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Just wondering how many bees parents helped them pay for college.
In my experience, mine did. My parents were not wealthy, but they saved their whole lives so I would not have to deal with student loans. They personally felt that my education was extremely important, and they wanted to help the most they possibly could.
My FI, however, is still in college....still trying to get his associates. His parents have never pushed him or told him that he could do anything he sets his mind to. It's left him with a low self esteem in that regard, but that's a whole separate issue. Anyway, there was an issue with his student loan, and it was denied for this semester. There is no way he's getting the money. He NEEDS to finish this degree, and with only 2 semesters left, I couldn't see putting it off any longer. He tried to talk to his mom about temporarily helping him out, and she flipped out, saying that he's an adult and it's his problem. She said if he wants money, he can fix some broken things around their house and work for it. To me, this is blackmail, and her kids education should be more important to her. She's basically saying she has the money, but won't let him have it. (just a side note, he can't even register without paying 50% up front, which is due now)
Anyway, sorry for the ramble, but that whole thing just got me wondering....if your parents HAD the money, but wouldn't contribute.
They helped, but they didn't put a big chunk down for me or anything. They did help with my loans though. But I had a scholarship to the 4 year school, so that paid for a lot. I dropped out because it was insanely expensive and later went to community college to save money.
To be honest, I am so glad I didn't go to a $50,000 a year school to get an English degree. I'd rather work in a hospital, and the community college has the programs I want at a MUCH more reasonable tuition, and I can manage without much help.
They helped me pay for my two years of school. I did receive an entrance scholarship and a bursary though so that took a huge chunk off my tuition fees.
My parents did not help me pay for college. I took out loans for what my scholarships didn't cover when I attended a private university. I'm still finishing up and fortunately, I chose to attend a state school, so my grants cover tuition now. Yay!
Tuition through bach, and we had to buy our own books. Masters was is on us. Student loans here I come!
Yes they did, but where my education fees were also heavily subsidized. I paid for all my post graduate studies though.
I'm sorry about your FI, hope you can come up with a solution soon.
Nope. When I went to college I was completely on my own. I got scholarships and students loans for the cost of tuition and books. I got a job and paid my own rent, car payment, car insurance, food, etc.
My parents paid for some of it. They're not very wealthy and weren't able to save a lot, but they would help me with living expenses when they could and now they are paying off one of my loans for me. That being said, I don't think parents HAVE to pay for their kids' education, so even if his mother does have the money, it's her money and she can do with it what she wants. And I also don't think it's blackmail to ask him to work for it--that's the only way I ever got money in my house. Is there anyway he could take a semester off to save then take classes in the summer and fall to finish up while working part-time?
I was fortunate enough to come from a finacially wise family and my parents were able to pay for my undergrad degree, same with my DH.
My brother got two associates degrees paid for by my parents, but does nothing with his life.
I'm currently getting my MBA, and paying for it on my own. (Half paid so far!)
We offered 4 years to each of our kids, but if they extended their degrees beyond that (like the 5 year plan so many do), they were on their own. We made them take out loans each year, but at graduation, our gift was repayment of the loans. No debt. However, one slept through many of her classes and blew 2 years, so anything after that she paid for (and still is).
How can you really expect his Mom to keep paying now? How old is he and how much can 2 classes cost at community college?
Thanks for your responses ladies! Keep um coming!
@Boston Bee: I totally see your point that it's not FI's money, but at the same time, I honestly just don't understand it. I just came from a different background. It just doesn't make sense to me. His mom actually doesn't even work (never has). She was a SAHM, and it's his Dad's money, she just handles the finances. And his dad is a college professor. So, to me, it just seems like they would value their own kids education more. After all, when they're old, who do they think is going to take care of them? IMHO, they should "pay it forward", or else, not expect any help from us in the future either.
I just realized, I never posted what we decided to do! I'm going to pay for his semester. He goes to a community college, so luckily, it isn't completely insanely expensive. My parents were actually willing to help, and they think his education is extremely important to our future. After all, we plan to have kids, so it's their future grandkids lives too! :)
I paid for my BA myself through loans (unsubsidized because my parents made too much $ for me to qualify for subsidized) and working through HS and college, and I am currently paying for my PhD myself (part of tuition is covered through my school, yay). Though it's a nice gesture, I don't think parents should have to pay for their kids' education. Mine never saved for my college, and we really never discussed who would be paying, though I wish we had talked about it earlier. If you have the determination, just bite the bullet and take out a government or other type of loan. I've even known friends who paid by credit card.
