- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
Bees, I need your help to hopefully prove my DH wrong lol (I know that sounds awful - oops). Anyway I personally don't want to tell people (mostly meaning close family and even friends) when we are TTC. One reason is because I have reproductive problems and this could take awhile for us to actually conceive so if it gets to the point where we are having issues I don't want to have to be questioned about it or have people wondering what the hold up is. Another reason is because what if for some reason our parents would prefer for us to wait? I don't want to have to justify our reasoning on why we are choosing this to anyone. I don't really think my parents would object but you never know - even when we got married his mom wanted him to wait until after med school which would have sucked dating for 7 years then waiting another 8 years for DH to finish school.
So anyway would you tell people when you TTC? If so, who? He wants to tell our parents but personally I would rather keep something like that between the two of us. We want to start trying pretty soon, so I would tell my best friend who is also trying to conceive and my other best friend who really would need to know because I am her MOH. And don't worry, I would make sure I wouldn't be ready to pop right at the time of her wedding.
**EDIT** I totally forgot to mention that I love the fact that it was my DH's idea to make this a bee poll :)
Nope. If you can't get pregnant imagine the heart ache every time someone brings it up. I wouldn't tell anyone. Just keep it private.
The only reason I'd consider telling a close friend or two is because it's likely that we'll TTC around the same time (shortly after we're done with graduate school). If it comes up in conversation, I'd consider letting our parents know. Having said that, our parents understand that there are boundaries and our decisions are our's alone.
Out of curiousity, are you planning on TTC when your husband is in med school/ residency? I go to school with medicine/ pharmacy students (and know quite a few medical residents), and it seems extra stressful when the person has a spouse, let alone a child. Of course there are couples/ families who do get through it unscathed though too :)
@EvaBostonTerrier: Yep! He will be in medical school still. We definitely don't want to have a newborn while he is in residency, but with my schedule we know it will be doable while he is in school still. Waiting until he is totally done isn't really an option for us because like I said before, I do have reproductive problems.
I wouldn't because then I feel like people would always be asking about it or hinting about babies. People do it even if the don't know you're TTC so why have all the added pressure of them asking you every month.
However if it ends up taking a while and you NEED someone to talk to I'd tell a close friend or family member so you at least have someone else that could offer support.
i voted i wouldnt tell anyone, especially if i thought i would have problems conceiving. maybe after some time if you do have issues (which i dont hope you wont) you might share this with someone but i would give it some "just us" time for now
@camrie: That is so true! As soon as we got married it took about a day for people to ask us when we were going to have a baby. Even in some of our cards from guests it had mention of "can't wait to see your little ones!".
I don't think we will tell anyone either. I think it will be a lot of pressure and nosy, uneccessary questions. I'll probably tell my Mom though...LOL. I tell her pretty much everything.
I don't think I'd tell anyone except maybe - MAYBE - my closest friends. But maybe not even that. It's pretty personal. I feel like some people would be grossed out that I was telling them, and the other people would pester me with awkward, awkward questions.
No, just no.
@bloodgo1: I completely understand the whole timing thing. If it were up to see, we'd start TTC now, but it's just not feasible. We'll probably start TTC while I'm in residency (it's a one additional year program for my field of study) with the goal of having the baby a few months after finishing. One a side note, I know a guy in grad school who is married and had his third child recently. All the kids are less than 4 years old. I think it helps a lot that his wife stays home full-time though!
Re: the poll. I'm surprised so few people would tell anyone!
We definitely won't be telling anyone once that time comes. We have several friends who are trying right now, and every time we see them, we're watching to see if she's drinking alcohol. I would never ask, but I know that people often do, which is a lot of pressure.
We didn't tell anyone specifically OK now we're trying. A couple of my friends around wedding time asked if we had a timeline for kids and I gave them a vague sort of when we were thinking about it answer. We didn't tell either of our parents anything though we did joke around about kids so they knew we were planning on having htem at some point.
My husbands doing a dual degree so we also chose to have a baby before he finishes up med school. Too long of a process to wait but we think it will work out just fine.
umm my parents' toast to us at the wedding mentioned "pitter patter of little feet" and then in our guest book, a parent wrote "grandchildren are a must!" subtle, right?
even now, anytime i mention that i'm tired or hungry or anything that could even slightly be considered something to do with PG, my mom says "maybe you're pregnant"
i don't think you need to tell anyone. when people ask, we say we're just going to let things happen when they happen even though we are putting a little more thought, effort and planning into it right now. its kinda sorta true. the only reason i have said anything is because i have 6 weddings to go to next year, 3 of which i'm in and 1 that is my sister so i have mentioned that fact that its possible i may be PG and they'll just have to deal. but other than that, really its no one's business. i feel like it could create undue pressure, which is not good, especially since you already have some reproductive concerns anyway.
Both our sets of parents know we want kids; and I told my mom a general time frame (we'll probably start trying next year). But I don't think we'll be like "okay, we officially started trying!", and I don't even want to tell anyone for a few months after I get pregnant.
