Did your wedding ruin any relationships?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m so sorry that happened!

My wedding just made me realize the people that really just don’t care. I thought me and one of my girlfriends were VERY, VERY close friends. However, she did not come to my shower, bachelorette party, or wedding. I can’t blame her for the wedding since it was a DW, and that would be completely selfish of me. However, I did expect at least a card. She didn’t even bother to go that far…

This actually happened with quite a few people who i thought we were close to (no acknolwedgement of even getting married). One of my bridesmaids didn’t even get us a card, oy.

Post # 4
Member
3156 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Wow, can you elaborate on anything?  How did she ruin your day?

I had 2 MOHs, one my best friend from childhood and the other from college.  For some reason, my friend from childhood has basically cut off all times with me since the wedding.  I’m not sure that anything happened pertaining to the wedding, but I have to think she’s just decided we’re in different places or what.  She doesn’t return my calls, is really flighty through emails, etc.  I’m not sure that I could say that my wedding ruined this relationship, but it was definitely the last big thing we did together.

Post # 5
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@S2013:  I am no longer friends with somebody that I thought was my best friend. It turns out that my wedding just made me realize how much of a selfish (immature and lazy) bitch she has always been. She even criticized my wedding less than 5 days after I got married.  Her husband begged me stay friends with her because I was the only friend she had left…sorry, nope.

What did your sister do?

Post # 6
Member
1148 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I didn’t ask my BFF from high school to be my MOH, and I think she’s still harboring resentment about that. In my defense, anytime we made plans to hang out after high school she would mysteriously be unreachable the day of, not returning calls or texts until a few days afterwards. And the couple of time she met my husband before we were married she either ignored him completely or was rude to him.

Of course, when our engagement was announced on Facebook, I got a comment saying “So I get MOH status, right?” and then critizied my engagment ring for not “being the huge rock” I always talked about. So it really wasn’t that difficult of a decision at that point. I was suprised she even showed up to my wedding.

We’re a bit better now, but my wedding is still a bit of a touchy subject.

Post # 7
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

My husband’s sister was a complete bitch when she found out about our engagement. In all fairness, her husband had finished treatment for an illness about 6 months before we were engaged. We got engaged in June and decided on a March wedding – 9 months, which we immediately informed our families about. While I’d been lukewarm about my sister-in-law to this point, she sealed the deal when she posted, “Hope you get married late in the year so we can come,” with no explanation as to why they wouldn’t be able to come sooner.

Keep in mind they live several hours away, and they’re the only close relatives on either side of the family who live far away. So I was polite, just said to her, “We’re planning on a late March wedding.” I wasn’t going to cave to her and go, “Oh yes, late in the year, for sure!” I was cordial but honest. Her response?

“Well let us know the date for this wonderful event. That is, if we’re even invited. Haha.”

I never wanted to punch a bitch in the face so badly before in my life. Instead, I added her to my “Restricted” list on Facebook and made the decision from then on that if she had something to say, she could say it through her brother. When they visit now, I’m cordial but distant. I don’t have time for someone who’s so self-absorbed.

It turns out she was upset because she felt her baby was ‘too young’ (4 months. I chose March instead of sooner because it gave her time to recover post-delivery). I told my husband that she’s planning on having between 2 and 4 kids – I am NOT going to wait until she’s done popping them all out and they’re grown before I get married. That’s just the price of business, unfortunately, when you move far away from the rest of the family.

When my husband tried to call her and say that we could be flexible with the date a little – but that we needed to know WHEN they could come because our venue was running out of dates- she just said, “Whatever, it’s your wedding.” No. You don’t get the right to have an online temper tantrum, then go, “WHATEVER,” when people are doing their best to accommodate YOU. Then, of course, she spent 3 or 4 days getting back to us.

I’ve just learned that she’s a self-absorbed, childish little princess who’s accustomed to the rest of the family promptly caving to her. I’m disgusted with how her parents and grandparents treat her. This woman is almost 30 – time to grow up.

 

*****

Oh, and my friend. I had an entire other thread devoted to how wonderfully things went with that. In all honesty, I always knew he was a crappy friend, but we’d known each other so long that it was like a bad addiction. I loved him like a brother and overlooked how self-absorbed, jealous and critical of others he was. I feel like the wedding just brought issues that were already there to the forefront.

We hired his boyfriend to be our officiant (I was clear on this: we needed him to get ordained through the Universal Life Church, which takes about 2 minutes). We paid him $200 to do this. We had a 5-minute reading we wanted (and told him in advance that’s what we wanted). Immediately, he was telling us what we needed to do, telling us our ceremony needed to be longer, then tore into the vows we selected (even telling me that he “thought I was a writer” – i.e., he thought they were awful). His behavior and his pushiness made me very angry. This was 8 weeks out from our wedding.

The boyfriend had been drinking when he said some of those things, so the next day I approached him about it and he just doubled down on it, telling me he was going to make our ceremony “solemn” and “professional” before telling me he was going to make changes to it and he’d let me see them soon. I went “AW HELL NO.”

What was most hurtful was that my “friend” pretended he had no idea what I was upset about when I politely fired the boyfriend. This is the same guy who threw so many bitch fits over the years if my husband said *anything* less-than-kind.

Now, there were times my husband was out of line and I talked to both of them about it afterward. There were other times my friend was being ridiculous sensitive. You had to agree with him all the time. Crap, I remember going out with him once and he was visibly shaking because he had gotten a scientific fact wrong, and rather than correcting him (knowing how he is), I just sat silently. As the guy’s pulsing with poorly contained rage, he says to me, “It’s okay, you can disagree with me. I’ve worked on this.” O.O

They came to the wedding…kept the $200 (despite doing nothing but causing us trouble)…didn’t even bring a card. We haven’t spoken since the wedding. My “friend” texted me 2 days after the wedding to tell me how much FUN he had before asking me for one of my relative’s phone numbers (perhaps looking for his next friend?). I couldn’t believe the selfishness.