@smyley: His parents never paid for any of his education. He is 27, and currently only part time employed. He has been actively job hunting for over a year. He was simply asking for a loan, only to cover the 50% deposit required to register. It's in the hundreds, not thousands or anything. It's not really about the money, it was more about her attitude that I was wondering about.
My parents saved for a portion of my undergraduate degree but I ended up not needing it thanks to scholarships. They transferred the funds to my brother who ended up graduating with some loans but nothing crazy (maybe 8k?)
If his mom wants him to do oddjobs around the house for the money he needs to jump on that. Its a solution to his problem. Working for money is not blackmail.
@LGenz: The problem is, it's not odd jobs. They want him to rebuild their second floor and refinish all of their flooring. For $400. This is why, to us, it was just not worth it. Money and family just don't mix sometimes, I guess, which is why I just said I'd pay for it (so we wouldn't have to deal with it) I just wasn't raised with the "nothing in life is free" mentality. I was raised believing that families do things for one another because they want to help, not because they want something.
My Mom paid all of my Bachelors degree - my tuition, rent, car insurnace etc.
Now that I'm doing a PhD, she pays just half of my tuition (and probably won't pay it at all when I'm married). I get a stipend as a grad student... although it is modest, I make do, while saving for the wedding.
It's a mixed bag. I think that having to pay for a substantial part of my education makes me value it more. I know people who were given a free ride and didn't appreciate it or work hard (not that all do). My parents helped out by giving me a sum of money and loaning me the rest interest-free that I'm paying back now. I had a job all through school which helped me get a job post college.
Yes, you would like them to value education more, but honestly - you are not in their marriage so you really don't know what they can and can't afford. Maybe they had to pay for their own education and feel that was character building. Maybe they appear as if they can pay but aren't actually flush in the bank (college professors aren't paid THAT much). Maybe your FI took a long time to finish or isn't a diligent student. There's so many "what ifs" that I can't really have an opinion on whether it's right or wrong, although yes it does suck for him. Hopefully he can save his summer earnings and grab a part-time job so he can pay for the fall semester.
ETA: I see you posted that he's 27. I can definitely see some people believing that is old enough for the kids to stand on their own. I think sometimes parents are worried about kids being too reliant on them - and rightfully so (what's the movie about the man that lives at home until Sarah Jessica Parker persuades him to be a grownup and move out). That may not be the case here, but I still don't see a case for being indignant. Hurt, perhaps, but not indignant.
Yep. I didn’t graduate but the college that I did attend was paid for by my mother (books and living expenses) and grandmother (tuition). I imagine they would have continued to pay if I opted to stay in school but college just wasn’t for me.
As for your FI’s situation, it’s sucky but it’s not really his mothers problem. Some parents feel that once their kids hit adulthood, they’re on their own. I also don’t really think that what she’s doing is blackmail. She’s telling him that he has to work for the money. Sure, it would be nice if they just handed over the cash but they must have their reasons.
My parents would have paid, but I got a full scholarship. My parents instead paid for my rent and gave me a car. I was on my own for clothes/toiletries/books, but those weren't hard to pay for.
Maybe it's just me, but I really believe parents should help if they can. DH's parents gave him no support whatsoever, not even help with a car. He was unable to get scholarships because of their high incomes too. It did force him into a harder major and high paying career though to pay off those student loans, whereas I chose a relatively easy major. We've had conversations with other friends too about this and it seems that people go for better jobs when they get less funds from their parents.
My parents said they would pay for a state school. I chose to go to a private school so they paid what a state school would have cost and I was on my own for the rest. Luckily, I got a half-tuition scholarship so that helped out a lot. If parents have the money, I feel that it's important for them to contribute, especially with the way the economy is and the fact that student loans cannot be wiped out by bankruptcy. I'm sorry your FI has to go through this. I hope his parents have a change of heart!
Yes, they paid the majority. My grandparents helped, I had a scholarship and minimal student loans. Yes, I went to an expensive school, but that's where I met FI.
For tuition, no. I joined the navy reserves and paid for it with the money I earned over my four month summer contracts with them and with the partial tuition reimbursement they provided. It was a great choice. I got great experience and paid for school with my own hard earned money.
But I wouldn't say they didn't help because I lived with them for free, got rides to school, and used their car. I got to concentrate on school without spending all my time working. I just had to work one night week and one Saturday a month with the reserves.
