Post # 1
I’m asking this because I was just told to ‘save the date’ and for my address for a friend’s son’s wedding. I have ZERO relationship with the son and have never met his soon to be wife. I was floored to be told this (to STD) and actually doubted that an invite would even arrive, until I got a call from the MOG asking for my address for the invites.
While I’m honored to be part of this family’s celebration, the bride in me (who only wanted people that had a current relationship with us to be invited) is cringing!!!
Neither of us gave our parents any guests to invite. We also footed the entire bill.
Maybe this is a case of getting married older?? (We were 35, this couple is 25)??
All that background to ask: did your parents invite guests you didn’t really know? And, how did you feel about it??
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2011 - Clark Gardens
Both sets of parents are inviting guests we don’t know. I’m not bothered by it.
Everyone is contributing financially to the wedding (his parents, my parents/family, and FI and I)
Post # 3
Yes. My FI’s parents have quite a few on their that FI doesn’t know well or hasn’t actually met. It drives me CRAZY! I know, have met, and as I like to say to FI, can ‘pick them out of a line-up” for all the guest on my side/my parents. He has quite a few that he has seen maybe once or twice, or even never at all. Or he wouldn’t be able to recognize them if he saw them. To me it’s dumb, but it’ll cause a huge deal if I try to cut them. At this point it will end up being ok because I’ve had a few no RSVPs, but it’s still incredibly annoying that people who are pretty much strangers are going to be at our wedding.
ETA: My FI and I are paying for probably 60%, my parents 30% and his parents 10%, but they have yet to actually give anything. Also, they had 60% of the guest list.
Post # 4
My parents (who are paying) didn’t invite people we don’t really know, but my FI’s parents did (groan). It really bothers me and we got some of them cut off the list, but we just couldn’t get them all off the list. I went to a wedding recently that perfectly illustrated why I don’t want these people at our wedding. My FI was a GM, so I was sitting by myself during the ceremony and an older man started chatting me up before the ceremony started. I asked how he knew the bride or groom and he said “Oh I don’t. My girlfriend is friends with the bride’s mom but to be honest I hate weddings.” Why do we want to pay $300 a head for people who don’t know us and don’t want to be there?
Post # 5
My mom is inviting a few of her close friends, I have met all of them before. I asked her if she wanted to invite a few people though, she didn’t just come up and say I had to invite them. I think I’ve met their husbands before too, but if not it’s not a big deal.
Post # 6
We had a small wedding, so we were very picky with the guest list. My MIL invited some people I don’t know, but my husband does, and I was ok with it b/c if they’re good enough friends to invite to my wedding I felt I should get to know them.
I’ve heard of parents inviting all of their friends b/c they think if they’re paying, they can invite who they want.
Post # 7
My mom and his parents did. It was okay though. I gave them each 10 free guests that they could invite.
Post # 8
Yes my I have guests coming to my wedding that I dont know. I allowed both my mom and FMIL to give us some names of people they wanted to attend.
Post # 9
My FI is 36 and I am 28. My parents only invited people we knew. I also have a small family so it wasn’t really an issue. I had to convince them that it was ok to invite some of their close friends.
My FI’s parents originally handed us a list of 75 people who we “had” to invite. Our chosen venue has a capacity of 100! That list got shortended for sure – but there are still many people who I’ve never met and FI barely knows. Ugh. Soooo frustrating! And then two weeks before our invitations go out – my FMIL tells me about a relative who called her to tell her that he & wife were totally planning on attending! I laughed and said “Well… how do they know that they are even invited?” She laughed back and said “Some things are just understood.” Coming from a tiny family – this is totally a foreign concept to me. But weddings are sometimes, unfortunately, about more than just the Bride & Groom.
Post # 10
- Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ
My mom and her husband are paying for half of our wedding. Consequently 1/3 of our list are strangers who probably won’t come. If they weren’t paying, I would not have given them the opportunity to invite this many people who I don’t know. I’m an older bride (in my 30s), and I’m fine with it because they are footing half the bill.
Post # 11
Even though we footed the bill, there were a couple of people that I never would have invited if it wasn’t important to my mom. She didn’t invite them herself, but she reminded me that they needed to be on the guest list, like there was no way I’d ever think otherwise. One was family, but I’ve only seen her about 5 times in my life. The other was a good friend of my mom’s who I like a lot. But there were people who have been my close friend my whole life that I didn’t invite because we had limited space who would have been higher up the list if I did all the choosing. Interestingly, they were the only people to bring uninvited +1’s too.
Post # 12
My mom is inviting her entire card club (7 couples) and a few family friends (3 more couples), all of which I either speak to once every 5 years or haven’t seen since I was in diapers. It drives me nuts that she wants these people invited, but whatever. I feel like this is another opportunity for my mom to get together with her friends, which they could obviously do any other time, and for much less money. I wonder if they’ll even show… but I bet they will.
My dad isn’t asking for anyone aside from his sisters (who would already be invited). There are going to be several people I don’t know by name at my wedding, but the majority will be my nearest and dearest. Meh.
Post # 13
Our parents invited friends–it’s kind of their day too–especially if they are contributing financiall. I wanted to keep it intimate though so we asked that they only include close friends. I know my moms friends and he knows his. If you aren’t comfortable going then tell them you can’t make it.
Post # 14
I feel very strongly that I don’t want anyone at my wedding that either I or my fiance know well, have a close relationship with and personally want to be there – I feel that weddings as intimate events. My fiance and I are paying for the wedding with help from my mother. His father is paying for the band as a gift to us.
My parents’ perspective is that it’s my day/my wedding and our guest list and have not asked me to invite anyone.
It’s a different story for my fiancé’s family. He did invite a few of his parents friends but only those that he has known since he was a child and still keeps in touch with. His parents are OUTRAGED (and publicly blaming me and criticizing me for the fact) that we’ve not allowed them the opportunity to invite other guests (some of whom my fiance has never met).
So I started asking around and I guess it’s quite common for the parents to invite whomever they want, regardless of the relationship to the bride and groom.
I think it’s INSANE. Maybe we’re in the minority!
Post # 15
My mother asked me to invite 2 of her friends, who (I know I sound like a spoiled brat) didn’t even bring us a damn gift. Listen ladies, you and your husbands just cost me $400 bucks, and you didn’t even a bring a card. (mini-rant sorry)