Did you leave an ex-boyfriend for your current SO?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Were you with someone else when you started dating your SO?
    Nope, I was single! : (113 votes)
    40 %
    Yep, I was casually dating someone. : (50 votes)
    18 %
    Yep, I was in a serious/long-term relationship. : (35 votes)
    12 %
    Yep, and we were living together and/or married. : (21 votes)
    7 %
    It was a difficult decision : (21 votes)
    7 %
    It was an easy decision : (42 votes)
    15 %
  • Post # 4
    Member
    1234 posts
    Bumble bee

    There wasn’t an option for me on the poll. Basically, when SO and I started talking, I was also talking to this guy in the navy (we weren’t dating). But he was bouncing back and forth between whether he wanted me or his ex girlfriend… basically I got sick of waiting. I realized if I wasn’t going to be someone’s first choice, without question, I wasn’t interested in being a second option. So I gave SO a chance and now we’re debating on the date of our wedding and it was the best decision I ever made.

     

    As a side note, while it was an easy choice to stop pining after navy guy, he and I are still friends. We text each other on occasion and see how the other is doing, keep caught up on each other’s lives, and are friendly. We make better friends than lovers, basically.

     

    Post # 5
    Member
    448 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I didn’t know what to say on the poll.

    I was living with SO (as flat mates) we had also been FWB for a while.

    We officially got together after a fight where he told me not to go on this date with the person that I had been on a few dates with. So sort of seeing someone but then me band SO were FWB and I wasn’t dating the other guy

    Post # 6
    Member
    13005 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I was in a serious relationship of 7 or 8 years.  Actually, it was going on for 5 or 6 years when I ended it and saw someone else for a few months.  That went to shit and it made me fell like ending it was a big mistake and we eventually got back together… just for me to end it again a few months later after meeting my now DH.  The first time, it was sadly a pretty easy decision.  I was pretty unhappy, a new opportunity presented itself and I was ready to see if I’d be happier with someone else.  The second time, it was much harder for some reason cause I’d already learned the grass is not greener and maybe this was as good as it go.  But in my heart I knew I should end it.  If not for DH, then for the sake of the relationship anyways.  If this much doubt kept creeping in, he was obviously not the one for me.   I did eventually end it for DH, and I’m not exactly thrilled with how I handled the situations, but don’t regret the choice one bit.

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    1662 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Stories, eh? Oh, the scandal! 😉 Here is mine:

    I was 17 and had a bf when I ended up seeing a lot of the gorgeous but quiet wrestling captain (now FI) due to a school club. We just hit it off like… Magic. We were fast friends although there was electricity there as well.

    My high school bf did not like this, of course. He was actually a totally nice and cute guy. The only problem is that he considered us serious and I considered us “high school relationship”. He would write poems and stuff. I am utterly unsentimental, so we weren’t very compatible. I kept dating him for a few more months because we had fun together. I was also trying to avoid the super serious relationship that I knew would develop with the hottie wrestler. We were going to attend university in different cities and I had big plans for my future. I didn’t want to be held back by some boy.

    Eventually I got bored of overly mushy high school bf and broke up with him. Sparks were flying like crazy with the wrestler. He was kind and gentle and hilarious in addition to being a total babe. I knew that if I let him go off to university unattached, some other girl was going to see all of these qualities and snap him up. I couldn’t have that! So we got together quickly after that.

    All of this was about 9 years ago. I’m going to marry that gorgeous wrestler in less than 2 months, and we’re so happy. It turns out that boy inspired me instead of holding me back.

    Post # 8
    Member
    220 posts
    Helper bee

    Hmm this is tricky. I was casually seeing someone very innapropriate and we BOTH knew that if we met someone else then that’d be it as we both wanted different things – he was 12 years younger and wanted a family. I already had one and there was nowhere to move from there but we DID genuinly like each other and wished each other the best when I did eventually meet my SO.

