Post # 1
I know for some the blessing thing isn’t their thing. I come from an old fashioned family where it would probably have to happen. I know that my dad would probably say yes and even if he said no we’re still marrying because it’s our decision. Have you ever had then say no? I keep seeing yes to everyone but I know not everyone has that extremely supportive family as well.
Post # 3
@katiecat08: his family was supportive, mine was not. we had an unfortunate set of circumstances right before we got married. i married him anyway. it was sad for me not having my family there for my wedding, esp my dad. i thought i wouldnt care about it at the time, looking back on it i really wish he had been there just bc we will never get that moment back ya know? at the end of the day it was my desicion-and im happy that i stood my ground about it. my mom came to the wedding and she cried and told me i was making a huge mistake!!! Rude!!! in response, i told her if she didnt like it she could leave. it was still a happy day for us-i just wish my family had not been so selfish and celebrated with me on my big day. blessing or no blessing marry who you love!
Post # 4
My dad & my husband are best friends, literally.
I’m not really sure my husband specifically asked my dad before proposing because he already knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that my dad would be just thrilled to have him as an official part of the family.
Post # 5
My family was not supportive, but I’m not particularly close to them anyways so he didn’t even bother to ask. Plus their reasoning to not support the relationship was pretty stupid (he’s white, they’re asian).
Post # 6
I am lucky and grateful that my parents LOVE my FI. My ex was not their favourite and I think they’re glad I met someone better for me. FI did ask for their permission and they said “of course”! My parents are thrilled to have him as part of the family.
Post # 7
@katiecat08: My FH didn’t ask them to because we don’t belive in that. I’m not a piece of property to be handed from my father to my husband so my family doesn’t have to give permission for F to propose. I know that most guys ask the woman’s family because it’s tradition, but it’s a bad tradition from a time when women were property to be traded for land and livestock. I find the act itself disrespectful, but it’s more about the history beind the tradition than anything else.
My family loves FH but I don’t need their blessing and I would be really offended if FH asked my stepdad for permission to propose. My parents welcomed FH into our family (as did everyone else) and that’s all the blessing I need from them. My parents have never tried to meddle in my life – they always voice their concerns resectfully – and so I know they don’t feel like they need to give ‘permission’ for me to get married. The knowledge that my parents respect me as an adult and an individual enough to be proud and supportive no matter what means more to me than any ‘blessing’ ever could.
Post # 8
- Wedding: November 2014 - Serafino Wines
My FI didn’t ask my parents for permission, he more just let them know that he would be doing it. They have an awesome relatonship though. I would not have wanted him to specifically ask for permission to marry me. I will echo a PP when I say that I am not a piece of property to be handed over. Having said that, I am having my father walk me down the aisle. He is not there to “give me away” though, he is simply there for support.
Post # 9
My FI did, and my dad and I both really appreciated the gesture, although I don’t think that would’ve stopped me… Slowed me down to double check all my motives, because my family’s advice and experience is valuable to me, but I can’t say that dad’s disapproval would always stop my decisions.
Also, I’ve never understood or approach the fiance-dad talk to be about property… Yeah its old fashioned and did originate from a more “possessive” cultural mindset. But as a guy takes over the role of “main man” in your life, it just makes sense that he wants the approval of your first “main man” which is usually your dad. Or grandpa or uncle or older brother, as it happens sometimes. I also know a woman who spoke with her fiance’s mother for her blessing before officially accepting his proposal.. Its not about property! Its about the former most important people of your life recognizing the new most important person. But I do get why it makes some peope squirm. 🙂 I squirm a little about my dad walking me down the aisle. I’m just humoring him. He’s really excited about his role in the wedding…. To each her own.
Post # 10
@katiecat08: I didn’t vote because there wasn’t an “Other” option. He didn’t ask, but not because I didn’t want him to. In fact, if he had proposed to me, I made sure he was well aware that I wanted him to not only ask my parents for their blessing, but I wanted him to do so in the way that’s traditional for my culture. Where my family is from, the man doesn’t ask the parents, he sends a representative on his behalf to speak to the bride’s father and ask the the blessing. Basically, having someone else vouch for you. He was going to ask, too, but I beat him to the punch. I proposed to him first. Before I did, though, I invited his parents to lunch when I was in town without him and asked for their blessing. It’s not common or expected in his family to get a blessing, so they were just like, “…why are you asking us? It’s up to him?” It was important to me, though, to know they approved. I would have gone through with it regardless, but it meant a lot to have their blessing.
Post # 11
My fiancé has always been what I’ll call a contemporary gentleman. He did not ask out of obligation, but as a show of respect. My father passed when I was 15, so he sought my mother’s blessing.
And she almost fainted. Seriously.
That’s how welcome he was.
Post # 12
@katiecat08: I chose the third option.
My relationship has revealed a disappointing side of my parents that I hadn’t seen before- they admit that FI is a good man and they treat him cordially and even give him rides when they drive by him, but say he isn’t good enough for me simply because he doesn’t have a degree (like I do) and I should look for somebody else, preferably with a Masters or PhD. Meanwhile, they have supported the marriages of my cousins to educated men who cheat, abuse alcohol or even beat their wives- but it’s all cool because the man has a degree and money!
They’ve also gone on a slander campaign to my aunts and uncles saying I want to marry a man who dropped out of high school and doesn’t have a job (both not true- he went to a trades college and has a well-paying job as a mechanic) to turn everyone against us. Dad told one aunt that he can’t understand why I’d “turn around and embarrass” him like that “after all he had spent on [my] education”. (That hurt!!!)
They haven’t mentioned my engagement ring but I know they’ve noticed it. We don’t discuss the subject anymore so I guess it’s their way of burying their head in the sand.
I’ve decided I want none of the drama, so I’m going ahead and we’re planning our wedding anyways. We both earn enough combined to finance our own wedding and are not receiving any direct financial help from anyone (and friends who are vendors are giving us nice discounts ) If my parents won’t come to the wedding, it’s going to be their loss. FI’s parents have enough love and approval for the union for the both of us, and I know I’ll have the happiest marriage in my generation of the family too because I’m marrying the right person for the right reasons
Post # 13
He didnt ask. I would have thought it weird if he did. My mom wasnt really enthusiastic about it, but she just doesnt like weddings in general. My dad has been really excited about it. His parents… Eh. They havent said one way or another.
Post # 14
@bgswifey: Ouch that was awful!!!
Personally I like it that my parents have a “Count us out of it” attitude as opposed to a weepy-sobby “Please don’t do this!” scenario.
The only one opposed are my parents- the rest of the family (at least those I’ve spoken to and/or who have met FI) support the union. My parents are overbearing though, so I can foresee some relatives being afraid to come to the wedding to avoid upsetting my parents, but I don’t mind. I know the relatives I am super-close to and really want to see there WILL be there.
If my little sisters (who live under my parents’ roof) are prevented from coming, I will understand, because I KNOW they want to be there and will try their best to come!
Post # 15
- Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church
My husband gave more of a heads up than anything, not really permission.
Post # 16
My dad told me to “hold on to this one”, does that count? Lol. FI didn’t officially ask him for permission, he just gave him a heads up