Post # 1
I just needed to vent/some moral support on this one: talks wtih BF about being on the same page about our future went well, and his suitable timeframe to ‘figure things out’ is 2-4 months. Eek! It’s going to be an antsy summer for me 🙂
I’m on Mr Bee’s plan now of not talking about it and keeping myself busy with things that make me happy.
But…one of BF’s friends is getting engaged soon. And they’ll be at my birthday party next month. AND he bought her a HUGE DIAMOND. I mean, at least 3 carats, good quality. BF and his co-worker looked up diamond websites when they found out to see what it would cost and it’s over 50k!! We were talking about this and I was following Mr Bee’s “take mony out of the equation” rule. I mean, honestly, I don’t think a ring needs to be any more than 4-5k, 10 at the very most if your guy has a ton of money. So I told him you can get a good ring for 4-5k and he said No you can’t, that would be too small/not pretty, etc. I let him know I’d be happy with a modest ring, and I wouldn’t want a HUGE ring expense to be an obstacle and while I certainly wouldn’t complain about an expensive ring, I’d feel uncomfortable wearing something every day that was so expensive.
So, knowing what I know about rings, that they sometimes take months to get made, etc. I’m just anxious that this could take even longer than his timeframe if he really feels he needs a high-quality, high-cost ring. We haven’t talked about ring shopping or anything yet, we’re not at that point.
I know I did my part by letting him know I don’t need this, but I just needed to vent on the topic.
And I’m sure his friend will have proposed by my birthday and she’ll be there with her HUGE SHINY RING. And I’ll be happy for her! But I hope my happiness will not come across as me being really excited about the big $$$ ring. And further reinfornce his idea that he would need to do something like that.
Ultimately it’s his proposal and he gets to do it however he wants, but I’d prefer to be engaged sooner with something that is more fitting for my lifestyle. Thanks for listening!
Post # 3
I’m sorry, that sucks! It looks like you’re getting pretty close though!
As far as your vent goes, I think you need to be really clear with your boyfriend about the amount of money you think is appropriate to spend on the ring… since there is such a huge discrepancy here. You will be sharing expenses soon. This isn’t really just “his” money anymore, if that makes sense. He should also listen to you about the style of ring you like, instead of blowing you off like that. I think you should approach the topic again after the birthday party.
Post # 4
Oh! Great idea 🙂 I told him that some people get Tacori’s get a center CZ since the setting already costs so much. He said if you’re getting a nice ring you should get a nice center stone too. I think the discrepency is due to our different social circles, he and his friends have more money than me and my friends. Even though I work very hard and probably make more than his friend’s GFs, the guys he knows make a lot more.
I will bring it up after the birthday party. I think when the time comes he probably will ask my input rather than just buy one without me knowing, he’s the kind of guy who wants me to have what I want. And I can direct him to rings that I would feel comfortable wearing with out being afraid of getting mugged, LOL!
Post # 5
I just can’t see spending that much money on a ring. My fiance let me pick mine out, he gave me a budget of $5000, I only spent $3000 (it appraises for over $4000, I did my research and put together a ring from reputable online jewelers to get more bang for my buck than a traditional jewelry store would offer) and am extremely happy with my ring, it’s exactly what I wanted.
2 reasons I went lower than our budget:
I didn’t want something so expensive that I’d be afraid to wear it and couldn’t enjoy it.
I’d rather spend that extra $2K on traveling or moving to another state (I want to move sooo bad!).
Post # 6
I told him that some people get Tacori’s get a center CZ since the setting already costs so much. He said if you’re getting a nice ring you should get a nice center stone too.
I’m with your SO there.LOL I’ve been wanting a Tacori for 9 yrs now, way before I met my SO, and I’d be agast at that suggestion. I just love those rings. I hope I get one. I better after the many times I’ve reminded him.
I think the ring should be what the man can afford and not have to go into the red doing it and miss out on improvements for the house, wedding or bills.
Post # 7
I suppose you’re right, it wouldnt’ be just “his” money if we were to get married, but for now it is. I think he might have gotten a bonus or it’s possible he has more money than I realize and therefore would think it was appropriate to spend more.
I agree with you that I wouldn’t want something I was “afraid” to wear. And if it would make something else I want to do (I want to travel more too) impossible than I would definitely go lower on the ring budget.
I suppose I have a “jewelry crush” on those rings too. Maybe I’ll feel differently when I start trying rings on.
I’ll be open-minded to having a nice ring now 🙂 I know he thinks his friend’s ring was too much to spend but he thought my budget was too low. Maybe we can meet in the middle somewhere.
Post # 8
Of course your BF wants to get you a big gorgeous ring because he loves you. But I also think that some guys see the e-ring as a status thing. I know my FH paid a lot of attention to the rings his friends gave their wives. Especially if many of your friends make lots of $$$ – he probably doesn’t want you to feel like shafted by your ring.
You’ve totally done your job by telling him you don’t need anything crazy. When you guys do eventually go ring shopping (and it sounds like it will happen sometime soon!!) make sure you point out that you really want the ring to suit you. Do some research and be prepared with ideas of what you like. I get a lot of comments about how “different” & “unique” my ring is – which is funny because I don’t think its all that different. Its a combination of yellow gold & white gold and its got a centre diamond with emeralds on either side. If you can choose a unique feature that you’d like your ring to have – it may convnice him that that’s more special and important than spending a ton of money.
