Did you require parental permission to marry?

posted 2 years ago in Traditions
  • poll: DId you need parental permission to marry
    Yes - and it didn't bother me : (3 votes)
    3 %
    Yes - and it bothered me : (0 votes)
    No - but it wouldn't bother me if I did : (8 votes)
    9 %
    No - but it would have bothered me : (72 votes)
    84 %
    I have another opinion : (3 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    210 posts
    Helper bee

    I wouldn’t be offended by the term spinster, it’s just a short way of saying that she hasn’t been married before! 

    Post # 3
    Member
    1244 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    Yes I would be annoyed, but I also would never get married in a place that had those requirements, or any number of arbitrary requirements that churches put on couples.

    Post # 4
    Member
    5207 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    MsGinkgo:  Our parents begged and pleaded for us to get married for years. They were ready before we were!

    Post # 5
    Member
    7075 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Honestly I would seriously rethink marrying someone who belongs to a church with these types of rules. I’m not a piece of property.

    Post # 6
    Member
    398 posts
    Helper bee

    MsGinkgo:  

    I have heard of this custom in certain Near Eastern as well as some Asian and African cultures where parents typically arrange marriages for their offspring. I have never heard of this as a common, sanctioned practice in Christian mainstream denominations (e.g., Catholic, Anglican, Lutheran, Presbyterian, Methodist, etc.), which leads me to believe that it is probably culturally-derived.

    Whilst I do not take offence to the term ‘spinster’ — granted, it isn’t the prettiest word — I am offended by the notion that an adult woman, aged 31, needs her parents’ permission for anything. I do not subscribe to the notion of cultural relativism, and firmly believe that certain cultural practices are not only deeply misogynistic but downright harmful by advocating female inferiority and promoting the status of women as personal property.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1506 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    MsGinkgo:  FI asked for my fathers blessing, not permission. It was just a respect thing. As for your situation, that is strange… I’ve never heard of needing a written letter of permission from Mommy and Daddy  for GROWN ADULTS to get married. What if the parents were dead or ill and not able to write the letter? Or what if the child and parent were not on good terms so the parent refused to sign?   This is just really strange to me. No one should need to have someones permission to marry who they love.

    Post # 8
    Member
    4797 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    MsGinkgo:  No way in heck! Nope, couldn’t get married in a church like that.

    Post # 9
    Member
    398 posts
    Helper bee

    MsGinkgo:  

    Can you tell us a little bit more about the background, please (i.e., which culture, country, religious denomination is involved)? I can do some research regarding the legitimacy of this demand. I have access to many academic and legal resources. I have heard of cases, where churches have made up their own rules that were not in compliance with local laws and their own governing bodies.

    I second what others have written: I would refuse to get married in a church that considers me to be little more than chattel, and by extension, I’d have serious doubts about the beliefs and values of a man regarding the status of women who attends such a church.

    Post # 11
    Member
    4483 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    As an adult,I should require no one’s permission but my own to marry 

    Post # 12
    Member
    544 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    So the in-laws are drafting this letter and her parents need to sign? Is this a legitimate church requirement or in-law requirement?

    edit: there’s no way in heck I’d be allowing my parents to sign that letter.  If I’m old enough to marry, I’m old enough to do it myself. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    398 posts
    Helper bee

    MsGinkgo:  

    It is absolutely cultural. I have relatives in Scotland where the Presbyterian Church has its roots, and I have never heard of such a policy. Presbyterian churches are governed by a council of elders based on a Book of Order, and the Book of Order hasnt listed parental permission as a requirement in decades! The original 16th century Protestant reformers considered parental permission along with the couple’s consent and the presence of witnesses to be an essential component of marriage, but that was 500 years ago, and lots of things have changed since then.

    Post # 14
    Member
    3200 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    MsGinkgo:  I think it definitely would have bothered to me. I wouldn’t be getting married in that church if I needed a signed form to get married like I was twelve. FI had to ask my parents for their blessing to marry me, less out of obligation, more out of respect. 

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