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That's a good question. I had a bridesmaid in CO and another in CA, but my matron of honor ended up just ordering both together at the same time because it worked out best for us, and my other bridesmaid paid her back. So they were from the same dye lot. I was like you, I wouldn't have minded a slight difference. In fact, our flower girl didn't match exactly, and then the girls didn't match the boys perfectly anyway. I don't imagine it would be a huge difference, even if it was a different dye lot -- otherwise why bother giving the color a name? =)
I guess I'm not too much help, since I don't have experience with it, but I don't think it can be that bad. If they order at the same time from different stores, but they all get ordered from the same dress designer, it'll probably be from the same dye lot anyway!
Yes that is correct. They should order from place at the same time so that they can be cut from the same fabric. I dont know how much the color will vary.
We ordered our bridesmiad dresses from perfectbridal.com - they were AWESOME! They were about $50 cheaper than the bridal salon and they came earlier than anticipated! I would highly recommend using them!
Yes - - that is correct.
I was in my bff's wedding in 2006 and we (her bm's) were all over the map. She didn't have us order our dresses together from the same store. We wore navy Vera Wang floor length bm dresses and all of our navy's were indeed different. It was pretty funny - in the long run its proof - order the bm dresses all together from the same dye lot you won't have that problem, it did look cool though 
I'll let you know in 18 days. My BMs not only ordered from different states (PA and CA), but one ordered at Easter and one just over a month ago. So if there's going to be differences in the dye lots, we'll have it.
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I was told by my dress shop and then I read it in a bridal book that bridesmaids should all order their dresses from the same place at the same time because then they are all made from the same dye lot.
Is this a valid concern? I have three bridesmaids in AZ (where we're getting married), 1 in California, one in New York and one in Maryland. I've like them to be able to get their dress wherever is cheapest/most convenient for them. Plus, some bridesmaids have incentives from getting them from stores other than where I'd prefer them to buy from - the one in NY can get 15 percent off at a local store, the one in MD can get free alterations at this local store, the ones in AZ have a local store that sells them much cheaper than here in MD where I live ... get my drift?
Do *slight* color variations actually show up in photos/on the day of the wedding? I'm not really crazed about slight color variations, but is it something that will drive me crazy?