Did your mom work?

posted 3 years ago in Parenting
  • poll: Did your mom work?
    Yes, and I'm grateful : (244 votes)
    55 %
    Yes, and I would have liked her to be a SAHM : (26 votes)
    6 %
    No, and I'm grateful : (99 votes)
    22 %
    No, and I would have liked for her to have a job. : (29 votes)
    6 %
    Other : (49 votes)
    11 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2163 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @bebero:  You should add an “other”. My mom is foreign; my dad was in the military and married her overseas, then brought her to the US. He wouldn’t let her work.

    That really kinda screwed everything up because she had no work experience and couldn’t drive a car when he left her for someone else, and left her with three kids. She also barely spoke english.

    My stepdad fortunately came along to save us. Mom started working when I was almost out of elementary school and was injured at the factory she worked at. She sued them and got an education out of it, but the college classes she took were really freaking hard for her, since she only made it to 9th grade in her country and the college professors spoke too quickly for her to keep up. She became a preschool teacher four years later.

    My mom has always been over-the-top wonderful as a parent. She never sent us to school without a hot breakfast and always did the best she could for us, even though we were poor. At times she was a SAHM, but for over a decade she’s been working…and work never stopped her from having a clean house and well-fed children. All of us kids are still really close to her.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3394 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    @bebero:  Mine did, but she was a single Mom from the time I was 7, so she really didn’t have a choice. But she worked before that anyway. The good part was that she worked at my school, so if I was sick or needed something I could just trot down to her office. And she had all the same holidays off as me and my sister.

    ETA: I’m glad she did since we would have been destitute if she hadn’t. But if money wasn’t as issue I wish she would have stayed home with me when I was a baby. She went back to work when I was 3 weeks old because my Dad had been hurt and was out of work. I suppose this may have played some part in the fact that we never bonded. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    2163 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @jadlnc:  That sounds pretty perfect for a single mom to work at your school! That’s awesome.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2163 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @bebero:  I know! I mean, I love my dad to pieces but what he did to my mom was wrong. Absolutely no doubt. And my stepdad is great to all of us.

    Post # 8
    Member
    552 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I don’t know what to vote for because my Mom did both.

    My Mom didn’t work when my brother and I were younger. She was a SAHM, and she also babysat a few of our friends who had Moms that worked. In the beginning she wanted to stay at home, but after my brother and I started school I think she would have liked to have a job. We lived in a very small town though, and there just wasn’t any work for her. When I was 7 and my brother was 8 we moved to a much bigger town and she started working. At first she worked part time, doing the books and other odd jobs at our church, and then she became a substitute school secretary, which lead to becoming a full time secretary. I can’t say there was ever much difference between when she was working and when she wasn’t, because she was still home at the same time as us. I think we really got the best of both worlds.

    Post # 9
    Member
    830 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    @bebero:  My mum stayed at home until I was 11 and my little sister was 6. I think if I were an only child, she would have started work sooner (maybe when I was 6).

    Post # 10
    Member
    3394 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    @boogiewoogies:  It was especially nice when I got my period during gym class with a male teacher. lol

    Post # 11
    Member
    351 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Mom worked to supplement our family’s income for 1 year when I was in high school and my dad was starting a new business. Other than that, she was always a SAHM. I’m glad she was there for us. I always felt safe and like I had someone who was there for me. She was loving and nurturing.

    She was also overly involved, and controlling. She based so much of her self-image on me and my siblings that it was weird. If we didn’t look and act like miniature versions of her, she freaked out. She needed a hobby, or a job, or some other activity from which she could derive self-worth.

    So my answer is conflicted. I’m glad she stayed home, but I wish I’d had more space.

    Post # 12
    Member
    473 posts
    Helper bee

    She was the breadwinner, yup. She had always wanted to be a SAHM though and hated working. My dad had health issues and couldn’t really hold down a job because of them. I wish she could have stayed home because I know that was her dream, to be there for her kids everyday. I look back on my childhood and I just remember her being stressed out all the time over three kids, a sick husband, and more bills than money. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    2537 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    I didn’t have a mother growing up so I have no idea.  I had a lot of babysitters until I begged my Dad in 4th or 5th grade to let my younger sister and I catch the bus to school ourselves (my dad got off right around the time we got home from riding the bus).  I hated having babysitters, seriously.  I plan to SAH as much as I can, as of right now it’ll be full-time until they attend school.

    Post # 14
    Member
    342 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I had a SAHM and I’m very grateful for that due to the way she kept the home running when my siblings and I were in need of attention. However, at a certain point I think she should’ve transitioned back into the work force. I could tell she missed having social circles outside of neighbors and church, and a sense of importance besides housework and laundry. She was/is too big of a personality to last long in the same house with the same people every day.

    Post # 15
    Member
    852 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    My Mum gave up work 6 weeks before my older brother was born. She was at home with us until we were both in school, she did work at the nursery we both went to, while we were there and then after when we stated school. Mum was always one of the mothers helping on school trips, or with cookery classes at school. Even when we went up to secondary school she only worked part time (by then Mum and Dad had started a business together) so she was almost always at home when we left for school and when we got home.

    I loved that she was always there for us we were always doing fun and interesting things. She and Dad taught me so many life skills and we were always out and about doing things, and with other kids.

    I would love to do the same for my children. But I now run Mum and Dad’s business with my brother and I’m not sure I would be able to completely give it up. I am hoping when/if the time comes I will be able to work part time and fit the business around caring for Children.

    Post # 16
    Member
    1040 posts
    Bumble bee

    My mom was a stay-at-home-mom NOT by choice. My dad forced her to stay home. She was a bookkeeper and worked after my sister was born, when she was in her early 30’s, but then after her boss died, my dad refused to let her go back to work. 

    After I was born, she tried going to night school, (to learn more about using computers, this was in ’85) and my dad refused to babysit me while she went to school. My sister was 11 years older than me, and being a teenager, she didn’t want to babysit me either. My mom tried bringing me to class with her, but I was about 3 years old, and I caused awful trouble in the classroom.

    I understand a lot of women truly enjoy being a SAHM, but my mother hated it. And it showed. I always asked her to play dolls with me, and she’d say “I’m not your play-mate. Go play by yourself.” …She’d nap in the afternoon, she didn’t take care of her health, and she was miserable. 

    The good parts were, she was always home when I got home from school… she cooked dinner every night, everything was always homemade… but that’s pretty much it. She completely gave up her life. I know she could have left my dad, but she didn’t have anywhere else to go and was too afraid to brave it alone. 

    I’m not having kids until I know I can afford daycare, because if I ever had to be a SAHM, I’d probably kill myself. I can’t imagine a worse hell than being forced to stay at home all day long, 24/7, with no freedom.

    I feel like my mother not-working, gave me an awful disadvantage. I am 28, and only have an Associate’s degree, because I have no sense of what I want to “be,” or “do,” because I never saw my own mother “do” anything. I just saw her give up. When something was too difficult to overcome or figure out, she just gave up. So a lot of my college career has been that: giving up. I’m currently in a 6-year degree program, and I want to give up, but I’m not letting myself… even if it means that I’ll be 34 when I graduate, hey, at least I completed it. I’m forcing myself to finish this. (I’d like to blame a lot of this on my father, who thought that women shouldn’t work, and should be a SAHM. I can’t count the number of times he’s told me, “Well, it’s not your decision whether or not you work, it’s (FI’s name).”)

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