Post # 1
I was wondering if anyone else has had a similar situation to mine, I feel like the only one. Ok so I have been with FI going on 3 years, we are long distance. We are both in our early 40s and have each been married once before.
The way the proposal happened was not some dramatic surprise or anything. Over the three years we discussed a lot how we wanted to be together forever (and initially no mention of marriage, just some one relocating when we can). That talk then evolved to marriage talk- it was kind of like he was feeling that out to see if I felt the same way about it. I did, I didn’t play any games and he knew if he asked I’d say yes. So the talk around marriage continues….then one night he asked me if I’d marry him while we were camping. The way he did it, I knew it was the ‘real’ asking even tho there was no ring. I said yes. Now we are going through the ring shopping and he thinks he will purchase it in January with a bonus he has coming. So foe me, it’s just kind of a calm, easy, one step to the next process. Nothing over the top, surprising or dramatic.
This doesn’t bother me, I just want to marry him- but I will admit it seems odd telling people I’m engaged, I feel like I should have this big story to tell, it’s like people expect one. I just love him and want to be with him, but it seems like people think it’s not ‘official’ or something- maybe the ring will help?
Can any one else relate?
Post # 3
Yes and no. FI and I were LDR for a while too and when he moved where I was, we got closer and over time and many discussions he had told me that he wanted to marry me.
Then like you and your FI we were discussing it one day due to our trying to purchase a house and we agreed that we were ready and would like to get married. He did get down on one knee later with a ring (which I like to call the presentation of the ring lol not a “real proposal” since we had discussed it already.)
People were underwhelmed by the presentation of the ring story which bugged me but I just never told it again except on the bee.
The ring will help others consider your engagement real but I considered my engagement real from the second we discussed it for real.
If you want you could just tell people “he proposed to me on a camping trip” and leave it at that. Theres no reason for people to pry. And since you don’t have a ring yet but are planning on getting one when they ask you can just say, “he wanted to wait so we could pick one together, he wanted to make sure I’d get something I like.” That should satisfy most questions. I’m going to tell people from now on that he proposed to me in our apartment right in front of my bookcase, after asking me to take the dogs on a walk so that he could put away the laundry. Tricky, tricky and such a surprise lol.
Post # 4
Thanks! Our stories have similarities so at least I don’t have to feel alone any more 🙂
I have been wondering myself about how the ring giving will go down- I consider the night he asked on the camping trip as THE PROPOSAL, I don’t want a reproposal with the ring, that doesn’t make sense to me. I guess if anything, the not having a ring when I get the inevitable ‘let’s see the ring’ response is the most awkward part- and i just say we are ring shopping right now to that one. But then of course pile that on with ‘no we haven’t decided who is relocating yet’, and ‘we won’t be getting married for at least 2 years’ on that, then I guess people think we aren’t serious about it! People like everything all tied up with a neat little bow on it, after all.
I guess who cares if some acquaintance at work isn’t completely entertained and delighted with my proposal story lol!
Post # 5
We were never in a long-distance relationship, but the whole talk-about-marriage-a-life-together-proposal thing was very undramatic. It was quick (we were dating for under five months when he proposed — eep!), yes, but nothing elaborate. One night we were falling asleep and I asked what he thought about our future. He was hesitant to answer because I was the one who was very reserved about the whole marriage-let’s-spend-our-lives-together-forever deal and he didn’t want to freak me out, but the man’s a romantic and after a little bit of persuasion (ahem, kissing), he told me that he thought about our future a lot, but didn’t want to “scare me off” by talking about too much, too soon. When I told him that he’s the first person who has ever made me want to get married and spend my life with, he turned into a grinning fool and the next few weeks we just casually showed each other pictures of rings and dresses and whatnot, getting into the gooey-romantic spirit of it all. And then he proposed. In his car, the day he bought the ring because, he “knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, and I don’t see the point in waiting since it’s what we both want”. And I said yes. 😀 And the next few days it just felt so…surreal. I was engaged? How had that happened? How was it all so completely stress free and natural and wonderful?
