- 2 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
did any of you have a conversation with your SO (or even now that your married) about having to take care of either of your parents when they age and either cant take care of themselves, or have enough money to live on? what the arrangements would be? if there are siblings their involvement?
Let me tell ya the topic came up and some sparks flew lol. I’ll try to keep it the short version. Basically my DH parents started making comments to us when they got back from a trip to see GMIL in italy (he’s from there) and they were saying how the grandmas companion (he’s like a bf I guess lol) he has a son and his wife is not very “open”/friendly and they never have them for dinner etc… and they were going on about how when the time comes “they know the DIL wont be welcoming them into their home” and kept going on like “well we KNOW you guys will take care of us……….”
Fast forward…. driving home I asked my DH what he expected in terms of helping parents/living situations. We agreed that its not like we’ll be moving people in just cause their old and wrinkley…. if they physically cant take care of themselves, or somethings wrong then its something to be looked at. I mentioned obviously it would depend on whats going on because sometimes they need professional help round the clock so it would depend… he jumped in getting all defensive and says “well I will be offering my parents to live with us first and foremost thats IT“. Im like ahhhh ok chill out first off…
I explained myself by saying it depends….Im not saying NO…. ie: what exactly do you think will happen if we are still in the working world and they have a terminal illness where they need certain medications at specific times and they need to be hooked up to some monitors etc… what if they physically cant walk and need to be lifted onto a toilet/be dressed, cant feed themselves? what if they have altziemers like my grandma and become violent (very typical) because they dont know us and we still have kids in the house?? what if we still live in this house with massive stairs to diff parts of the house when in reality they NEED to be in a bungalow situation?
Baically my point was, there are several situations where it may not be condusive to them living with us (this goes for mine as well) nd we need to assess the situation when it happens….. again….. immediate defensive…. Im like DUDE IM NOT SAYING THEY WONT BE WELCOME, Im saying its all situational…..
AAAAAAAAAAND his sister is currently finishing off her nursing degree…. hello?????? Obviously things have to be fair….so I told him IF the time comes we have to deal with this then:
1) you, me, your sister, and her husband will have to sit down and figure out a situation thats fair for everyone…. WE are not just automatically taking anyone and having the other sibling get off scott free to live their life with no responsibility in it…. (whether its a shared living time, or one takes them in and the other puts in the finances who knows….
2) we will at the time have to look at the other spouses family…. ie: Im an only child so I am my parents only option…so what if DH parents were with us then mine needed help…well sorry but yours are going to have to go with your sister……(so in my opinion wouldnt it be easier if they were there in the first place?) but then again his sister hubby is also going ot have a family too!!
I guess it all came up because DH parents have NOT set themselves up for retirement AT ALL and Im so scared “we” are their plan ….
anyways… it was a bit heated and we kinda dropped it… but just wondering if anyone else has talked about it or if you have strong opinions about it but doesnt know what your SO thinks? 😛