did you pressure your SO to propose

posted 3 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
Member
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@otto2008:  I didn’t pressure my husband into proposing, he did it on his own. However, some men need the push because they aren’t on the same page as other couples.

You should communicate to your GF that you are going to propose someday, but that you would like to finish school first and land good jobs.

 

That was the agreement my husband and I had, we agreed that we would take the relationship to the next level after we got done with school and had full time jobs with a stable income

 

Be honest with her and she will understand.

 

Post # 4
Member
1355 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church

Absolutely not. I wanted him to propose when he was ready.

Post # 5
Member
9533 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Honestly, I’d have a real discussion with her about your thoughts on your relationship, marriage and the timeline that you are thinking about. See what she thinks. Talk about it. Let her know that you don’t really appreciate all the hint dropiing, and if she wants to say something she should just say it. Be honest and direct but not accusatory. Then you can both be on the same page moving forward. 

For me, personally, my husband was really to get married before I was. We talked about it and I asked for some time to figure things out. He was very gracious and didn’t pressure me. And I was able to take my time to think and then tell him that I was ready. So no hint dropping for me. 

Post # 6
Member
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@otto2008:  have you told her what you’ve written in your post? Maybe if she has a good idea of why you two aren’t engaged yet, she’ll feel better. It really sucks to live your life based on someone else’s timeline, so open communication is key.

I didn’t pressure my fiance because he had explicitly told me that he wasn’t ready for the pressure and costs of a wedding, and that he didn’t want to get married while I was in grad school. I thought it was a fair assertion and I was glad that he was 100% committed to me regardless.

Post # 7
Member
1327 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@JenGirl:  This this this.

I didn’t pressure him, because we had talked openly about our relationship and what we saw for our future.  We were both on the same page regarding when we wanted to be married. 

It can be hard when you haven’t discussed it.  She can’t read your mind, so while you know you plan to propose but are waiting for the right time, she might not know if marriage is even on your radar.

Post # 8
Member
3077 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I’m actually in your position. My SO wants to be engaged sooner & I’m the one who wants to wait a bit and get school finished etc

Best thing I can say is be honest & open. Have a conversation about both of your views on the next few years and tell her WHY you want to wait.

Post # 9
Member
1931 posts
Buzzing bee

I pushed the topic, yes. Once he asked me to back off because it made him feel pressured, I did. He’ll propose when he’s ready, and we’ve agreed to a timeline which places a proposal within about a year. 

Post # 10
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@otto2008:  I didn’t start pushing until this last year. We have been together for nearly 5 years and we are both in our 30’s. This was something that I wanted him to do on his own but when we passed 4 years and still no sign I started hinting a lot more.

We had open discussions on future and marriage so I knew it would happen but I wanted him to understand that I’m not getting any younger and if we want kids too we had better get started soon!

Post # 11
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I told my BF that I would like to get married some time within the next 2-3 years depending on when it will fit in with life etc. We’ve been together for 3.5 years and we probably had this talk around the 3 year mark. Now, how to say this without making it sound weird or downright wrong – marriage is not a big deal to him, it’s not something he cares very much about and he would have never thought about it if I hadn’t brought it up. And honestly Im the same myself in some ways. The only reason I said it and we’ve talked about marriage is because we’re a binational couple and I’m the one living abroad. If it weren’t for the practical matters this entails I wouldn’t care about getting married before we’d already had kids.

I think you should be able to clearly express your wants and expectations – never pressure. Not sure that I think telling your SO that he should ‘put a ring on it’ is a nice way of doing it. But the idea that only one part of the relationship can suggest marriage and only the other part can accept or decline is uber old-fashioned in my mind. 

Post # 12
Member
1275 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Ew no I didn’t pressure him at all.  We talked about it once at the beginning of college when I just said I’d like to be engaged by graduation because I wasn’t comfortable planning my life/career around his unless there was a serious commitment.  He agreed.  Then he proposed junior year.

I wonder if this is just a conflict in wants.  Maybe she doesn’t realize you want to wait to have a bigger/nicer wedding – I think most women (me included, anyway) assume that men would rather have a quicker and smaller event!

Post # 13
Member
1582 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@otto2008:  I’ll admit that I’m guilty for pressuring my FI, and a lot. I shouldn’t have done it and regret doing it, especially since for a long time I worried that I had made him propose when he didn’t want to. We’re over it now, but I wouldn’t recommend it for anybody, especially as it put so much unnecessary pressure on him… I should have been more patient, in the end, and I’m trying to be now.

Post # 14
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@otto2008:  No, I didn’t have to. He wanted to get married just as much as I did and we were on the same page about when we wanted to get married.  Sounds like you need to sit down and have an open discussion with her about it.

Post # 16
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I didn’t pressure him at all. If anything, when he tried to discuss it, I brushed him off! He knew that I did not want to be engaged until I was finished school. I told him other than that, it was up to him. I knew we would get married, I just wanted to finish school without any distractions so I made a conscious effort not to think about it. He proposed 2 months after I graduated!

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