Post # 9
I’ve told my BF that I don’t want a ring that costs much more than 500-600 pounds here in the UK (about 1000 USD).
This is first of all because I’ve seen some lovely rings that are about that price, and second because I don’t want him to spend loads of money on a ring when we have other financial priorities.
Maybe you can research rings yourself, and show him some inexpensive ones you like?
Post # 10
I voted for a “string.” My fiance proposed with literally that. But then bought me my wedding ring set that is $10k plus. I would say if he wants to and can afford it, let him. He loves you and thinks you deserve the world and probably wants to buy you the best (plus, a quality diamond can be traded in later much easily than one that is of poorer quality). Just make sure it is something you would want to wear though. It would be a shame for him to spend $10k or more on something you wouldn’t wear. I was given free reign on the setting and the stone type….i found that I was quite picky on what goes on my finger and overall look and feel of the rings (i never owed a ring before).
Post # 11
My husband would have to start running for his life if he ever bought me a 50k piece of jewlery. My ring was about $1300.
Make sure your bf knows what price/carat size would start make you uncomfortable or unhappy…especially since his friend seems to have gone a touch insane with the engagement ring he purchased and that could be clouding his judgement. Are they a competitive group of friends? You can absolutely have a beautiful ring for (way)under 5k.
Post # 12
It should totally be what he can afford. My husband gave me a sterling silver ring with CZs and I love it, and wore it every day.. no one ever asked me if it was diamonds.
Now we are getting one in white gold with czs and will replace the stones over the years. The goal is not to go broke, but show that you are taken and committed.
Right now I’m just wearing my weddng band & it’s beautiful.
Post # 13
I’m in a similar situation to yours. One of our coworkers got engaged last month, and I’m not sure about the details of her ring, but it looks pretty impressive — 2K, very pretty. When my SO and I have talked about rings, he always says he has to do something that’s “at least as good as hers,” and he’s more wowed by the sparkly additions of diamond accents and channels and whatnot than I am! I keep telling him that I’d be happy with a small, simple solitaire that’s less than 1K. Even when it comes to small diamonds, he likes almost perfect ones, while I’m happy with ones that look awesome enough to the naked eye without being perfect to jeweler’s instruments’ standards.
Last week, I browsed around looking at CZ and moissanite online for a long time and brought up the subject to him — I figured he wouldn’t go for it, and I was right. He said he didn’t want to be cheap and that I was worth diamonds (awwwww), even though that’ll mean that he has to save longer. We’re barely staying afloat financially as it is, so it’s kind of a bummer to me because I know we’ll have a looooong wait.
I think a lot of it comes down to man pride. Sometimes they have a lot of it. And you’re right, you did do your part! It’s good to read someone else’s vent on this… even though it’s a sucky situation to be in. ((((hugs))))
Post # 14
I”m not someone who is going to say “it is ridiculous to spend x on a ring!” I think a guy can spend whatever he feels comfortable spending and can afford and thats just fine. I would never cap the amount that i think is reasonable because everyone’s circumstances are different.
That being said, I totally agree with you. It should not be an obstacle and it certainly doesn’t have to be huge! I told my FI that I did NOT want him going into debt over a ring because once we were engaged i wanted to start saving for a wedding and i didn’t want us paying off my e-ring for years. He saved up what he could in 6 months and thats what he spent. I got a beautiful ring that he’s really proud of, and I’m also really proud of him for working so hard and sacrificing to save up as much as he did. It is really sweet that buying me a ring he thought I deserved was that important to him (not that a less expensive ring means anything… i just personally thought it was sweet how hard he worked to get me my ring).
Post # 15
I checked the “string” box, but really there wasn’t a box for what I thought. My favorite engagement rings are non-diamond rings (not only mine, but some friends have gorgeous ones as well). As far as diamonds are concerned, I’m VERY partial to heirloom diamonds that have a family history and meaning and somewhat skittish about buying newly mined diamonds. I think anything over 2k or so would make me really uncomfortable. I mean, I have friends with larger diamonds that are gorgeous, but for me and my partner??? It’s just not right.
Post # 16
I would’ve been happy with whatever DH could afford, realistically. That being said, I have a very nice ring and I love it to bits. It’s too flashy for most people, but it is great for me, and he could afford it comfortably. I know it’s amount most people would balk at but our financial situation is very different from most other peoples, so I always remind myself that there are people out there who make far more money than us!
If somebody has a 50K ring, i just hope they can REALLY afford it. Financing something like that would be insane! A lot of the CEOs and Execs I work with make so much money 50K is nothing…managers at my office make over 120K a year. Over a few years, they could certainly save up 50K for a ring. My husband’s BIL can purchase wholesale diamonds and said he could get a 3 carat stone for low 20’s. So i can’t help but wonder if sometimes people have a hook-up =]. And unless your friend has bragged about her large stones’ stats, it’s hard to say just HOW good of a stone it is. Very large flawless stones are not very common.
My dad bought my mom a new car for her birthday. Worth over 50K. I bet if she wanted a new ring, that’s what he would’ve given her, though.