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I have and 18 year old in her 1st year of college. I understand that she is adjusting to college life, so I agreed to send her $100 a week for the first year of college for spending money. Then I said she needs to get a job and take care of extra expenses on her own (gas, clothes, toiletries, entertainment, etc). But I don't think she's gotten it yet. She continues to ask me for money for extra things. I already pay for her cell phone, car insurance, medical and dental, and said I would continue those.
I personally have WORKED for everything I have since I was 15 years old. In high school I paid my own gas and bought my own clothes from the money I earned from babysitting and after school jobs. By my senior year in HS I worked full time after school. And during my college years I had two children and still worked full time.
Did you work while in college? If you didn’t, can you help explain to me the perspective my daughter might be having, which is that it’s too hard to do both or that she can’t find a job that also fits her school schedule?
At this point, I am sticking to my agreement of $100 a month until June then just good ‘ol tough love of saying “No. Get a job”.
I worked full time to get my associate's degree (nursing). Then, a year after graduating, I went back for my bachelor's and worked 2 jobs while going to school. I loved feeling independent and knowing I never had to take a dime from my parents, so for me personally it was kind of a pride thing.
I worked about 20 hrs a week my last 3 years of college. I didn't work my freshman year--too busy adjusting to college life!
I only worked during the summers when there was no class. I was able to save up some money this way that I would spend during the school year. A lot of people work during college and a lot of people don't. I suppose it all depends on the financial situation of the person. I think it is easier to be focused on school when you don't have any outside obligations, but I know plenty of people who can manage both. I've heard it said that if you do work during school, you should not work more than 15 hours per week.
I worked for part of the time I was in college. The first part I relied on my college loan to make ends meet (I was a single parent at the time). The second part I worked full time while taking a full course load. Man that really sucked but I did do it.
I think if you can afford to help her out on some of her needs, that is really nice. But I do agree that she should be covering her wants.
@accorn: A week. And I should mention that her tuition already includes three meals a day. So it isn't for food. It is simply for anything else she wants/needs, such as makeup, toiletries, going out with friends, gas money, clothes, etc. I want her to learn the value of money and how to budget.
@111111: I worked at a job that was able to deal with my student schedule. Luckily, it was a paid internship, so I was able to work in my field, make money, and not have to sacrifice school for it. That really is the way to go if she is able to swing something like that. From my freshman year to my senior year I gained real world experience as a graphic designer in an office setting. If that is not an option for her, what about student working? She may not make tangible money, but it will go toward her tuition...
I also started working when I was 15 and continued working all through college. Sometimes it was hard to have so much going on but it definitely taught me a lot about how to spend my money wisely. I was sometimes jealous of other people who didn't work at all and had so much free time but I'm definitely glad looking back that I did it.
I didn't work my first semester and a half since I went a good distance away to a city I didn't know. I was just getting adjusted. However, I didn't ask for many "extras" from my mom either. I started out with one job and ended up working 2 by my junior year because I discovered that I liked earning my own money. I paid my own insurance, my own cell phone bill, my own gas, and all my own entertainment/food/extras. I'm still in my 20's and I'm really glad that I did work. Even though it's not the same as when you're out on your own completely independant, it really helped me gain an understanding of what to expect!
Stand your ground! Once the money stops, she'll understand what you're saying!
a) $100 a week is incredibly generous. My mom gave me $100 a month and I felt like it was Christmas every time I got that money deposited into my account.
b) I worked throughout college. From 20-40 hours a week. Sometimes it meant I didn't get to have as much "fun" as my peers, because I'd have to go to bed on a Wednesday night instead of drink beers or watch a movie-- which was really fine by me. In the summertime I worked from 40-80 hours a week at multiple jobs, so I could make money and have a little padding during the school year.
That said, I was horrible at managing money. I spend all of my paychecks and have no savings from my entire 4 years in college. I had a great time, went to concerts and drank on the weekends, but I wish I'd managed that money a little better.
Also my jobs filled out my resume. I'm now in grad school and have friends who have never held down a steady job or anything more than seasonal work-- they don't look marketable, have trouble finding good jobs now, and just don't have skills they should have already learned.
I think you're being incredibly generous to your daughter, but she should invest in a money-management class or learn how to save. You are right in saying "no" to her excess spending habits-- she should learn to make the $100 work for what she needs.