Didn't and wouldn't. No one's business, and not really something I'd care to talk about on an on-going basis.
don't. especially since you may have trouble conceiving, every time someone mentions your quest, it could hurt.
We are going through treatments for infertility and I am very honest and open about it with our immediate families and our friends. For me it helps me get through the month after month of negative tests and the rough treatments.
Letting people know that infertility is rough and that sometimes people need a little extra help seems to be my new mission in life...
I too have reproductive problems and I would keep the TTC to myself for a while. Then i'm sure i'd have to open up, if there was problems as expected if I luck out and it's not a problem I'd be blabbing to everyone. But I'd want to keep it to myself for a few months.
I told my sister in law (who I've known half my life, and who is like a sister to me) and my BFF (who's so excited to be Auntie C she seriously/jokingly threatened to poke holes in our condoms--moot point, since we're not using them). My husband told one of his groomsman and his wife (she she just had their second and has been very pointedly asking when we're going to start). Well he didn't so much tell them we are TTC, but told them we are "taking the fast track to having kids" which essentially amounts to the same thing. But I'm deadset against telling anyone else.
I wouldn't. I also have reproductive issues and we're already counting on it being pretty difficult to get pregnant. The last thing I'll want is some nosey family member or friend asking how its going. IMO, totally none of their business.
After some time of trying with no success, I would probably confide in someone (my mom maybe) but I would certainly not let my "issues" be known to everyone.
We didn't tell anyone we were TTC with any of our kids. Our first was an oops baby (failed contraception) before we were even engaged. We didn't say a word about TTC the others.
Well my family & good friends know about my PCOS and they know I want children, so we're not going to ANNOUNCE anything, but if they want to assume we're trying that's fine. Like I said, all of the people I would want to know, already know that we aren't trying NOT to conceive even now, so I guess they assume (and a few have been explicitly told) that we're not using any sort of protection once we're married. I think it makes it different and depends on what you talk about with friends/family. I mean I'm not going to be like "OKAY we're trying now!" But I think everyone knows we will not be attempting to prevent a pregnancy. If that made sense..
@AmeliaBedelia: It made sense lol no worries :) Thank you for posting about your mom in my other thread! The one thing I have always wanted was to have a family so having endo always scared me and then when they hit me with the possibility of PCOS it was just like a double punch in the gut.
I agree with most that it would be weird to just announce to the world "Hey! We're starting now!" because then I feel like everyone would just be waiting for us to tell them we were pregnant. Plus, I don't really want to tell my MIL that I'm going to be getting busy with her son all of the time. I mean we're married so she knows - but she is a tad bit scary still lol
I won't. My oldest brother and his wife announced they were going to start trying a few years after they got married, but somewhere along the way they stopped trying and never really explained why. They've been married 9 years now, and it's still a constant source of questioning from family. Luckily, my parents realize that it's not their business, it's a private matter, so they don't pry, but extended family are constantly asking about when they're going to have kids. I even have aunts and uncles asking me if they're having conception problems, which leaves me flabbergasted. I think putting it out there that they were trying just made the speculation and anticipation worse for family and friends. I'll want to keep it quiet until I have actual baby news to share.
We didn't tell everyone and I'm glad :) It was a nice time for my husband and I to enjoy between just us two.
I'd tell my MOH. I tell her every detail of my life and vice versa... any omission basically feels like a lie at this point :)
I wouldn't tell anyone else because to me, saying "we're ttc" is the same as saying "we're planning to have a LOT of sex" and that creeps me out! lol.
@bloodgo1: Haha, no problem. I didn't actually know that she'd had endo until I got diagnosed with PCOS a while back. But yeah it's a source of hope for me as well, because it took her about 6 months to get pregnant with me. :) Glad it made sense, haha.
We didn't tell anyone when we were even talking about TTC. We figured if we had problems we'd like to keep them just between us until we felt ready to discuss our roadblocks with others. Luckily, we didn't end up encountering any, but ya never know.
We've actually discussed this since I have some issues in that area. We decided that we would keep it to ourselves and that we will not talk about children with our family. His family is kind of nosey about these things.
For us, it is assumed that we are trying given our ages, in fact, we had a shorter engagement because we wanted to try sooner. But if I were under 35, I wouldn't tell. Too much pressure, plus it's nice having a secret you share with your hubby.
I wouldn't tell anyone no matter what! I've even thought about keeping it a secret until we know if it's a boy or girl with the second one. I've already had one and he was a surprise but we didn't tell very many people about it at first because we weren't even together when we concieved. I'd keep it a secret because I don't want people asking questions if it takes us awhile. His aunt told everyone she was going to try to have a baby and no one in his family mentioned it because they tried when they first got married 15 years ago and it didn't happen so everyone knew to let her bring it up when she wanted to. She kept us updated on her fertility appointments and that opened a few questions like what they planned next but that's it because we know how hard it is on her. If people know about your problem they shouldn't mention it but if you don't feel comfortable telling people that I wouldn't mention TTC at all.