I paid for it myself. My family still encouraged me to go and helped me undertsand the student loans I was taking out. I am 29 years old and just finished paying off my school loans, while my FI will have his for quite a few more years. I don't mind that my parents did not pay. They could have contributed but it would have prevented them from putting more money into their retirement. I don't think it's the parents responsibility, I think of any financial help after the age of 18 is a gift, not a right.
Edit: I see you said he's 27 yrs old. I think at that age he should not ask his parents for money. I think people don't take on responsibility like they used. I understand being 18/19 and even 20 years old but 9 years after high school its time for him to make it on his own. Maybe his mom got upset because she was thinking he same thing?
Mine paid for all and my SO's paid for nearly all. He and I agree that we will set up funds for any children with the "pay it forward" mindset.
My parents started saving my my sister and my education before we were born, so they paid for all of it, plus paid for our rent and gave us $500 for bills. It was VERY generous and I never took advantage. Their reasoning for paying for rent and some of our bills was so that we didn't have to work 40 hours a week and go to school so we could focus on our studies. In the end I averaged about 30 hrs a week of work during the school year and between 40 and 60 hrs a week during the summer (textbooks aren't cheap!).
It does make a difference though-- being in Canada the average university tuition is about $5000-$5500 a year and college is $3500-$4500 per year. Significantly cheaper than the states, I believe.
Having my parents pay for my education, I would do the same for my kids. My FI and I have already discussed that as soon as we get pregnant we will set up an RESP (registered education savings plan) so that we can help our kids get through school.
***I should also note that SO and I both did not qualify for FAFSA loans. With my complete lack of credit, I couldn't get a loan on my own. I went to a small local college but I'm equally proud of where I went. SO went to another local, in state college so tuition wasn't awful.
Mine didn't help at all. They thought I would learn more resposibility if I did it myself. I was able to work enough to cover my tuition and expenses - and I went to university in my home town so saved a lot by living at home. Maybe not the ideal situation, but I am lucky to have come out the other end with no debt at all.
@takemyhand: Agree, tuition is significantly cheaper here in Canada. There's no way I could have done it myself it tuition was tens of thousands of dollars!
I know you two are very serious... getting married and therefore you have a lot to consider when paying for things ( school, wedding, etc)... so I just have to share my horror story.
While in college, I met a guy and we dated pretty seriously on and off for 3 years. I was nearing my second semester in my junior year... and on track to graduate in 4 years. HE was having some financial problems... and even though his mom would have liked to help out, she was just unable to financially.
Well, after MUCH thought ( we were getting married, this was our future, our kids future, etc).. I decided to pay for his tuition for a semester ON MY CREDIT CARD. Now, you're asking... "How stupid can you be?!"
Well, no surprise here.. but he went the next semester and still couldn't pay, dropped out ( took time "off"), started working night shift at a local plant, I graduated and we eventually broke up. But guess what happens when you break up and you have a CC with 6k on it strictly from his schooling... yes, a lot of repaying to do. I haven't seen ( and never will see) a cent of that $$... and before marrying my now FI, my number one goal was to pay that debt off so I am not bringing it into our marriage. I did pay it off, but it took a long time and I never imagined that we would not be together, so taking on a huge financial responsibility before actual marriage is something I would heavily consider, which I am sure you have but I just wanted to share!
My parents helped, but only when I appsolutely needed it. My junior, senior and second senior year I worked on average of 30-40 hours in order that I could live off campus and afford my books, food, ect. It was hard at times but I made it work.
My parents paid my tuition, room and board for my undergrad and they helped me out with things like books and put money on my meal plan. Anything above that I was on my own, but thankfully that didn't mean I had to work while I was taking classes. I always got a summer job and saved every dime so that I'd have spending money during the school year.
They did push me to go to a top school though, which I don't think was the best decision. It was really competitive and stressful and I feel like I could have gotten a very good education at a state school, saved them a ton of money and had a lot more fun. I will definitely encourage my future children to go to state schools, as long as they have a good academic reputation. I didn't go on to law or med school or anything, so I sort of feel like my degree was wasted a little.
@Catherine: I agree. I don't think my parents could have paid if my tuition was that extravegant! I was just happy that they were able to help me through all 5 years. They did have rules though--- we had to go straight from high school to post grad (no break allowed) and they only paid for BA/certificate. If you wanted to go above and beyond (Masters, second diploma, etc) then you had to do that on your own.