I didn't work my freshman year, which I think was for the best because it was tough adjusting to being away from home and the work loads. However, every year and all of the summer/winter breaks after that I did work - often two jobs. I worked for my campus's food services department in a dining hall and several "snack bars" as well as at a few dorms as a front desk assistant. My senior year, I interned at the university's publishing press for the summer then was offered a work-study position there during the school year.
The experience was invaluable - not only did I learn how to balance my time when it came to making sure my school work was complete, but I learned a ton about being responsible AND built up my resumé which helped me find jobs after graduation.
My mom did help me pay rent during school because there's no way I could have afforded that with the measeley amount of pay I was receiving, but I paid for all of my groceries and other expenses. And because I had so much work experience by the time I graduated, I was able to land a part-time job less than 3 months later and a full-time two months after that, so no later than 6 months after college I was a completely self-sufficient adult.
I think what you're doing will absolutely benefit your daughter. She might call it "unfair" now, but she'll look back on her days working a crap job to support herself with pride and gratefulness.
I worked about 15 hours a week during semesters and full time during breaks. I took out loans for everything I couldn't pay because my parents couldn't afford to give me any money.
I worked though highschool on evenings and weekends but only worked on breaks during university. I worked over Christmas, reading week, thankgiving, easter etc. I probably could have worked but I preferred to focus on school...maybe the odd weekend. My job was really flexible and allowed this though, it's not an option for everyone. $100/week (what you initally said) should be more than sufficient if you're already paying her tuition, cell, car insurance etc.
I worked during the summer and that usually gave me enough spending money for the year. I worked the last semester of my senior year but classes were a joke at that point. I don't think my parents gave me more than $200 total through 4 yrs of college...
I didn't really work during the regular school year, but in the summer I would work three jobs and about 50-60 hours per week to save up for the school year. I worked my ass off! Also, my college had 6 week winter breaks (finished finals before Thanksgiving, went back to start 2nd trimester after New Year's). During that time, I would work for about 4 weeks at my old job to make additional money.
Being in an honors program at school, I had such a rigorous class schedule that I didn't have time to work (or the mental capacity). Thus, I was a really busy worker bee in the summer.
Through undergrad, I worked 15-25 hours a week lifeguarding and teching swimming lessons.
In law school, in first year I worked on Sundays at the pool. I had to give it up after that because it was too stressful with all the school work I had.
I didn't work (I was taking twenty hours every semester), but I only got $200 per month, and I usually had cash left over. If your daughter needs more than $100 per week, she needs to get a job.
Can I ask what major she is and how much coursework she's taking? Not to disparage anyone, but the business major with 12 units will have a lot more flexibility than the pre-med with 18.
I worked in undergrad, but it was all grading or admin stuff that I could do on my own time and work around my class schedule. I didn't do much my first year, but by the end it was at least 20 hours a week. I was taking quite a few units and several sciences at once, and working 10-20 hours on a set schedule would have had a really negative impact on my grades.
Now that I'm in grad school with about 30 units a term, working is out of the question. I don't sleep enough as is.
I worked all through university. The first 2 years I worked 20 hours a week. In 3rd and 4th year I got a job as a teaching assistant so my pay almost tripled. I worked only 8 hours a week which in reality was more like 4 because they paid me to mark and meet with students but I didn't hold office hours (my professor didn't want us to).
Working 20 hours a week was really hard for me especially because I was commuting an hour each way to get to my university. I was very lucky to get that TA job, it gave me so much more time to focus on school.
I know many people who could not adjust to working and going to school. A friend of mine who is working on her PhD right now only worked during the summers and applied for scholarships. She would budget out her money for the year so that she could focus on school and being involved in extra-curriculars.
Maybe she can try to get a job on campus? If not, make it clear that whatever she earns in the summer is for her to use for the rest of the year.
Also one of the nicest things my mom told me, one time when I overdrew my bank account and had to come home crying about finances, was that "everyone in college is poor." Eating ramen and scraping by and learning the value of money is part of the college experience. You learn to drink 40s instead of real beer and to trade going-out clothes with the girl down the hall. You trade back your textbooks for cash and spend too much money on Starbucks late at night in the library.
