Did you stop before marriage?

posted 3 years ago in Christian
Post # 3
Member
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We did for a month. Any longer might have caused problems in the relationship, honestly. But it really all depends on what you think about sex before marriage, what role sex has in your relationship and your faith, etc. If you don’t think there’s anything wrong with premarital sex or don’t see any benefit to abstaining, then don’t. But if you think it will strengthen your marriage, make married sex even better, or (most importantly) is the right thing to do by God, then you should consider abstaining. It really, really depends.

Post # 4
Member
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I am not abstaining, but I have a question- If you are already sexually active, why would abstain all of a sudden?

Post # 6
Member
1259 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I was wondering the same thing. You’ve already had sex. There is no point in abstaining now.

Post # 7
Member
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Kacey23– Oh, well I understand that. Maybe ya’ll should just talk and if you both decide that it is important to wait, then wait.

Post # 9
Member
1491 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We abstained for 5 months prior to getting married!  And yes, I was sexually active before marriage.   I won’t say it was easy, we both had our weak moments (ok, I had a lot of weak moments!!!), but I think it was actually quite nice. We weren’t as focused on sex, it made talking to my deacon in regards to the pre-cana stuff a bit more easy because we could truthfully say we were not sexually active, and it just actually made the “first married night” (and those following) way more special.  Also I didn’t have to worry about “accidently” getting pregnant before the wedding, LOL!    It caused absolutely no stress on our relationship at all.   I’m Catholic and he’s not, so I was the one that suggested it, and he went along with it.  

 Sure suprised my friends though, lol!!  

 

Would I recommend it for all couples prior to marriage?  No.  Does it work for some?  Yes.  Should you do it for only religious reasons?  Ehhh not so sure.  

 

 

Post # 10
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’ve struggled with this. Growing up through high school, I firmly believed I would wait until my wedding night. Through college, I doubted I would, but at that time it was for the wrong reasons. Once I met my FI, I knew from the moment I got home from our first date that he was the one I would marry. (FYI, we are both Christian and both virgins when we met). After three months of dating, we first had sex. I had guilty feelings about it off and on, but I finally came to a point where I don’t feel bad about it anymore. He was my first, and the only man I will ever sleep with, and he is my soon to be husband. We’ve been 100% committed, faithful, and in love from the very beginning, and I don’t think see that having sex is wrong in this kind of situation.

Post # 11
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

FI & I made a commitment early into our courtship that we would abstain.. in the course of a year.. we did slip up 3 times.. and now that we are engaged we have made that full commitment again! It’s really hard but its certainly possible… and just because u’ve done it before doesnt mean u can never stop!

Your wedding night will be magical 🙂

Post # 12
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - alder manor

@Kacey23:  I don’t see why someone would “stop”. If you’ve done it, why not just keep doing it?

I can see why people just don’t do sex before marraige, but if its been done in the past, why stop?

Post # 13
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@Kacey23:  That’s the issue with following everything the bible says. Sex isn’t sinful. It’s a natural human act. If you love each other then just do it. Maybe abstain for like a week before if you want it to be special but there’s not really anything to be gained from abstaining for a long time if you’ve already done it.

Post # 14
Member
1193 posts
Bumble bee

@Kacey23:  We are not virgins, but we decided early on in our relationship to wait til marriage. Its VERY stressful and frustrating. But I’m excited to have that connection once we do get married.

Post # 15
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee

@Kacey23:  We are not having sex until we are married anyways (we are both virgins). And to those who asked… I think people stop all of a sudden to make is more special on their wedding night.

Post # 16
Member
1262 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Mount Hermon

We went into our relationship wholeheartedly believing we would wait.  We were both virgins.  At some point (after we got engaged), we realized it was pointless to wait.  We were 100% commited to each other, the marriage is going to happen, and that guideline came from several millenia ago, when beides and grooms didn’t even know each other’s names.  Having sex before you were married was the same as having sex with a stranger. 

We do, however, plan to teach our children to wait until marriage and let them arrive at the same conclusion we did, rather than try to confuse hormonal high schoolers.  For the same reason, we are not letting FI’s brother find out.  It’s still a black-and-white issue to him, and he still looks up to his brother as a role model. 

We do not, however, live together, because our families would blow a gasket.  Unfortunately. 

And no, we’re not going to stop right before the wedding.  

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