I have fertility problems myself. I was recently diagnosed with low progesterone so it will be difficult for me to maintain a pregnancy and I will have to take hormone injections. I have been completely open with people and that means pretty much everyone. For me, it makes it easier because they know I am having issues and will stop pressuring me and being nosey. It also is nice to find support in the strangest plaaces from people with similar issues.
So to clarify, I have told people I have minor fertility problems and that when we do try they will know when we are successful. That way people know we are contemplating TTC but aren't sure when we actually are.
I told my mom and sister and a couple of my closest friends. We didn't end up trying for very long but it was nice to have them 'in the loop' and they didn't ask questions or bother me, they just sent lots of good vibes!
I wouldn't tell anyone. Like others mentioned, it's just an invitation for lots of questions, and even two perfectly healthy and fertile people can take months to conceive. My coworker just got married and made the mistake of letting it be known around the office that he and his wife were going off birth control the day after the wedding, and you better believe everyone is speculating when she will get pregnant.
If you must talk about it with someone, I'd chose your most trustworthy friend and swear her or him to secrecy.
I think my mom although she wants grandchildren and would be super happy for us, kinda wants us to wait. She knows DH job isn't stable right now and my sister isn't even out of high school yet. I think it would just be too much for her to think about us having a kid when her other daughter is still living at home.
Anyways, we probably aren't going to start TTC for another year or two. When that time does come, I may talk to my MOH/best friend if I start having trouble. By that point I dont' think any of our friends would be surprised if we were TTC.
@CorgiTales: OMG I thought I was going to have to be the first to point out the SEX part, lol!
I was gonna be immature and say, "No, I wouldn't tell either my parents or his that we were screwing like rabbits currently and would continue to do so until I was pregnant."
In fact, you can be a total freak like me and take things one step further. With that mental image in my head, I'm now imagining both sets of parents with letter jackets on and pom poms, cheering us on while we're GETTING IT ON!
YEAH!! WOOO HOO! YOU CAN DO IT!!!!
Weird. The dichotomy between the desire for children and the desire to keep your sex life away from your parents' thoughts is too weird.
Girl I feel you. I did figure out that one of my friends is TTC because she was drinking cranberry not cranberry and vodka like she said she was (it was in a different cup, totally obvious) and she let us know but swore us to secrecy. I will not bring it up ever again, knowing that is a lot of pressure for. Anyways, I am surprised that I know when all of DH's friend's wives are off birth control. I know who's trying! I told DH that because of my endo, I don't want him blabbing to ANY of his friends when we are TTC. I told him it's very personal for me and I just want to keep it between the two of us. But if someone flat out ASKS me, I'm not going to lie but I'll find a way to be dodgy about it.
I told him that the only exception would be if my Mom flat out asked me (she knows I don't have periods on purpose and there's a solid chance i'll slip up and mention my period one day...or if i say I threw up or something, she'll call me on it--but she also thinks we're planning on TTC in a couple of years, so I won't be volunteering any information) or my one really close friend who just had a baby. She already knows we'll be TTC this year and honestly, she's just the perfect person to have to talk to. I told him I'd just like to have someone to talk to about it who has just gone through it all who I know is not a blabber mouth, who will be encouraging and sweet, but not rude, ever.
Frankly, I'm going in expecting problems. If we do, we're one of thousands of couples. If i could expect people not to badger/ask me about it all the time, I wouldn't mind so much. But it's the badgering I want to avoid, and the spreading through the grape vine.
We didn't tell anybody when we TTC the first time. I didn't want people constantly asking if we're pregnant, especially if we had trouble getting pregnant. It's hard enough to go through without having people ask you about it all the time.
After I did get pregnant, I miscarried after 6 weeks. We had told our families that we were pregnant, so this time they already pretty much knew we were going to be ttc again. But after everything we'd already gone through, they knew not to pressure us.
I don't want to tell anybody! DH's sister has always said mean things to me about kids because I'm not really a baby person and everyone in his family has kids. His sister even said one time to me that she never thought I'd be a good mother but maybe since I like puppies I might have a chance. So I honestly don't think it's any of their business and I wouldn't want any of their negativity.
As for my mom, I wouldn't want to tell her because she would get wayyy to excited! I would want to wait to tell her when we were actually pregnant and surprise her!
And I def. wouldn't be telling any of my friends since most of them know/see DH's family or my family and talk spreads really really fast! We live in a very small community!
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| simpleandchic | 4 |
| j_jaye | 3 |
| aussiebee | 3 |
| janetsnakehole | 3 |
| MabelleBliss | 2 |
| MrsMSmith | 2 |
| mariaseychelles | 2 |
| MrsOliveBird | 1 |
| ticatica | 1 |
| Kewii | 1 |
Sorry, there are no users yet.
