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I recently got married and kept my last name. This is definitely a rarity in my family and circle of friends. All of my adult bridesmaids are married, and all took their husband's names, as have all of the married women on both sides of my family. (What can I say, I've always been different. LOL)
I've also seen bees say that they work in a profession or come from a family/culture where women do not tend to change their names. So what about you? Did you make the same decision as others in your family/group of friends (whatever that decision that may be), or did you go against the grain?
I've never personally known a woman who kept her maiden name. Every married woman I know has taken her husbands name or went the hyphen route. Honestly, keeping my maiden name never even crossed my mind. I always knew I would take my husbands name. I guess it's just what we do. :)
Just about all of my friends and family took their husbands name. Off the top of my head, the only person I can think of who kept her maiden name (besides a few people I know from work) is my aunt, who got married 22 years ago.
Despite this fact, I have yet to hear negative comments (at least to my face) about me keeping my name. Even DH's family, who is far more traditional and conservative than mine, seems fine with my decision.
I agree with CaitMarae, not changing my last name never even came to mind. I'm big on tradition, as is my family and friends. ...I'm also super excited to get rid of my last name (I'm not a fan of my dad's family and would like to not have the same last name)
As far as I know, everyone in my family did the tradition drop their last name/take his last name. Same with all my friends, except my MOH. Both she and I took our husbands last names, but dropped our middle rather than our last, and now use our maiden names as middle names.
It is very common among my friends and colleagues for women to keep their last names. My mom changed her name the first time she married (to my dad), and then kept that name when she remarried, since it was my name by then, and she had developed her professional identity under it.
It's less common in my FI's family - I'm pretty sure all of them take their husband's names. But they were great - they actually asked my FI what our names would be after the wedding, rather than just assuming I would be taking his last name.
So yeah. I'm keeping my name, which is the norm among most people around me, but definitely not the norm for the culture at large.
I'm going against the grain by hyphenating. My family and the women I grew up around tended to either keep their maiden names or change completely, and my friends seem to be mostly doing the same, with a few exceptions -- a couple of hyphenations, a couple of Herfirst Herlast Hislasts, and a few more unique situations, like a husband and wife who both took both names and a couple who made up their own totally new last name. I don't think there's anyone else in my family with a hyphenated last name.
Everyone I know has changed their last name, with the exception of one friend that hyphenated. I'm still trying to decide whether to just keep my last name or hypenate, but I'm not going to outright change it. FI's family will most likely be the only ones that have a problem with it.
I'm going against everyone else and taking my mothers maiden name or 'creating' a new last name that no one else will have... No one in my family has done that and I don't have many friends so I'm not sure what they plan to do.
The vast majority changed their last names. Oddly, many people asked me if I was changing it--maybe because I'm an older bride?
I use my husband's name socially, so many friends/family don't even know I didn't change it.
For me it's a 60/40 split. Abuot 60% of the people I know changed their name and the other kept theirs. I only know one hyphen and that's FI's mom. I'm keeping my name and that's not uncommon in our circle. Although I am trying to convince FI for both of us to change our name to something new. So far he's not biting.
My husband and I are combining our names to create a new one.
@mightywombat: That's awesome that they asked what you were doing instead of just assuming. Most of our guests that gave us cards or checks (and one that gave us a monogrammed towel) assumed I was changing my name.
ETA: Don't get me wrong, I'm still super-grateful for all those gifts, regardless of what they called me!
I changed my name for my first marriage because it wasn't as common then to not do so, and I have no relationship with my father and couldn't wait to get rid of my unusual last name.
I loved my exhusbands last name, and even though it's easy to spell, it was very uncommon - if you type it into Facebook, only my exhusband, his wife, his brother and me show up!It was often pronounced wrong, but I still loved it. My career started with that name and I really didn't want to lose the credibility I had built with that name.
I reluctantly took my maiden name back only because there was going to be a new mrs. so and so the DAY AFTER our divorce and I just couldn't deal with that. Thankfulyl I moved 2000 miles away, so it didn't really affect my career.
Changing my name was never really a decision I had to struggle with, Ican't wait to get rid of my last name. FIs is super common, but maybe for once in my life I won't have to spell it or say it for people ;)
I changed my name. The only friend of mine who kept her maiden name is a well known artist so it made sense for her to keep it.
im going to say, kind of. Like my friends i will be taking my fiances name, but they all seemed to be attached to their maiden names, and have gotten them tattoo'd so they will be *insert that last name here* forever. I will not be following that tattoo trend.
I think I'll be the first in the family (mine and his) to go the hyphen route, but some of my friends from law school will be doing the same or keeping only their maiden name. Had we gotten married after HS/during college, I may have switched to only his last name, but I doubt it.
I mean, I found out when I was 10 from a classmate that women are 'supposed' to take the guys name *I guess I just thought my mom was born with the same last name as my father* and I didn't really like that. Even at 10 I guess I was plotting to keep my own name in there somehow ;-)
Yeah...most of my family and friends have changed their name. And I think it would be a shocker in my work environment if I didn't change my name. I've always wanted to, though, so I'm not being pressured.