@tranquility: Like so many others, I was a complete single parent from the time my children where toddlers. I raised them and paid for everything on my own (and with the help of my family). Now that they are getting older, I would like them to be less dependent on me so that I can now start focusing on putting my efforts (and money) into saving for my retirement. So yes, I certainly can continue to help her, but I also want to start thinking about me now, so that I can be safe and secure in the older years of my life. Starting to save for retirement in my late 30's feels a lot behind the game. So that is where I am coming from.
@111111: Wow, that is overly generous in my opinion. I can be very frugal and I did not work- I did have money of my own. I rented my car to my brother and sister for 200 a month and made money through my breeding of persians and occasional odd jobs such as babysitting. The only actual job I had was at a grocery store and I hated it- they scheduled me during class times and I was miserable whenever I worked so I quit but I knew that meant that I would have to be significantly more careful with my money.
Usually my budget for the month including fun things was 200-250. I will admit that it did help that I had a boyfriend who would pay for going out. And first semester when I was just dating I spend almost no money what so ever. My mom also liked to buy me toilet paper (she still does this when I visit- I live 6 hours away from her).
I did not have a meal plan so I had to buy groceries but I did not use my car (rented to brother and sister) so I didn't have to worry about gas.
@All In: Thanks. That helps and supports my own feelings of listening to her and helping her out for her first year while she adjusts.
I am currently part time in college and work full-time. I am actually going to quit my job within the next month or so to attend college full time but I will be working full-time running my Etsy business from home. I have a husband and a home I have to support so I can't not work unfortunately. I will however be taking a small school loan to help out in case business is slow.
I worked through college. I also paid for my own schooling. I went to a community college so it was cheaper (obviously) than an University. But, if I needed extra money my parents would help out.
Once I got to my second year of college I was working full time during the day in an office and went to school full time at night. It was more important to me to get work experience and pay for my own life than to go to school. It ended up taking me longer to complete school because I could only handle the working full time plus school full time for so long, but I got my Associates Degree in the end, and was able to show work experience on my resume.
Sure I started at the bottom, but I worked hard and made my own way, and I'm proud of myself for that.
I worked my junior and senior year of college only because I lived off campus and my parents informed me that in order to continue to do this, I would be responsible for any outside bills (cable, phone, etc.) They still paid college expenses and rent.
@111111: I worked all four years of college, plus my junior & senior years in high school, and two years of grad school - and I never had a problem juggling everything. Learning how to manage time, as well as money, is extremely important.
I commuted to college & grad school so I was on my own for most meals. Granted I lived at home with my parents so they still provided most food and shelter, and also paid for my car/insurance. For everything else I was on my own, which seems like a similar situation to what your daughter is experiencing - and if my parents had given me $100 a week I would have been in shock. That seems like a lot of money to be giving an 18 year old each week when all of the necessities are already covered, IMHO.
I definitely think she needs to start finding a way to bring in her own income, otherwise she is going to become dependent on you and it's going to become even harder to stop giving her money as time goes on.
Other: I worked while I was in college but part time. I worked two jobs every summer but the two summers that I had an internship I worked my paying job only very limited hours. During the school year I worked for a football stadium so I worked all the football and soccer games and other events they had. It was still limited so my Dad would give me some money whenever I went home to help me out and he kept my Dunkin Donuts card filled lol. I went to school in a city and my parents didn't like the idea of me working at night and walking back in the dark so they were very helpful and I would pay for as much as I could myself.
I commuted my senior year because it was only 3 months long so as soon as I moved back home my Dad stopped giving me money, way before I got a job. So while I received a lot of help while in classes I have not had any help for several years and I am paying for all of my college myself.
I waited tables during the summers and made $8K a year, which is what I lived on when I was in college. My mother did help with my cell phone/car insurance/rent and my scholarships covered tuition, but the day-to-day was all on me. I liked it better that way - more freedom for what I was spending my $ on :)
ETA: Ididn't work while semester was in because my course load was especially challenging (sciences at 18 credit hours a semester) and I couldn't make it work scheduling-wise.
Next semester have her sign up for a student worker position. Most colleges and universities allow FT students to work at least 20 hrs. on campus. It will save transportation costs, give her over $100 a week towards expenses and student workers are given a lot of leeway for exams etc.
I was a student worker at all three of the college and two universities I attended. It looks great on a resume and the extra change comes in handy. And I was a non-traditional student!