But you know what? Thank God. I have not regretted having him out of my life once since this whole ordeal began nearly 6 months ago.

Post # 8
Member
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My older sister, who was also my MOH. My sister in law. My mother in law. My mother in laws crazy friend. And pretty much every person on my husbands side, save for his American relatives. 

I had a rough day, EXACTLEY a year ago today actually.

Post # 9
Member
4827 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

My wedding didn’t ruin any relationships per se, but it sure strained them. It’s funny how a wedding can bring out all your relationship issues and at times brings out the WORST in people. The day of the wedding, I kept saying “Just keep my mom away from me” because she was driving me so incredible bonkers. But nothing too serious.

Post # 10
Member
251 posts
Helper bee

@S2013:  I’m so sorry, big hugs!

I know you’re angry now but she’s your sister. YOUR flesh and blood after all is said and done, you can cut her off and out of your life but she is blood. I’ve had so many fights with my sister and her wedding nearly ruined our relationship but afterward we worked it out and we’re still working on it. On the day of her wedding I’d never felt so hurt in my life, but she’s my blood and long after my parents are gone she’s all I’ll have left. I don’t want to miss out on that connection with her because of one day. I don’t know what your sister did, I can only assume it’s major but I beg you don’t hold that hate in your heart…It’s your right to stay and be angry but that kind of hatred girl that’s just bad.

Big hugs!

 

Post # 11
Member
1917 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m not sure that it was the actual wedding that ruined the relationship, but it’s definitely helped change my perception of my “best” friend.

One of my best friends from high school was going to be my bridesmaid, and he started out seeming really excited about it. He never went to get himself measured for the suit, even after months of asking him. He would go weeks at a time without responding to anything I said then, about 3-4 months before the wedding, he stopped talking to me entirely – I actually thought he was dead for a little there!

Wedding day came and went with no communication from a guy who had been my best friend for 10 years – not a visit, phone call, text, poke on facebook, nothing. A few weeks after the wedding, he began talking to me again, but he still hasn’t mentioned the fact that I’m now married and if I bring up my husband or make even the slightest hint of the wedding day, I won’t hear from him for weeks.

 

He was getting harder to talk to even before I got engaged, but I think it really hit home that I was more invested in the friendship than he was when he didn’t even acknowledge that I’m married now.

Post # 12
Member
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Honestly, I’m worried I may be in the same boat with my sister. She hasn’t been there for me at all since I got engaged–and I don’t think it’s going to get better anytime soon. I hope it doesn’t impact our relationship, but I don’t see how it couldn’t. She totally ruined my dress shopping experience THREE times. Twice she just bailed–and the third time she made my mom so late to the appointment that my mom almost missed seeing me in my wedding dress. 

I wish she’d come through…but that’s just not who she is. She does not follow through on anything, and she really hasn’t been there for me. While I’d love to think that she might come around someday–I don’t see her changing anytime soon. It’s really disappointing. 

Frankly, our relationship was somewhat strained before the wedding–but I do think weddings reveal all the cracks and crevices in a relationship. 

Post # 13
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

I must admit that my sister’s wedding has left our relationship worse for wear, and it is now only 2 years later, that it is going back to normal.

It is funny how ‘being a bride’, you can almost get away with any behaviour. She threw a tantrum in a wedding store, and screaming at me. (The other bridemaids and MOH didn’t show up on time for bridemaid appointment, and after 5th dress of trying on, I suggested we wait for the other girls).

I was ‘told’ that I was making the invitations. I agreed to this, as she is my sister, and “she is the bride’. The first few I showed her as samples, she didn’t like, and threw them at me. When I made the one she liked, she wanted matching RSVP’s, programs, meaus, place cards, etc, and all in 3 days for 120 people. It took me 2 very full weeks.  The wedding invitations/programs etc looked like the one below, so you can imagine the expense and time. In the end she gave me $200 for materials, time etc. Needless to say, I was way out of pocket.

I could go on and on, but at the end of the wedding day, I wish her well, and left early. I didn’t see her for almost 2 months after the wedding. (which is unsual for us, as we see each other once a week or more). I just needed some time and space. Since then, she has said to me that she is very thankful for alot of the things that I did for her wedding (invitations/programs, following up on bridesmaid gowns, (I had to do some of the alterations myself because of their lateness), fixing flowers on the day, handling a crying flower girl, going shopping on the day because she needed white underwear (who forgets that?)etc.

Your sister will always be your sister, and maybe she will come around?

Post # 14
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

@LadyElva:  I think that maybe your ‘best friend’ might have loved you!. Maybe before the engagement he was thinking that the relationship with your husband wouldn’t last, and then you got engaged, and then married. Maybe he is having a hard time dealing with that.

Post # 15
Member
1917 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@katepoppy:  It’d almost be good if that were the case, because at least there would be an explanation, but I probably should have mentioned that my friend is gay and has explicitly stated many times that he’s not interested in me romantically.

He’s had a lot of mental health problems over the past few years, which I think has affected his willingness to interact with others (including me), but I find it strange that he seems to be going out of his way to ignore the fact that I even got married!

Post # 16
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

 i dont think our wedding ruined any relationships (some of these stories are awful! I’m so sorry for you guys!) but excluding a few old friends from the guest list probably means we wont be seeing any of them again… what is it with high school friends and thinking that a friendship can just lie dormant until wedding time? yes, we were really close at school, spent all our time together, talked about our future weddings etc etc. but if I have only seen you three times in the last seven years, and you have never met my husband (or you have and you were rude to him), what makes you think you’re automatically invited to the wedding?

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