Post # 1
We’re just started to finalize who will make toasts at our reception. I made sure to tell everyone that it wasn’t expected because I didn’t want to pressure anyone, but both our MOH and BM said they’d love to give a toast. My fiance’s parents have said they’d like to make one to the guests as well, and my mom flat out told me no.
I hate admitting it, but I was a little upset she didn’t want to make a toast for a couple reasons, even though I responded with, “Oh, that’s okay, I understand.” The main reason being my dad’s out of the picture, so she’s representing two parents (and walking me down the aisle), and I honestly did want her to say at least a few words, even if it was just welcoming my FI into our family (she loves him). She’s also said she doesn’t want to say anything at the rehearsal dinner, either.
However, she did say that she would be too emotional that day, and didn’t even want to think about giving a speech. So, in the end, I understand, but I’m still a little disappointed.
Did anyone in your wedding party (including parents) NOT make a speech that you hoped would?
Post # 3
My mom did not give a toast, it was my dad who did the toast. I was not upset by it, I just figured thats how it is. We had the Best Men, MOH and my dad toast at the wedding then FIL gave a toast at the rehearsal dinner the night before.
The wedding will be an emotional day guaranteed – maybe you can talk to your mom and see if she feels up to it if she would like to say something that night. People will expect tears so she shouldnt feel embarassed if she is worried about crying. Do you have someone else you are close to in your family that would like to do a toast?
Post # 4
I’m the MOB and I guess I never even considered my daughter would ask or want me to make a toast. The only ones who did were the MOH and Best Man. They were both a little long winded so if my husband had gotten to say what he was going to,it would have been WAY too long. As it was,the 2 speakers were funny at first and then brought everyone to tears,so it was perfect.
I have to say,I could NEVER have done it,so I understand your Mom exactly. Please don’t be mad at her or upset. It really IS an emotional time!
Post # 5
Thanks, smyley. I’m not mad or upset, just disappointed. Since my dad’s not in the picture, and since my mom and I have been really close over the years, I was kind of hoping she would like to say a few words.
But I’m definitely not mad or upset or hurt. And I do understand. Just, like I said, slightly disappointed.
I was just wondering if anyone was in a situation like mine where you had hoped someone important would make a toast, and they chose not to.
Post # 6
We’re not doing speeches. Both of our families are shy and would literally DIE if we made them get up and give a speech. We’re okay with that.
Post # 7
Aw, I’m sure it will be a very emotional day for her and to have to get through a speech may be tough. And if Dad isn’t around, that just make that much harder on her.
Post # 8
I balled during my dad’s toast… you know, the ugly cry, but it was worth it! I had my mom come up and stand next to my dad, so it was really from both of them. But my dad wrote it.
That being said, maybe you could ask your mom to forget about the speech thing, but maybe present FI with a little present or token or something as she welcomes him into the family. That might take the spotlight off of her WORDS, which is what seems to be making her nervous, yet would still accomplish what you are hoping for.
Post # 9
We asked our bridal parties to each make a toast (we have two on each side, couples, so they’ll do it together), and one person from each side of our families – my mom and his uncle. I thought my mom would be so excited about it, but I’ve had to talk her into it. I’m hoping she will follow through and will admitedly be a bit disapointed if she doesn’t.
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2009 - St. Thomas of Villanova Church & the F.U.E.L. House
My dad is giving a quick welcome to everyone before dinner is served — and our MOH and BM will also offer brief toasts. We’re going to say something small as well, but then that’s it for speeches!