Different expectations in a relationship

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 4
Member
2873 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Expecations can cover such a wide range of things, but I think a lot of what can cause break ups is some sort of expectation that the other person isn’t fulfilling.  If there isn’t middle ground that can be found, than thats a good sign that the relationship won’t work out long term. 

Post # 7
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@weddingbee098:  Ask the VIPs (parents, siblings, best friends, etc…) what they think before booking it. I personally don’t like Sunday weddings but I have a small family that is pretty religious so they would never get married on a Sunday due to church.  Be prepared for some flack but if the people you really want to be there can be there on a Sunday, then do it.

I had a friend who booked her wedding for a Sunday.  I RSVP’d no due to not being able to afford to take the Monday off work (not to mention I had to be in Court by 8am and the wedding was being held out of town.)  Then she called me a week or two before her wedding to find out why I wasn’t coming since she had rescheduled to Saturday at the last minute.  By then I had already made other plans that I couldn’t cancel due to us having already purchased tickets.

Post # 6
Member
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

My inlaws aren’t on FB so instead i get the chain mail. 

DONT DELETE OR YOU WILL DIE!

FORWARD IF YOU LOVE YOUR PET!

CUTE Poem to Brighten Your Day!

delete. delete. delete

Post # 3
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Jay243:  If you guys are sexually active, get tested immediately. He did an extremely dangerous and selfish thing by doing this behind your back and exposing you to all kinds of disease.

He may be the perfect guy in every other way but he didn’t think about your health and safety. That’s a biggie.

Post # 5
Member
2368 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

 Obviously, no two people are going to be lockstep in line together with their goals and wants. But if two people are going in completely different directions, that’s not going to work out. For example, one of my ex boyfriends had a goal and expectation of a relationship to progress to marriage, followed by children. I have always been CBC, and will never change that. So we were functionally incompatible. Now, if it was a situation where he wanted children within 2 years, and I was thinking of children in 4 years, that can be compromised on. It’s all situational.

Post # 7
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@laurenelizaberry:  It just matters how much the expectations matter to that person whether or not it would be a dealbreaker. I think we go into a relationship knowing what can be compromised on and what cant. If whatever expectation is something you cannot move past in a relationship then its a dealbreaker. I do agree compromise is the biggest thing and I do think when everything else is right in a relationship that you are more willing to compromise than in a relationship where you have doubts.

Post # 8
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

@Allyg:  childless by choice

 

My FI and I probably have differnt ideas about relationships, but we are gradually compromosing and moving towards a balance.

Post # 9
Member
932 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think expectations are going to always differ because you have two different people coming from two different backgrounds, but you have to constant communicate what you need and expect and so does the other person and you both have to be willing ot find some common ground and meet in the middle. 

There are some people who feel like it’s not the amount of time they spend together but the quality of the time, there are others who may feel like they need to be with their signifigant other every waking moment.  Somehwere in the middle lies the balance.

For example, my hubby when we were dating, loved to talk to me several times a day throughout the day while we were both working, he just loved ot hear my voice.  I despise talking on the phone, especially when I am driving, I like to listen to my music to decompress or relax at the start of the day.  So, in the morning, he would just tell me to text him when I got to work.   He will usally call to tell me he is leaving work and we willl chat for a bit on the way home.  If he can tell I need to decompress, he would say “babe listen to your music and call me when you get home”.

We met in the middle… the talker and the non talker. 

 

 

Post # 10
Member
523 posts
Busy bee

I was his first relationship (at 21) so I think he didn’t really have many expectations of certain behaviors he expected or ways we would interact going in.

So far things have worked really well. We are living apart and he’s in grad school and I’m hopefully going to be entering in the fall. It sucks but we both realize that this relationship is what we want. Hopefully when we get to finally live together (it’ll be like 6 years at that point. Yikes!) it’ll go smoothly.

Post # 11
Member
2368 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Allyg:   Childless by choice. In my case, my tubes were tied, so it’s a permanent choice 🙂

Post # 12
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@laurenelizaberry:  I’d say it’s the values and ideals that you share. If the core things that you expect and hold to a higher value are not in agreement, then it may not be the best relationship for you to be in. 

However, being open, honest, and looking for a way to meet both people’s needs for time together, gifts, acts of service, etc is good for building a lasting relationship.

Post # 13
Member
906 posts
Busy bee

When I do get serious with someone I want to adopt children, not have my own kids but if need be I would compromise and have one kid via pregnancy but that’s it. My other expectations will also be I want time to myself once in a while to spend time with friends and or do other hobbies/interests. As far as spending time with family when I am in the dating stage I want some time to myself to spend with family but once I live with this person and during engagement, and marriage then our family time will be a joint activity. 

Post # 14
Member
1360 posts
Bumble bee

@laurenelizaberry:  Depends. SO and I have some different expectations about our relationship. Generally, we argue (respectfully, not like screaming at each other) for a while, end up finding common ground and compromising.

But if it was something like whether or not to have children, I don’t think I would compromise if we disagreed.

And all of this: @nadnuk

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