Post # 1
My husband and I didn’t live together before getting married, and waited until getting married to sleep together, so it would have been tricky to a) get pregnant and b) raise the child together before the wedding. My husband and I also wanted to wait to have kids so we could spent time together traveling and enjoying each other before enlarging our family. Especially since we didn’t live together – we knew that would be a transition in itself!
I think my mom would have been thrilled with some baby news before the wedding (grandbaby fever!) but my MIL would have had a meltdown, as she is very old-fashioned.
I have a lot of friends that didn’t wait until they were married to have children and some that purposefully started trying as the wedding approached because they wanted to have kids right away. I also have some friends like myself who didn’t want kids before marriage.
PS – This thread was not meant to be judgemental on either viewpoint, but just to share our stories 🙂
Post # 2
LindyLu: I had the kid first, then got married this past May. I don’t know, I think it’s definitely to each it’s own. My husband and I lived together before she was born, and I don’t think we’d change how things happened. I know that several people judged us, and several people still judge us. If they don’t see our rings and think we’re just in the store as an unmarried couple with a child.
Post # 3
Never. But I’m old school.
Post # 4
LindyLu: I my son, and then married a guy who was not his father. I was never married before. The three of us make a great family– but we have a fourth family member on the way.
I don’t know if people ever judged me, and frankly, I don’t care.
Thankfully, my husband has accepted my son from the start- I worked with him before we dated, and he had met my son before we started dating….so he was fully aware of him.
I don’t know what to tell you- I wouldn’t do anything different. My experience having a kid before marriage was just great.
Post # 6
Meh to each their own. We had our son after we were married but I was pregnant before we got married. I don’t see an issue either way honestly. In today’s world it doesn’t matter before or after.
Post # 7
I voted no because I haven’t had a kid yet and the wedding is only 5 months away so I’m assuming I’m safe to say I won’t be having one before. But if I’d got pregnant we would havekept it. I also think if I’d got pregnant before I met my FI I would probably have kept it so I could have answered yes for the would bit. Having said that though I can’t imagine many scenarios where I would have planned a baby with someone I wasn’t married to. Not because there’s anything wrong with it but because I think having a baby with someone is in many ways a bigger commitment than marriage, you will always be the child’s parents and presumably unless one of you is awful you will have to deal with each other as parents of the same child forever, whereas if you’re just married you can get divorced and never see each other again. If someone isn’t willing to commit to the marrying me bit, why should I believe that they are willing to commit to a life time of parenting with me.
Post # 8
I would. Before we got engaged my now FI and I had planned to start TTC as soon as we purchased a house (aiming for late next year). We are both ready now but want to be more financially secure before we add a baby to the mix. Now that we are engaged and planning a wedding for early 2016 we figure we will probably wait because I don’t want to be pregnant on my wedding day.
I think that as long as you are financially stable and in a committed relationship why should you have to wait until you are married to start a family.
Post # 9
I’m not at all religous, so yes. And I am.
We don’t feel like we’re missing out on experiencing being together as we’ve been living together several years already.
And to be honest a family is more important than a wedding to me. We know we love each other, we know we’re committed to one another and we know we’re a family. We’ll be getting married in the future though.
Post # 10
No… I had my son after getting married the first time… I also would not have kids outside of this marriage. It is not my cup of tea for a number of reasons…
Post # 11
LindyLu: DH and I wanted to be married before we had a child, but if it had happened we wouldn’t have freaked out at the whole not being married yet thing. We have always been in a stable, loving relationship and knew we’d be committed to one another regardless of marriage, but getting married was important to us. We would not have intentionally tried to become pregnant before our wedding (though I had one bout of serious baby fever a few years ago where I didn’t care lol). I think whatever works for the couple is fine.
Post # 12
We plan on waiting to have kids until we’ve been married for a few years. We’re young and not in a rush so this works for us. Everyone is different though.
Post # 13
- Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa
I wouldn’t on purpose, no. Before we got married, we weren’t ready for the responsibility of kids (and still aren’t!). Maybe a little bit of it could be about how others would view it (it’s not usually very difficult to prevent an unplanned pregnancy. I know there are exceptions- the failure rate of your birth control pill can line up with the failure of the condom, for example).
So, I guess for those who planned the kid, I’m not as judgemental about it. However, tht does raise a question in my mind- why so urgent to have a kid? Why not get married (sooner than you had planned) before the kid, anyway? I suppose if there was a medical reason why they needed to get pregant right away, I would understand, but I’m sure most people wouldn’t share that information.
To each their own, I suppose! I just would be so mad at myself if I had gotten pregnant before we were married.
Post # 14
Due to family tradition and cultures etc we weren’t allowed to live together or even spend the night together until marriage. Although in saying that if we did unintentionally fell pregnant we would have definitely kept it … it’s just we prefer to be marry first