Post # 1
When my fiance proposed, he hadn’t bought a ring yet. He wanted my input before he would commit to buying anything. Well, I’m really not a jewelry girl and I had been telling him all along that I’m not into big rings. (He’s into flashy jewelry.) So we decided that since I needed a car and the house needed new furniture, we’d purchase that instead. I’m happy with it and he was able to purchase me a fabulous wedding band which suits me more than any ring he would have picked for an e ring.
Now when people ask me about it, I just laugh and point to my car or my sofa and say it was too big to fit on my finger. Most people think it’s funny but I do get those who persist in saying he should have got me a ring or, worse, say he’s cheap for not buying me one.
How do I deal with these people and do you know anyone in a similar situation?
Post # 3
I know a lot of brides who didn’t get an e-ring; it can be a big expense, especially with the way our economy is today. I would simply let them know that you had decided against an e-ring in favor of something more suitable. If they persist, remind them that opinions are like… y ou know what, everyone has one!
Best of luck!
Post # 4
How rude! He was sweet enough to respect what you asked for! Would that all men were so nice!! I would simply tell these people (the ones who insist that you should have gotten an ering) that material things don’t prove you love someone and you feel bad for girls who get erings, and they’re FHs don’t even mean it.
Post # 5
You do not under any circumstances have to explain the choices that you and your FH make to anyone! If they still insisit on saying hurtful things like your FI is cheap, I would simplly tell them that that is very hurtful and you appreciate them keeping these types of comments to themselves. It’s totally cool and quite awesome that you and your FH were able to strike a balance with your finances and desires! 🙂
Post # 6
People are are just inconsiderate sometimes. I do not have an engagement ring, since I proposed to my FI. It’s usually the first thing people look for once they hear I am engaged and I proudly tell them that I don’t need one, that I proposed to him and that we’re happy to be saving the money for the wedding.
Keep up your positive attitude and smile!! It’s your life and how you guys spend you money is up to you!
Post # 7
I have a friend who is Seveth Day Adventist- they typically don’t wear jewelry (some do make exceptions for wedding bands) so she has neither an ering nor a wedding band. She does get remarks from people who don’t understand. Granted she has the arguement that it is her faith that prohibits it, but she still gets comments.
If I were you I wouldn’t bother pointing to the car or the furniture- because that makes it seem as though you could have gotten a ring or a car. You simply didn’t want a ring so you spent the money on the car. It’s not like you chose between them.
So when people ask just say you didn’t want one. Can’t really argue with that! What will they say, "Yes you did want a ring!"
Post # 8
I wanted to use our money for our wedding since we paid for it ourselves so I just got a nice fake one for the wedding and pics. No one ever knew the difference. My husband surprised me on valentine’s day with a nice diamond band that I can wear to work instead of my plain titanium band.
I would just tell those people that you opted for a car since a ring can’t drive you to work..lol.
Here is my fake ring, our families didn’t even know it was fake.
Post # 9
I don’t have any great solution for you. But my dad bought my mom a car instead of a ring. He’s since bought her plenty of diamonds so she tells people she made out better in the long run. If you are happy that’s all that matters.
Post # 10
It’s amazing how rude people can be about matters that have nothing to do with them — especially when an engagement or wedding is involved! I agree with lreighard1 that no explanation is required at all. It’s really none of their business what you and your FH do with your hard-earned money.
Post # 11
I told my finance I didn’t want an engagement ring too, and he respected my wishes.
Most people have accepted it when I tell them that I just don’t want one. Only one or two have pressed the matter and I just tell them repeatedly that 1) it’s not my style and 2) my mom and grandmother didn’t have e-rings either, so it’s not a big deal in my family.
My finance is convinced that his friends all think he’s a cheapskate. But I think they know that I’m a pretty non-traditional girl and accept that I like to do things differently.
Post # 12
I didn’t get one either though I did get a set (necklace and earrings) of sapphire solitaires. I didn’t want a ring until our wedding day. Even though my engagement jewelry is gorgeous and he picked it out, people still react very oddly. And even though I don’t really care what people think, it does bother me that people don’t really say anything about my jewelry even though I know they would ooh and ah over an ering (that very likely would’ve cost less). Not that I care about the cost, but just that I totally get what it’s like to have people think your FH is a cheapskate and how irritating it is to have people think that of him.
As far as dealing with it, it’s hit or miss whether I tell people I got the other engagement jewelry. And when they ask, b/c they almost always ask, I just joke that I told him I’m not wearing a ring until he does. Those who know me well or who aren’t stuck in the 18th Century seem to get it at least. One friend’s GF laughed and said that was so great b/c it was totally us…which I really appreciated.
Post # 13
Wow, it’s amazing how weddings just take the filter off people, and they feel they can say out loud anything that comes to mind. When people are downright rude, you don’t owe them anything more than a cold stare.
Post # 14
- Wedding: August 2009 - St. Thomas of Villanova Church & the F.U.E.L. House
Oh my gosh, people can really be so rude! I’d just be honest — he proposed sans ring, and you’re looking forward to figuring this out together!
Post # 15
Um…..what…even if it was a $6,000 car….compared with even a pricey $2,000 ring? How the #&@% is that cheap??
People are ridiculous. Tell them to shut their mouths 😀 😀