@Amanda_Rae: Yikes! I'm sorry to hear about your former bf, that's a shame! Luckily for us, I had the money saved, and paid for it in cash. My only expectation is for him to do well (i.e. pass all his classes). If he doesn't, he's going to have to pay it back, with interest. He signed a contract. No, that's not particularly romantic, and I don't forsee a problem (who ever does?!?), but just in case.
As a general note about his age, I was just raised with the mindset that your kids are your kids forever. It doesnt stop when it's 18. or 28. or 38. In this country (the US), we are in this poor state of economy because of debt. So if families can help each other out here are there to not build more debt, why wouldn't they? No, it's not their "responsibility", per se, but acting like people are not going to need help and support after 18 years old just seems, a little old fashioned to me.
Meanwhile, in addition, FI's OLDER brother, who is almost 30, still lives at home and his parents pay for all of his living expenses. He shares their car. He eats their food. They do NOT pay for his education either. That just seems, off to me?
Most of my education expenses were paid for by scholarships and government grants. My family gave me a little extra money monthly for living expenses.
NOt really. Technically, my mom paid for community college to get my AA, but I got tuition reimbursment from my work, so I paid her back. I paid for the rest of my undergrad and our wedding. My parents couldn't afford to help me/us out
My parents started putting money into a mutual fund every single month from the day me and each of my siblings were born. They've worked with their investment advisor to determine how much they would have to contribute each month to have enough money (by the time we reached college) to pay for 4 years of tuition, room and board at an in-state public school. If we wanted to go somewhere out-of-state or private, we had to fund the difference ourselves through either scholarships or loans.
I was able to go to an out-of-state public school for free between the money my parents saved and the scholarships I earned. My sister went to in-state public for free. DH's parents paid for the portion of his in-state public tuition that wasn't covered by his scholarships too (although they hadn't purposefully stocked away money for it).
DH and I plan to hopefully be able to similarly help our future children with their college educations.
They helped pay for some of it, the rest is paid for with grants or loans that are in my name, and I will be paying back. I wish I would have went to community college instead of a 4 year university but hey, can't change it now.
I was extremely fortunate because I had a full-tuition scholarship in undergrad, but my parents paid the room/board. If I hadn't had the scholarship my parents would have paid the tuition but I actually chose my college based on that scholarship and declined another school which i preferred that offered a smaller scholarship.
Thankfully for grad school (PhD) the school has tuition remission so I don't pay to attend, and they actually give me a stipend that covers all living expenses so I'm financially independent.
I was really lucky to have my four undergraduate years paid for in full. Books, tuition, rent, bills, etc. I had a part-time job to make money for extra stuff I wanted to do (shopping, going out, etc.), but my parents never told me I HAD to have/get a job. I just found one I liked and kept working!
My dad did say that my master's degree would be on me. It's been manageable because I've only been taking one course at a time (while working full time), but last year I applied for a FAFSA loan, accepted a small portion of it, and it turned into a HUGE mess with my university's financial aid office, etc. I never realized just how lucky I was to NEVER have to worry about student loans during/after undergrad...I got my grad school loan figured out and declined the rest of it, returning it to the goverment and will NEVER try to get a student loan again. It sucks to have to pay out of pocket for one course a semester, but after the hell I went through with the loan bullshit, I will happily live frugally to pay my tuition rather than be given the run-around from financial aid offices. I was always grateful to my parents for paying my way during undergrad, but I thanked them profusely after I realized what some people have to go through with loans/financial aid!!
To each their own. My parents were like yours they thought education should be provided by them and should be our main focus, not how to pay for college. My parents were no ways well off, but like yours pinched pennies their whole lives so my sister and I could enter the "real world" debt free. And am I extremely grateful for it.
My boyfriend during college...his parents were very well off, and let's say his father earned enough to buy a small condo outright every year where we lived. His parents did not believe in contributing a penny towards his education. They provided free room & board if him and his brother wished to stay local, but that was the extent of their contribution. This always bothered me. My then boyfriend was extremely smart and was accepted into Ivy Leagues across the country for both undergrad as well as medical school, but he declined because the added cost of moving across country versus staying local and having free room and board. This always always always bothered me and still to this day even though we are no longer together. I feel his potential was stifled because he didn't pick schools based on their merit and how it would benefit his future, but on how much debt he would have to take out.
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