The problem most likely is that she sees other students where Mommy and Daddy pay for everything and then some. And just between you and me (and I am a college professor now), professors have a bit of disdain for such students - we have far more respect for students with a work ethic. Time for your daughter to learn that not all parents are made of money and she has to shoulder some of the load.
@111111: $100 a week is a lot of money! What is she spending it on if she doesn't have to pay for food?
I worked about 15 hours a week every year (including freshman year), while taking 15-18 credits each semester. My mom gave me no money, save for the occasional load of groceries or semester's worth of books.
My parents paid for my actual college, but I paid for things like entertainment, eating out, toiletries, clothes, etc all from my own money. I worked at an on-campus job for spending $$$.
@rubyroad10: She is studing muscial theater and is in a school about 30 minutes away from Disneyland. So I am really hoping she can get a weekend job, or something like that, performing as a princess or in one of the parades.
But yes, I agree, finding even a small part time job... well besides the money, I think it's also really important to start building a job resume and being ahead of the game when you do complete college... if it's possible for the student to do both.
Wow $100 is nice! My dad gave me $200/month MAYBE, as in if I really begged him for it! So that was $50/week and that really only covered my gas and groceries (if that)
I have been working since I was 14 and that didnt stop in college. I did a lot of babysitting for families that lived close to campus, I worked at a card and candy shop (like a Hallmark store) for a few months, I worked at Marshalls and I was a nanny during the summer while I lived at school. My dad always required that I have a job! I paid for my own clothes, going out/eating out money, movies, etc.
@111111: I do not regret not working while in college except for the fact that I only have volunteer work on my resume.
Even if you don't need the money- resume building is important.
I was fortunate that my parents were willing to pay for school and everything else. Except the minute I turned 16, had a car, I got a job at the mall. I liked having financial freedom. My parents weren't grilling me every time I wanted to go out and rationing my gas money. They still paid for my car insurance, the car, and everything else. But I paid for all my extras. In college my parents didn't want me to work and wanted me to focus on school, but I just couldn't do it. I like having my own money and being able to buy things without having to justify it or feeling guilty for using my parents' money. I worked part time for abotu 10-20 hours a week. My school work did not suffer, in fact I graduated a year early.
I think that always earning my own money on these "extras" has taught me more about needs versus wants. I have friends now at the age of 27 that still don't get it because their parents just keep giving them money whenever they ask for it.
I worked "on campus" jobs during college, grading paper and working at the reception desk. Working for the university was great, you get all the school breaks and they're nice to you during finals. I would encourage her to look for a job along those lines. And also, it is very possible--I graduated in 3 years so I was taking 17-19 credits a semester (mostly advanced math/stat courses nonetheless), and still managed to work up to 20 hrs a week.
It's probably not what you want to hear, but she probably doesn't feel the need to work because she's set. Entertainment is cheap in college, $5 gets you into a party for a whole evening of entertainment. If you continue to give her $100 a week, at least make her budget and use that for necessary expenses that you are currently paying for.
I started working summers in high school when I was 14 and paid for all of my own clothes and entertainment. For my first two years of college, I worked only summers. However, I waitressed in a really popular restaurant in a tourist area and made enough to cover most of my expenses for the year. (My tuition, food plan, & dorm was paid for by my grandparents trust). Once I got an apartment, I was on my own for rent, food, etc, so I worked summers and during the year as well. I worked 3-4 days a week and went to school and was able to do it just fine. However, I will say that it was great for me to not have to work during the school year the first year. It was definitely an adjustment going to college and having a much heavier work load for school, so I'm glad that I didn't have to balance work and school for that adjustment period.
I would say that the majority of my college friends didn't work at all, which I never understood (I hated relying on my parents for spending money). Some of them had very part time internships (unpaid and paid), but never had a job that paid the bills. They spent their free time partying, while I spent mine working. So they really weren't using their extra time to do better in school. In this bad economy I think that it made it harder for some of them to get jobs after graduation as well, because they had never even held down a restaurant/retail position to give them work experience.
@111111: Sounds like she will have a heavy extracurricular load- but have her look into jobs around the theater/stage-- working on the set or lighting or in a theater close to her school. Disney is another GREAT option-- that would look amazing on her resume and she'd make a lot of good contacts.
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