39 when our kids will be delivered), we’re financially stable (house, savings, etc), and there is a lot of family support from his side. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    419 posts
    Helper bee

    We got puppies 10 years ago. He’s cleaned up poo in the middle of the night without getting mad, we went through one having epilepsy and later cancer. He’s going to be an awesome dad. I know how we work as a team too. Generally we take turns ‘breaking down’. One of us always stays strong in the saddest and hardest situations. And we switch. Like if he starts to waiver I’ll step up and vice versa. I’m fairly sure he will think our daughter will  never do anything wrong. he might spoil her a little. Every U/S he says ‘she looks perfect’. He’s been excited, but I thought he’d be more into feeling her kick then he is. He’s more like ‘I really want to paint the nursery (where I was fine with skipping it) or other things to make sure things are ‘good enough’. Like even to where he didn’t like that I wanted to get some stuff (not saftey things) second hand because they outgrow it SO fast. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    2675 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

    I think for me it is easy to think FI would make a good father one day. He worked for years in an elementary school. I would go with him to school functions and all these little kids would run up to him and try to hug him or just wave to get his attention. It was adorable and clearly showed how much these little ones loved spending time with him. He doesn’t work in education anymore but always has an interest in volunteering to help children.

    I will say though that FI is not as much of a baby person, he just doesn’t know what to do to interact with an infant or young toddler like our nephew. When he would hold our nephew as a baby, he just was like “I don’t know what to do with him..” But he will constantly talk about how he can’t wait until our nephew or our future kids are old enough for him to take camping, go to baseball games etc..

    We have also just talked openly about it too which answers a lot of questions. We both know I could never leave my job to stay at home since I am the main earner in our household and have great benefits plus I just don’t think I could completely give up my career that I worked so hard for but FI is very open to the idea of working from home with the kids or working part time for a few years when the kids are very young. Now granted this is all still hypothetical for us! But I think it’s good to have these conversations if you haven’t yet. Ask your FI how he feels about kids, and being a father. His answers could be what make you see things more clearly than just envisioning him holding a baby.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1654 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    I have always thought DH would make a great dad.  He’s great with kids, firm when he needs to be, but fun. Kids LOVE him and are actually drawn to him (including kids we don’t really know like at a BBQ or something). Babies in the store will STARE at him and smile/laugh at the silly faces he makes.  He held his goddaughter when she was itty bitty and did great. I never had any doubts about him being a great dad. I can’t wait to see him with our little one in November!

    Post # 7
    Member
    810 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    At first, not so much. Then we got our puppies and he’s so good with them! And our friends have a 2 hear old and a newborn, he’s so good with them! I can’t wait to see him be a daddy to our bubba!! 

    Post # 8
    Member
    2696 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Meh. I am really akward around other people’s kids..and don’t feel comfortable around them, but with my own, I am 100% comfortable and a great mama (IMO!)

    DH is much of the same. Not overly great with other kids, but fantastic with his own daughter. It’s just different when they are your own a suppose.

    Post # 9
    Member
    4825 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I don’t think there’s any way to really “know” if someone will be a good parent until they are. Plus, age and maturity level have so much to do with it. For example, I probably would have been a horrible mother at 21. Likewise, I know several women who seem very maternal but don’t want to have kids. My husband is great with our dog, but isn’t the kind of guy who would volunteer to hold someone’s kid. I’m sure he’ll be a great dad though because he wants to be. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    746 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I wouldn’t have married him if I was not confident he’d be a wonderful dad.  Like a PP, DH has been so patient with our pets.  He would get out of bed in the middle of the night to deal w/ them, clean up poop, ensure he got to spend plenty of quality one on one time w/ them, etc.<br /><br />DH lacked confidence at first, but we learned together, he took classes and was very hands on.  So many moms say stuff like “oh no!  I can’t leave the kids w/ DH.  He wouldnt know how to handle them.”  That is the opposite of what I would accept!! 

    Post # 11
    Member
    4072 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    DH isn’t really a natural with kids, particularly babies. He just doesn’t know what to do with them. I figure it’s because he hasn’t been around them much. He can also get annoyed by kids easily.

    But at the same time, he does goofy little things that make me thing, holy cow, our future kids are gonna love you. I can definitely see how fun he will be.

    And sometimes he does shine. He is great with my two little cousins. He volunteered to be a pool monster for a whole afternoon, throwing them into the water and swimming after them. He had a fun time. 

    So sometimes he can be a natural. It depends on the kid and the age. Other times he is awkward. But overall I know he’ll get used to being a dad and he’ll be great.

    Post # 12
    Member
    3201 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    My FI and I don’t have any kids yet, but if you ask anyone that knows us, I actually said when I first met him that the reason I was so attracted to him was that I could tell he would be a good husband and father someday. There has always been something about FI that is just so nurturing and kind that I can’t wait to have children with him. He’s the type of person that EVERYONE loves, but when it comes to animals and BABIES, oh my goodness. Babies love him. I’m counting down the days until we can have kids. I just know FI is going to be a good father.

    Post # 13
    Member
    6274 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    the first time i saw him interact with his 3 neices i knew he would make an amazing father.  we had only been dating a few months at the time.

    Post # 15
    Member
    415 posts
    Helper bee

    As bad as this sounds, I don’t think FI would be a great father. I don’t want children, so that’s okay! He does have a child from a previous marriage and I the few times I’ve seen them interact, I just don’t feel like he’s totally there. Like, I feel like when I’m around he expects me to be the baby sitter and entertainer.  He works the weekends so when he does have her every other weekend, they just eat dinner, color or watch a movie then go to bed. He spends so much on child support and health insurance for his daughter that he is unable to provide much for our household and would not be able to support another addition to the family. He works so much that after he cooks dinner, he falls asleep. I can’t see him taking care of a baby! And I know I sure don’t so it’s all okay! I am totally not good with kids so we’re even. Lol. We love animals though!

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