Did you wait until your wedding night? Why?

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: did you wait?
    Yes, religious reasons : (11 votes)
    11 %
    No : (89 votes)
    86 %
    Yes, non religious reasons : (3 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 2
    852 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    I often thought i wanted to wait until marriage and didn’t lose my virginity until quite old (24) but I am actually glad that it ended up working out that way as the guy I was with didnt turn out to be very compatible and sex was terrible and painful for ages and he wasn’t very patient. I then met my now Fi and it was so different! I just felt so relaxed and he encouraged me to find out what felt good. originally i felt so bad as i had wanted to just be with one person and placed a lot of pressure on waiting but in hindsight I’m glad the awkward phase is over and that my wedding night won’t be filled with the pressure or high expectations that I originally had. Plus I can go in knowing that we are truly compatible in every way. I had also waited in previous relationships that didnt work out but that wasn’t due to the waiting, just generally we weren’t compatible. I think the right guy won’t be the one to pressure you and will probably share the same values anyway. I’ve never been quick to jump into bed and i think in a way it can screen a lot of the dodgy guys who are only after one thing.

    Post # 3
    1431 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    I intended to wait originally, but ended up having sex with my first boyfriend. Not waiting did impact a few of my relationships since I knew what I wanted sexually and wasn’t compatible with one of my exes. However, I don’t regret it.

    Post # 4
    8925 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Nope. I didn’t wait, I never intended to wait. I was raised Catholic and became Atheist at a young age. Sexual compatibility is incredibly important to me, and while SOME things can be “learned”, if two people are incompatible in one of the most intimate ways two people can be, then you’re going to have a lot of issues down the line. “Test driving the car” so to speak. I would never marry someone that I had not slept with and knew their sex “style” because being compatible in this sense is important to me. I would never compromise on intimacy.

    Post # 5
    3626 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    birchstring33:  I waited until I found the right guy, and that’s just as good as waiting until your wedding night, IMO. I lost my virginity muchhhhhhhh later than any of my friends, but I waited until I met my FI and I’m happy I did. I only ever wanted to be with one person and luckily, FI ended up being the love of my life. I think it’s extremely important to know that you are going to be compatible sexually. Is sex everything? No. But nothing beats being intimate with your SO and if you can’t sync up with your partner, you’re going to be in big trouble. For the first few weeks of being with FI, I had no idea what I was doing, just a general sense, so it all felt a little wonky, but eventually we clicked. It’s so incredibly important to know that this person you are vowing your life to is someone whom you can be very intimate with. You don’t want to find out after you’re married that it just isn’t going to work. 

    Post # 6
    4528 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    I planned on waiting, then threw it away at age 21. After that I decided to wait for true love and my next and final partner is FI. I don’t judge either way, but for me, I made the wrong decision because it led to regret. If I could change it I’d have waited for FI 

    Post # 7
    4528 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    My cousin had a no touching courtship and engagement and I can’t even imagine. Not only did wedding guests witness their first kiss, it was actually their first physical contact ever. For me, I can’t imagine repressing that side of myself for so long and then being expected to flip a switch and embrace it.

    Post # 8
    176 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    I didn’t wait. Honestly, your first time probably won’t be that good, so I feel bad for people who are waiting until their wedding night to have some magical experience. It’s not lol. Especially with two inexperienced people, lots of fumbling and uncertainty and might be painful.

    Post # 9
    613 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I didn’t wait. My first serious boyfriend and I had sex and were very sexually incompatible. We were very attracted to each other, very in love and I was sure it would be amazing and it was awful! very painful, and he was very impatient/pressuring when I needed him to slow down/wait due to pain and discomfort. I’m so glad I found that out in that relationship when I did. 

    FI and I have an amazing sexual chemistry which is so important to me. I could never imagine marrying someone without knowing for certain that we were compatible sexually as intimacy is such an important part of sustaining a relationship and marriage. 

    Post # 10
    7413 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

    Well, seeing as how it happened on our first date and then we continued dating for 7 1/2 years before our engagement.. there was definitely no waiting. I couldn’t imagine it any other way. I don’t think you truly know someone until you know them intimately. 

    Post # 11
    804 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    I am waiting primarily due to religious reasons.  It’s been a lot harder than I thought it would be and I’ve done a lot more than I EVER said I would (I was of the kissing only school of thought) but I have only done those things with my soon to be husband.  I also dont judge people who have chosen differently (my fiance didn’t wait for me) because it is a deeply personal decision.

    Post # 12
    568 posts
    Busy bee

    I had originally planned to wait until marriage due to my Christian faith. I started to rethink things after being with my boyfriend for over a year. It became clear that we truly loved each other and desired to spend the rest of our lives together. We ended up making love after being together for over two years. We made our decision based on the fact that we loved each other and were committed to spending the rest of our lives together. 

    Post # 13
    11177 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I waited for religious reasons as well as many (to me) very logical and practical ones. However, the primary and foundational motivation was because I believe God forbids sexual activity outside of a God-ordained, marriage covenant.

    Was it difficult to wait? I would have to answer that it was NOT difficult for me to wait for nudity or intercourse. However, when I was younger, I definitely did go beyond kissing in some of my relationships, doing some things that I believe also are sinful and against God’s plan.  However, by the time I met my DH, I was fully committed to doing things God’s way, and my DH was also. Because of this, we did not go beyond kissing in our relationship until after our wedding. Keeping that standard was, at times, very difficult. However, I am very thankful that, with God’s help, we were successful in waiting.

    Post # 14
    1997 posts
    Buzzing bee

    birchstring33:  Yes. We waited  for religious reasons. It was deadly hard because we dated for 4 years before we got married and knew pretty much right at the beginning of dating that we were going to get married. The timing was bad though. We were both still in college and he wanted to have a stable career before we got married. But I’m so glad we waited. Like you I couldn’t imagine it any other way.

    Post # 15
    1997 posts
    Buzzing bee

    greenmile12:  My wedding night was amazing actually. The first few time did hurt, but I was expecting it, which probably made it easier. But I was so happy to finally be able to be intimate with my husband that I really didn’t care!

    I do think it’s important for people to know what to expect though. And it’s sometimes not painful. But at least expect it.

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