Post # 1
So…when we got married Darling Husband was of the 3 year mind frame until babies, I was more on the 2 year time frame. Not a big gap – I figured we could easily work it out. Recently, Darling Husband has agreed that he thinks 2 years is a solid timeframe. I plan to tell him this fall (after 1 year of marriage) that in a few months I am going to go off BC to start to regulate my cycle…
Here’s where the fun comes in…he went to visit some friends this weekend who have a couple of youngsters…not the most well-behaved youngsters…and now he’s all flipped out again! Anyone else had to go through this? I know I need to speak to him and help him understand that while yes kids are a lot of work their behavior can also be managed with good parenting -but I dont want him to think I am slamming his friends…
Post # 3
You owe it to him and your marriage to tell him your time line ASAP. Don’t worry about other people’s kids, I’m sure he’s smart enough to know that not all people/children are the same.
Post # 4
Your marriage is unique, and your parenting style will be as well. As long as you guys have faith in each other, you can have faith in your ability to parent together. I think that faith starts with getting back on the same page and trying to make a pact that you won’t let other people and their kids mess with your minds. It’s so easy to do! But what’s important is that you guys are on the same team. 🙂
Post # 5
@jboltz19: I hear ya. We recently had the pleasure of watching our 3 and 1 1/2 year old nephews over the weekend. Let me just say, it took a whole month before we were intimate for fear of making a little human. It took some time before Darling Husband was able to warm up to the idea again.
We both want kids, but it’s a lot of mental wrangling over a life changing committment; nightlife vs. birthday parties, vacations vs. day care, naps vs. 2 am feedings. Right when I think he’s ready a friend’s child will projectile vomit and it’s back to square one. It almost feels like we need to get to a point where we want kids more than we want a clean house and that’s when we’ll be ready. Sometimes, I honestly think Darling Husband won’t be actually ready to be a daddy until he wakes up in the middle of the night to feed the little one. And as he’s stumbling down hallway towards a shrieking infant he’ll be super excited to warm up that bottle.
Post # 6
@PinkPandaBear: This! You totally get it…that is exactly where I am and where Darling Husband is. I think you are 100% right and for Darling Husband he will just have to accept never being fully ready until it happens to him. I think I’ll always feel like I am nudging but I guess thats ok! Like you, I know once it’s upon him – he’ll love every minute of it! So glad someone else is going through the same thing!
Post # 7
@jboltz19: Totally! He was the same way about the wedding/marriage thing too. I knew he loved me but wasn’t in love with the idea of marriage until literally 2 minutes after the ceremony. Then he was like ‘oh, you’re my wife? This is so awesome!!!’ I think it takes longer for the appeal of children to sink in with guys, but they get there sooner or later. 🙂
Post # 8
“ I know I need to speak to him and help him understand that while yes kids are a lot of work their behavior can also be managed with good parenting -but I dont want him to think I am slamming his friends…”
Well… yes and no. Sometimes a child just has a difficult personality. I’ve seen many friends parent their two kids the same way and parent well, and one is just plain difficult. I wouldn’t make any promises to your husband that you’ll have a good kid if you are good parents. It may be easier to just say “well yeah it’s going to be damn hard, but it will be worth it” and let him come around.
Post # 9
@Lt.Columbo: 100% agree,,,the child in question is allowed to throw things at restaurants without reprimand (instead its followed with chuckles from the parents)…I dont know about you but I would have been hauled to the car for a time out if I had done that. So yes, I completely agree that parenting is not 100% of the problem – but in this case unfortunately it amplifies what might be a slightly more “rowdy” child! 🙂
Post # 10
@jboltz19: lol gotcha. Not very great parenting going on there…
Post # 11
My husband and I were on a “kids in 2-3 years” timeline when we got married (7.23.11). Then, on our honeymoon, we were having fun and discussed 5 years. I got baby fever within a month, and wanted to TTC asap. He said “3 years”. I said “1”…blah blah, then he said on our 1 year anniversary we could try. (he was so, so against having kids early and even that he wasn’t sure about!)
I didn’t pressure him, but I guess he really got used to the idea because we started trying in January. I’ve talked to him and he says he was just scared before, mostly financially. What’s funny is it took him a while to realize he really shouldn’t worry, because we have a huge savings and he saw people around us with kids/having kids with a LOT less money than us. Other than that, he wanted kids!
Now, he’s excited. 🙂 This is our 2nd month TTC, with a chemical pregnancy last month.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that with some conversation, he will come around. Also, find some “good” kids for him to be around. GL!