I will take his name and drop my maiden name completely, but for traditional reasons and for personal reasons. My initial are CTR and I am NOT religious at all, and I hate my initials, I also have a horrible relationship with my father and want to drop his name forever! I love the rest of his family, so it's not the name, more the fact that I don't want him to find me or know my new last name or keep any part of him. I know, probably tmi, but that's ok lol :)
FI and I are both taking each other's last names (basically it'll be "my last name-his last name"), and we're the only ones we know who've done this. A few of my girlfriends kept their maiden names and a few hyphenated, but we don't know any couples who both hyphenated together. This decision is perfect for us, and we're totally happy with it, even though a lot of people (mostly my family) don't seem to understand why I'm not just taking his last name.
I don't know anyone who has kept their maiden name, and like PPs the thought of not changing mine never ever crossed my mind. I was miffed when I came on weddingbee and saw the threads about women keeping their maiden name, part of me just doesn't understand it but everyone is different I guess.
I don't know anyone in real life who has kept their maiden name or even hypenated. Every married person I know has taken their husband's name and I did the same.
@Miss Pinup: why would you be "miffed" by that? Does that offend you somehow? (not trying to be a jerk, I'm honestly curious!)
I've never had any friends keep their maiden names. I have some friends with hyphenated last names (from their mom's and dad's name hyphenated) and they hate it. They can't wait to get rid of the long last name when they get married.
Wouldn't it be harder for the kids to not have the same last name as their mom?
I'm keeping my name and it seems like the women I know are split pretty close to 50/50. My mother took my father's name when they married, but we grew up very close to my father's mother and stepfather who had different last names. In my fiance's family, everyone has different last names... I made my decision for my own reasons, but I think I would actually feel a little out of place in his family if I changed my name.
I find that people have been asking me what I plan to do rather than making assumptions. The people who have expressed any sort of reaction are actually relieved that I'm keeping my name because it's really awesome - we've had several friends tell my fiance that he should take my last name because it's better, but he's very fond of his.
My hubby wanted MY last name but MIL wouldn't let him, haha. So we kept his which is different from hers since she remarried.
I know of one person who hyphenated, but she never bothered to make that her legal name. Her legal name is Herfirst Hermiddle Hislast, though she goes by Herfirst Herlast-Hislast most of the time, both professionally AND socially.
But I don't personally know anyone who kept her maiden name, legally changed her name to a hyphenated name, or whose husband took her name. I also don't know anyone who made her maiden name her middle name and droppped her middle name or kept all three of her names, making her last name a second middle name.
When I married the first time at 21, I just took my husband's name because that is what everyone I knew did. When I married this time, I did think of keeping my ex-husband's name for professional reasons, but decided against it because I didn't feel right being married to my husband but using my ex-husband's name. Had I been using my maiden name, I'd likely have kept it at least professionally.
Everybody I know except one person kept their maiden name. That one person took her husband's name. I hyphenated.
@Miss Pinup: Why would someone's very personal decision to keep their own name/identity "miff" or offend you??
@PinkMagnolia: That's exactly why my husband and I combined our names- we didn't want our kids to have a different name than one of us. I do feel kinda bad that it's going to be a little long (no hyphen though, so that helps a little), but at least it's pretty cool (both of our last names have actual obvious meaning). =)
@Miss Pinup: seriously? You were "miffed" when you saw ladies wanting to keep their own name? Ugh, people can be so closed minded sometimes....
I am keeping my last name because it just suits me. I don't think anyone that knows me is surprised, they all assumed I would keep my name. hen my fiance and I talked about it he was surprised I even considered changing my name. He says he is supportive of my decision either way.
I have no problem either way :) I think it's great that women want to take their husbands name and I think it's great that women want to keep their own last name. It really just depends on the person!!
I am going against the grain of both of our families and I will not be changing my last name. I love my maiden name, it is a wonderful gift from my father and I intend to keep it all the days of my life. Many of you have said that not changing your last name was never even a thought in your mind and for me changing mine was never an option. I will and always will be a "my madien name" I am just marrying a "his last name".
Just about everyone I know changes her name when she gets married, as will I. The biggest exception is my sister-in-law, and one of my aunts goes by her maiden name.
My mother was married almost 20 yrs before she changed her maiden name. Growing up those everyone referrered to her as "Mrs. MyDadsLastName". I never even knew until I was older that my mother didn't have the same last name. I guess for that reason, even if you keep your maiden name noone pays attention to it once you have a family. I do not know any other woman that kept her maiden name. I never even thought about not changing it, although I used to tease my husband and say that I was keeping my maiden name.
I kept my maiden name which is common in asian cultures. although when my mother and aunts all immigrated here, their last names were automatically changed to their husbands as that was the norm back then in north america.
in hubby's family, everyone changes their last name. of my friends, majority have changed their last name. and my sister is the only hypenated last name in our family.
I'm keeping my name ass a second middle and using it as an unhyphenated double last name on everything but offical things. FH's last name is very common while mine is very not- my cousin with the same last name as me, who married someone with FH's last name, did the same thing. Everyone else has taken their husband's last name as their only.
I'm unusual everyone I know has NOT taken hubbies name. I am the only one who plans to.
@Knubbsy-Wubbsy: How funny that you and your cousin are marrying people with the same last name (they're not related, are they?) and that you're doing the same thing with your names! =)
I think I read in Slate a few years ago that the vast majority (more than 80%) of women drop their maiden name nowadays. Apparently the practice of keeping your maiden name peaked for college-educated women in the 90s and it's been fading away more and more every year. Obviously it's pretty regional though.
The circles I run in are even much more traditional than that, we're at 100%, including me. I don't mind, though, I love FI's name!
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