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In talking to some friends about my recent engagement it came up that FI had in some way, shape or form asked for my Dad's "permission" to ask me to marry him. I thought the gesture was romantic, not to mention totally gentleman-like (I should add that it made my Dad feel really good too). Anyways, one girlfriend said that it was "so sweet because it was outdated".
I'm in no way offended, but it definitely got me thinking. I'm just wondering how common this is now? Did your SO/FI/DH ask permission from your Dad or someone equivalent for your hand in marraige? Thoughts, feeling, comments?
I was 19 and pregnant when we got engaged ... a little too late to ask for permission, eh!
@BanditGirl: Haha, my brother asked his 18 year-old girlfriend's dad for permission, and I totally made fun of him for it. Like, "Really bro? You already took more than her hand!"
I got married 28 years ago-nope! No one did that back then-WAY before then, but not then. I find it kind of odd that it's being done again. lol.
Both my BIL and hubby went to both my parents and didn't really ask, but just said I plan on asking your daughter to marry me. My parents thought it was kinda cool and nice that they were notified first. They just all hugged it out and had a drink together to celebrate!
He asked for both my parents permission. We were together 6 yrs when he proposed and for my father; he thought my FI was pretty late! lol
So, he felt the need to ask both my parents (they're both police officers and not emotional) until he asked and showed the ring. Evidently, that's all that took, both were in tears.
And I'm glad he did it .... :)
i do think it's old-fashioned (maybe traditional is a better word?), but it's a very sweet gesture!
FI didnt ask but he told him that he was going to propose & told him when & where. Maybe bc we have a daughter, he didnt feel he had to ask but wanted him to know. Apperantly my whole family knew lol, my little sister even hid the ring until the night he asked!
J wanted to, but my situation is a little bit difficult. My dad was never in my life. My mom and I don't really get along. So, he'd have to ask my grandparents, but on Christmas Eve - he couldn't find the right time to. I do know that he was going to tell my grandmom he was planning to propose, but thought she would cry or something would happen and I'd be curious.
Mine DH did and it made my dad feel really good and respected!
My Fi did and I think it's really just a nice gesture these days. He didn't actually need permission of course. We are a little older (FI-38 and me-30), but I think my father really respected his decision to ask. I found out later from my step-mother that when my father tried to tell her what just happened he couldn't get it out without tears. Then they were both in tears!
My FI didn't ask my dad, which surprised me because FI is pretty traditional. I didn't mind though, because I already knew how much my dad loves him.
Yea he did, I thought it was so romantic and sweet. I had mentioned that I thought it would be nice maybe a year before he proposed, but I didn't expect him to! It was so great because he asked right before we left on our engagement trip to NYC, which is where my parents live but it was supposed to be a "secret weekend". After he proposed I called my dad to tell him the news and he said he knew it was coming, but when they found out we were in NY they were so excited they took us out to lunch :) It was truly the best weekend ever.
My FI didn't ask for permission per se, but he did call my parents to tell them that he was planning to propose and to ask for their blessing.
He didn't "ask," but more like let my dad know that was his plan. He wanted to do it because he knew it would score points with my dad, who he really doesn't have much in common with. He was right, my dad liked the gesture.
He didn’t ask permission but he did call both of my parents the morning he proposed to just let them know that he was going to be asking me that night. We had been together for more than 5 years and lived together for 4 ½ at that point so it was definitely not a shocker for them. Besides, they knew the engagement was coming since FI and I picked out my ring together.
It was important to both of us that he told me parents what his plans were prior to proposing. I know that they both really appreciated being in the loop.
FI asked my Dad about 2 weeks before the proposal. I am very happy that he did this because I am a Daddy's girl. It meant so much to my Dad that FI asked him.
When my FI asked my Dad, my Dad responded with "Are you sure... LetsGoPens is kind of crazy" Thanks Dad!
My fi loves to ride motor cycles...and my dad likes to ride his motorcycle too so he asked my dad if he wanted to go for a ride just some random day...(but tho i never thought anything about it) after they were done...that is when he asked my dad....my dad likes him alot...im shocked my dad has never like any of the guys i have dated. it meant so much to me that he asked my dad!!!
He didn't really ask permission, but he told my dad he wanted to ask me and wanted my dad's blessing. He called the company my dad worked at and got his office phone number so he wouldn't have to ask me for his number. He took my dad out to dinner and talked to him about it a few days before he asked me.
DH asked for my parents blessing. I had previously mentioned that it was important to me that he talked to my parents before proposing and he remembered! But he had to call my brother to get my parents number and then when he called my Dad, my parents were with my other brother, so the whole family knew it was coming.