After that, we had to explain to people that our separate apartment leases and the number of dogs we had would keep us from moving in together for a full year. He had just moved into a new place with a year-long lease, and I still had four months left on my own. Between us, we had three dogs and no apartment around here allows that many. And so if we couldn’t live together yet, we obviously wouldn’t be getting married for a while. People were confused by the whole thing because I never talked with people about our relationship. It has always been such an easy, stress-free situation that there was never any need for venting or anything, and I am generally very private about things like that with people I know in person (like people at work, etc. Too much drama, getting people involved in my personal life. Online? Totally different story, obviously!), so when people started realizing I was wearing an engagement ring, they’re like, “What? Who? When? I thought he was ‘just a friend’!” It’s hard letting people into your world when they don’t understand unconventional ways of doing things (like NOT spreading my personal buisness around work) and so they don’t know the story as it’s unfolding and you have to try to make it clear that you’re NOT being impulsive or irrational and that just because you never announced it at work or on Facebook that you’re crazy about your boo-bear-snugglekins, it actually IS possible to be in love and in a healthy, happy relationship.
So, not the same situation at all, lol, but I get what you’re saying about how it just…flowed. How there was no big, dramatic, super-romantic (in the movie sort of way) gesture or story to tell. But I loved every moment of how it played out. It was very us. Very low key and intimate and perfect.
Post # 6
My husband asked me in the middle of a long night of talking. Nothing romantic, no ring. Then he formally asked my father before we made it public, and then we went ring shopping together. To us that was the proposal – the night he asked me to marry him. I sometimes get jealous when I hear of more romantic proposals, but then I remind myself the important thing is the man I’m married, not the proposal. But thank you both, I feel better.
Post # 7
Thank you for your stories, I guess my coworkers’ reactions had me feeling like my situation was odd. I actually loved the flowy-ness of the way our engagement came about, but it just doesn’t make for a good sound byte when people ask lol. Because all of our discussions leading up to the night he asked were focused around the marriage itself. We talked mostly about what that will be like, our expectations, etc. I do know that I wouldn’t change anything about it though 😉
Post # 8
I just went through this…in fact, FI asked me last night if I was disappointed in my “proposal”, to which I told him I considered the night he proposed to be a different night.
We had talked about getting married in very “grown-up” terms, and he did ask me one night, but without a ring or a big to-do.
We started planning on getting married June 2013, but didn’t really tell anyone about it, and I didn’t have a ring.
I got really sick (as in a long-term illness), and I was struggling handling working and being a single mom. One night I just started crying from exhaustion and he asked me to marry him right away so he could take care of me. I convinced him to let me plan something in for September (which was about 6 weeks away), and he agreed. I consider that my proposal. It was the most caring, loving, and romantic gesture that anyone has done for me.
He “proposed” 2 weeks ago with my ring, down on his knee, etc., while my 3 year old daughter poked his cheek and asked if he was done talking yet 😉 To me, that was just a formality, and although not what I dreamed of, it’s perfect for us.
Post # 9
Honestly, if it feels real to you, then that’s all that matters… FI and I had an odd “pre-engagement” proposal thing… We had talked about getting married a lot up to that point, and were actively making plans to get married before he even really proposed! So I like to think that we were *technically* engaged for a while, but at some point we decided a ring was necessary, and he’d bought one that I’d chosen as a favorite.
He took off work on a Monday that promised decent weather, and we wanted to go to this local village along a creek… lots of walking trails and waterfalls and such nice things. Anyway, the “decent weather” turned out to be a murky day with a constant dribble of rain… So after walking around on a few trails (which was actually me being dragged by him along these trails, as he had a place in mind where he wanted to bring me but couldn’t remember where it was!) we settled by an abandoned swimming area with, as luck would have it, a solitary dry boulder at the water’s edge.
He proposed standing ankle-deep in the water, with his head in my lap. Naturally, I said yes, and we went and got ice cream afterwards. xD Also, the place we went had terrible phone service, so I wasn’t able to text or update Facebook until we got home; which added a sort of intimacy.
OP, the route you’re taking is very similar to mine! It’s nice to feel like this journey is one you’re taking together, from the start, rather than the whole “lady-in-waiting” scenario. Also, you’ll have a say in the ring you get, which is awesome! I wish you all the best. <3
Post # 10
I am really loving our stories! I’m glad I posted this so I can hear them.
And I do like collaborating on the ring, and he does too! He’s been suggesting his ideas to see what I think and he has said he thinks we can probably get it in January :).
But I can in some ways relate how it must be hard for a guy to do the whole proposal thing…a few weeks ago I got this idea that I’d put together this fancy little picnic with wine, and cheese, and fruit and chocolate, and then have a toast with him while giving this little heartfelt speech about how happy he makes me- the food and wine were perfect, but my speech ended up like this:
“I was trying to think of a speech to tell you about how happy you make me and stuff, but I didn’t really know how I should say it…but that’s why I wanted to do this fancy little picnic with you…”. *raises glass*
It’s not as easy as it sounds! And after trying it myself, I thin I realized it’s not really ‘us’. Lol