    I have nothing but fondness for him and he’s the same – have casually ran into one and other on occaision.

    If you can casually date someone and be super honest and counteract any hurt feelings ahead of time, it can be done.

    But you MUST respect one and other and be kind.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1266 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    When I met FI I was seeing someone else exclusively, but not seriously.  When I’m in a relationship I’m 100% loyal to that person, so FI and I were just friends for almost a year.  Things with the guy I was seeing went downhill and I would have dumped him regarless of whether or not FI was in the picture, but I would be lying if I didn’t say that I had FI in the back of my mind when thinking that I deserved better than the guy I was with at the time.  FI was actually in a completely different country when I ended the other relationship, but we both had developed massive crushes from talking online constantly, so as soon as he got back to the states I went to visit him and we’ve been together ever since.  I answered both that I was single and that I was casually dating someone.  It was kind of a “I didn’t see what was in front of me until the other guy was gone” type of situation.

    Post # 10
    Member
    8425 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I was in what most people would consider serious I guess (dating for 3 years, living together for 2), but I was never really invested in the relationship to begin with (or any relationship for that matter).  However, I ended up breaking up with my ex before I found out my husband even liked me (we met online playing WoW).  I voted that it was an easy decision.

    Post # 11
    Member
    609 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @winstonchurchill:  I voted yes, I was casually dating someone; however when I “left” him he put up quite the fight after not wanting to ever make anything official. I always got “Why fix it if its not broken?” yeah okay buddy. I found out a few months later after starting to date FI that I was his piece on the side. Makes sence why he didnt want to put a name to it.. Whatevs, now hes a dead beat dad, with a dead end job, living in a run down apt by himself. Ha, love Karma!

    Post # 12
    Member
    2368 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Technically, I was still married.  And by technically, I mean the state of North Carolina requires a 1 year waiting period of separation before you can file for divorce.  It was incredibly easy, because functionally, I was divorced.  I just had to explain the laws, I even sent him a copy of the divorce statues so he would know I wasn’t making it up! 

    Post # 13
    Member
    69 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I was with my ex for almost 10 years and, we were living together most of them. It was a terrible relationship, he treated me like crap!! We had broken up a couple of times, and I moved out on my own once or twice. I had a crush on his friend for 6 or 7 years but never acted on it. I finally broke up with my ex for a final time and couldn’t get the friend out of my mind.  I called him a month later and it’s been almost 2 years since then; we’re married and pregnant and I couldn’t be happier!  He proposed to me on our 1 year anniversary and we got married 8 months later.  Part of me regrets not leaving the ex sooner, and part of me thinks everything happens for a reason and patience & the right timing makes things work out better. I love my DH more than anything in the world, and it feels incredible to be in a relationship I am 100% sure of.  I used to always think my life felt off with my ex.  I didn’t exactly break up with my ex for my DH, I had intentions of being single (possibly forever).  Every time I did break up with my ex I would get nervous I may never see DH again since he was my ex’s friend and not really mine. 

    I always suspected my ex was cheating on me, and he hooked up with some girl I caught him talking to on FB  the week we broke up. I found out about the girl because he was bragging about it to DH and other friends not knowing DH and I were dating yet. He was begging and crying to get back with me while hooking up with other girls at the same time lol.  

    Post # 14
    Member
    6505 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I didn’t actually leave my ex for DH but I did have a bit of a crush on him. We ended our 3 year relationship mutually and it had nothing to do with DH. I didn’t even realize that I had a crush on him during my previous relationship until I examined my feelings about a month after I broke up with my ex.

    Post # 15
    Member
    2696 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Nope. I was single.

    Post # 16
    Member
    232 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    Hmm.. I ticked serious relationship as although I was only 16 when my FI and I got together I had been with my ex for over a year. it wasn’t a very healthy relationship, I wasnt ready for a sexual relationship however my ex had other ideas and FI kind of saved me. Must admit I’ve still not really dealt with it as my ex  then died suddenly. 

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