Post # 1
I’m wondering if we should write our own vows. It seems like just another thing to worry about, try to memorize (I don’t want to have to stand there with a piece of paper unless my mind goes absolutely blank, which I know is a possibility), and plan. BUT, this whole thing is about getting married after all, right? Not about the decorations and my shoes etc. So if I’m putting any effort toward anything, it should probably be the promise we are making to cherish each other.
So, did you write your own vows? How long did it take & how hard was it? Are you glad you did or didn’t?
Post # 3
We are writing our own vows. Haven’t had our wedding yet, but I highly doubt we will regret this.
It feels more sincere and heartfelt. I always disliked the idea of repeating the traditional vows after the officiant.
Post # 4
It was important to my FI and I to have the traditional vows, so thats the way we are going and we are excited! We might write our own for a future big anniversary or something. I know that there are books and templates about writing your own vows- which may help to get you started and gets those thoughts going 🙂 good luck!!!
Post # 5
We wrote our vows about a week before the wedding, following a template we found so they’d be equal in length and similar in theme. It was my absolute favorite part of the wedding and our guests had such sweet things to say about what we had written. It was not hard at all, we got basic ideas down quickly and we just worked on making the language flow and be easy to read.
I had mine basically memorized by the day of the wedding, though I had them written out in front of me so I wouldn’t get tripped up. I read mine first, which began the waterworks, and my husband completely sobbed through reading his. It wonderful to speak so honestly about one another in front of our loved ones.
Since our wedding, I think about what we said to each other in our vows frequently!
Post # 6
@JLR1982: This is a deeply personal choice I believe.
I am neither religious, nor traditional. I wrot my entire ceremony, so writing our own vows was the only way for us to go.
I’m glad I did, but I’m a very private person, so it was very daunting for me to write something so personal that had to be shared with everyone I know! It was very difficult, but so worth it!
I actually wrote a letter for my DH for him to read during our first look, stuff I wanted to share with him, and just him.
There are so many options, and yes you can have both. My friend lost her father very close to her wedding, so in his memory she opted for a traditional ceremony, but you can still share your own personal vows with your FI at some other pointi during your day, if you don’t want to share with everyone, or you don’t want to choose between traditional vs writing your own vows 🙂
Post # 7
We had a Catholic ceremony with a twist. We didn’t write our own vows, but we did personalise our own ceremony, and I’m so glad we did!
People don’t realise just how much you can personalise even the most religious of ceremonies. I put a lot of effort into it… months of discussions with the priest… and I’m so glad.
After all, the main thing is the actual marriage ceremony, right? That’s the bit where you actually get married! So yes, I’d totally want it to reflect me.
Post # 8
I want to personalize ours based off of the traditional ones…don’t want to do the standard ones, but we may still do some repeating, having the officiant read them. Not sure yet. I just don’t want to have to pull something out to read or worrying about memorizing them. I am not fan of the self-written “vows” that are actually just speeches about how wonderful the other person is.
Post # 9
@JLR1982: Yes we did, and I’m glad that we did it. I am not much of a writer or a poet, so I was a bit nervous about it, but I felt that what marriage means to us/what we are promising to each other is the MOST IMPORTANT part of what we were doing on that day, so I wanted to make sure we were being mindful of it.
Here was our process.
1) We knew that we wanted to work on the vows together, and have the same vows. We see it as what we’re promising to one another, not as a surprise love letter, so it seemed critical that we have some discussion and do it together.
2) I searched the internet and prepared a bunch of samples that we could read and use as starter material. The samples included both traditional and personal examples. I found some good resources by just googling around, and other good ones on A Practical Wedding.
3) Ultimately, we found one sample that really resonated with us, and started with some of their ideas.
4) Then we dicussed our ideas. What marriage meant to us, and what our ideal marriage looked like.
5) We worked the above items 3 and 4 into something that resonated with us.
6) At the end it felt like there was something missing, so we decided to each write a personal intro that would talk a little bit about how we got to this day. That part WAS a surprise, and WAS more love letter-y. It wasn’t the meat and potatoes of the vows, but it was really sweet and personal. Writing that part was more nerve wracking for me, but we ultimately each got our inspiration and did a good job.
There is an awesome series of posts on APW about writing vows: http://apracticalwedding.com/2013/02/sample-wedding-vows/
Post # 10
We didn’t technically write ours, but we did piece together things online that we liked. We read them off a piece of paper, I knew I wouldn’t be able to memorize anything and they were kind of long so we didn’t want to repeat them. So I guess no we didn’t write them, but we personalized them! And side note, I am a crier and I cried so much I could hardly talk and could barely read the words on my paper! Haha
Post # 11
@JLR1982: We are writing our own vows. Mine are done, though I’m sure I will tweak them. I am almost positive FI hasn’t started on his. I feel it would be entirely meaningless to repeat words that someone else wrote and everyone says. I would feel like a robot, which is how I always felt when I was forced to go to church as a kid.