No my FI didn't because, as there's only my Mum to ask and as we're really close he thought she'd give it a way in some way even in just her tone of voice. ;)
My Fiance has got to be the sweetest man ever and all my girlfriends will agree, so I was surprised to find out that he didn't ask my dad for my hand. He also didn't call them or tell them he was for sure proposing. I'm disappointed by that. I'm a pretty independent woman and don't feel like it's necessary but for my dad's sake, I wish he would have. I also think it was important to my mom to hear his plans and I'm upset he didn't tell them. I had told my mom that he was probably proposing soon and how I thought it would happen...but didn't realize she woudn't tell this to my dad..it was just awkward because they were obviously happy for us but it was anticlimactic since they weren't sure what all was happening. So, I'm still a little upset at him for not including them or that his parents didn't say, "hey, you told her folks right?".
My FI asked my dad and im so glad he did. I dont think it would have been a huge deal if he didnt, but it earned a lot of respect from my dad. My parents are divorced so he asked my mom too. And he called my sis and let her know he was going to ask. I thought it was really sweet bc he knows how important my family is to me and im glad he included them
Yes, he did, but mostly just for my dad because my dad is kind of old-fashioned. We would have gotten hitched anyways even if Dad said no. ;)
Yeah, it was kind of awkward how it came about. My parents knew we had been talking about getting engaged and basically did the date check with them for the actual wedding (They had wanted us to hold off for another five months, but we didn't want to do the distance thing) so my dad just said, "Do you have anything you want to ask me?"
It caught him off guard and he responded with " I.... am moving to AZ to go to grad school.... and I'd kind of like to take her with me?"
It was pretty cute.
He said he was going to ask but he never did. FI doesn't have a lot in common with my dad so they don't talk a whole lot, I don't think he knew how to bring it up. But both my parents assumed the proposal was coming for a while so it was no big shock.
FI asked my mom (I'm not close with my dad) the morning of. He knew she would have had too hard of a time keeping a secret if he did it any earlier! :D
I asked my FI to ask my dad like five times and he promised he would. and then he didn't. and thus began the fighting.
I didn't care so much about the gesture itself - it's just the fact that he completely lied about something he knew was important to me.
Yes, he did. My dad was very clear when he finally realized we were serious that FH had to ask him, in person. So it made the proposal itself not that much of a surprise but FH flew up to my hometown for a weekend and took my parents out to breakfast. They grilled him for over an hour and my dad was (finally) alright with it. Apparantly, my mom cried when she saw the ring. Then my dad went took his rifle to the shooting range, he claims so he wouldn't spoil the "surprise".
It was wasn't necissary in my mind but it was nice to smooth Dad over.
I don't think nowadays it's really "permission". My FI did talk to my parents before he proposed and let them know he was going to. He and my dad went out for pie and talked. I think it's become more a gesture that says "I have respect for your family and for your daughter and I'd like you to be part of the process of bringing our two families together".
Also, on a more selfish note, it's a lot easier than figuring out a nice, fun way to say, "Hey mom and dad, I'm getting married". It's already been done for you!
YES! It made me feel so special and respected that he did!
No, he didn't. I don't think he needed to "ask permission" but it would have been nice if had made the gesture to tell my parents his intentions. It's not a huge deal to me though because I had time to think about it - A friend of mine was pretty upset that her now-husband did not ask, and so she told me to think about it, and to let the boy know if it was important! It would have totally made him feel weird so I just let it go. It's kind of silly anyway since we are in our 30s, and knew we would get engaged eventually.
For some reason I can't vote on polls today (technical glitch?) - but my vote is "no".
I think the idea of asking “permission” (however serious, or not), is offensive, my husband thinks its offensive, and my DAD has says he thinks its super offensive!
My father has passed, but he called my mother and asked for her blessing. I was almost 41 so permission wouldn't be the word. It really meant a lot to her. That was a Tuesday evening and he didn't propose until Saturday morning. Mom had to keep it a secret all that time, which just about killed her!
I told FI I didn't want him to, and he respected that. I love my parents very much, but it's just not my style.
Yes, and he actually was upset he couldn't do it in person. We lived in Texas and my dad in the DC area and he had to call him on the phone and ask him because he couldn't think of a reason to tell me why he'd need to fly to DC without me getting suspicious, LOL. I think my dad appreciated that he was asked for his blessing first.
Yes he did! but he is old fashion like that - my dad really appreciated it but i think it mean the most to me - my family is so important to me :)
actually when he told my parents they offered to get us a room in charleston for the weekend - so it worked in his favor!
Well, I wouldn't really say he "asked permission" but he told them he was going to propose and showed them the ring. I really like that he did, I think it's sweet. I think my mom would've rather have been kept in the dark though, she said she had a very hard time keeping the secret to herself :)
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