Did your husband understand your pregnancy?

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
1416 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@megz06:  i dont think it really sets in for them until they see you waddling with that big old belly. Tell him your symptoms and how youre feeling so he can understand a little better. Maybe show him the development every week that will really get him interested. 

Post # 4
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Sorry you’re having this frustration. I don’t think a man can truly understand what a pregnant woman goes through, but we can do our best to describe to them how we’re feeling.

I had to flat out tell my husband if I was exhausted or nauseaus. He was surprisingly good at catching on and would more and more frequently ask how I was feeling.

I think it’s also not good to complain about how you feel ALL the time though. That gets irritating to anyone, and they’re sure enough block it out. Just have a conversation with him, letting him know that you’re currently tired, nauseated and overwhelmed, and that it’s going to last for a while (like, the whole first trimester…and it will return again in the 3rd!).

Post # 5
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@megz06:  When I started feeling sick all day at like week 4 or 5, he was like it’s way too early for symptoms, stop being a baby! Then, I sent him a few little articles that backed me up that I wasn’t being a baby (I am a totally baby when I don’t feel well and he knows it).  So, after that he was like okay, I guess you’re not exaggerating. He’s been great ever since and now just feels really bad for me and guilty that he played a role in making me feel like crap. 

Just try and explain how you are feeling and come up with a plan for doing chores, etc. (e.g., he takes out the dog when he wakes up even if the dog isn’t sleeping). 

Post # 6
Member
4413 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I don’t think they ever really GET it — you just have to start being really proactive in asking for help. I am over seven months now and have quite a large belly. I struggle to move around in certain ways, especially things that involve bending over or lifting/carrying much of anything up and down the stairs because I have no core strength left. But DH still doesn’t really jump up and help me unless I actually ask him. After a few times of me angrily moving the clothes from the washer to the dryer (a task that, of course, involves a certain amount of lifting AND a certain amount of bending over) and then being pissed at him for not automatically doing it for me, we talked about it and realized that he just will never fully get it and I need to ask him to help me. He’s MORE than happy to help when asked, and completely understands that I NEED help, but he just doesn’t think to do it on his own, you know?

So, I think at this point, your best bet is to just change your expectations a little and understand that your husband may never fully get it and be jumping up to grab things for you. Instead, you just need to ask him for help a lot, even when it seems stupid (like last night when the dish towel fell off the oven handle and onto the floor. I asked DH to pick it up for me, because eff bending all the way over like that). My husband has never once grumbled that I “ought” to be able to carry the fan up and down the stairs or that it’s “stupid” that I can’t pick up a damn dish towel — he just does it when I ask, like a good  boy 🙂

Post # 7
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My husband does not baby me at all. He helps me with things that I physically can’t do, such as carrying a large basket of laundry, or lifting things that are heavy.  As far as letting the puppy out, if I can get up to do it, I do.  I am 9 months pregnant, and huge as can be and the puppy is not crated at night, therefore she wakes me up 2-3 times to go out per night.  Sometimes I wish he would offer to get up everytime to do it, but he doesnt. ALSO, I cook some meals and clean just as I always have.  My ankles are enormous, my back hurts, and I am dead tired after I work for 9 hours, and walk 2 miles to and from our parking spot (downtown Pittsburgh).

With that being said, and this is not an attack, I find it frustrating that some people complain about having to do simple tasks, early on in pregnancy, when some people have it way worse than others.  Sometimes I am so tired, and my carpal tunnel acts up so bad I can’t turn door knobs, and I am frustrated.  BUT, the doctors always say they want you to stay active unless you are specifically told to rest.  Some women run miles during pregnancy, some just walk.  I am happy my husband doesn’t baby me and let me get away with complaining about being tired, I am extremely healthy, my baby is impressing the doctors each appointment with her growth, and my activity level has kept my blood pressure at the proper levels. Without being just as active as I was before, I know I would have gained a ton of weight and put my baby at risk.

I think unless someone is actively throwing up or being forced to do things outside of doctors orders, that we need to accept the fact that we put this on ourselves just as much as our significant others did, and there is no way they will ever understand what it is like.  I mean, did any of us understand before we got pregnant? We think we do but really it is something you have to experience on your own before we get a good grasp.  I am just happy to have a husband that loves me, is excited for our baby, and pushes me to stay active and healthy.  I’m not disabled, I am pregnant, and some requests from pregnant women are just too much for me to understand.

Post # 8
Member
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

He’ll never truly understand…I don’t think men can.  My husband is the same way and he’s just now starting to touch my belly and telling me to take it easy.  I’m 14 weeks.  Needless to say, it took a little while, but not too long.  Good luck and feel better!

Post # 9
Member
1021 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

@jdashiell17:  I agree with you. Even at my most tired/nauseous, I always made an effort to keep doing things for myself and for my husband. First, because I was convinced that if I stopped doing things, I may never be able to start again, and second, because I know there will be a time when I will REALLY need help, and I don’t want my husband to already feel used and abused when that time comes.

My husband has been amazing throughout my entire pregnancy, so maybe I’m also just lucky. He is the kind to over-offer to help. If I’m on the couch and say I’m getting up to get some water, he’s immediately says “don’t get up, your’e pregnant, I’ll get it.” I love that he offers, but I’d rather get it myself because I can, so there’s no reason for him to get off his comfy behind to do it for me.

I also go out of my way to do nice things for him, and when I do, he makes me feel like Superwoman because I’m thinking of him while I’m carrying our child, it gives him bragging rights with his friends who all have crabby/demanding pregnant wives, and it makes him feel appreciated, which in turn makes me feel good about making him happy. 

So yeah, that’s my story….

 

Post # 11
Member
4413 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@megz06:  sounds like a plan 🙂  And for the record, I have been tremendously active throughout my pregnancy and will continue to do so right up til I can’t anymore. I work out five days a week and hike miles and miles on the weekends. I am in better shape than my husband.

It’s still his job to pick up the f***ing dish towel off the floor Wink

Post # 13
Member
10384 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Have you been communicating about what you’re going through? He can’t read your mind. Seems like you’re falling down on your relationship communication duties!

Post # 14
Member
3677 posts
Sugar bee

One thing I saw someone suggest on another thread, for helping partners to “get” it, is to explain that (for some women, at least) the first trimester can be kind of like having a three-month hangover. Maybe that would help him relate to what it feels like for you?

Post # 15
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@megz06:  I get what you are saying, but I personally find it extremely hard to complain about things when people in my everyday life are suffering from things way worse that just being tired and achy from pregnancy.  Or how about the people trying desperatly to get pregnant. I don’t think it is anything like “Saying you shouldn’t complain because someone has it worse than you is like saying someone can’t be happy because someone always has it better.” is similar to this situation at all.

Post # 16
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

and I don’t ever think anything is my husbands “job”. He would never put that type of demand on me, and I would not do it to him.  I am fully capable of picking up a towel off of the floor… until my Doctor tells me not to lol

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